I don’t know what we’d be doing right now if it weren’t for our ability to laugh at the situation. And that is definitely the positive side of all this narcissism business. Those senses of humor will serve us well all our lives.

And the quickest way to get us out of a funk is for one of us to crack a joke.

It can be pretty fun around this joint!

In one of the first counseling sessions I had with the narcissist I knew, the (excellent, wise, experienced) counselor said to me, “I notice you use laughter to deal with this. Do that more often. Use your laughter.”

It was wonderful to have laughter validated as not only something that feels so GOOD and healing but is a valuable tool to preserve the inner self against damage.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

Just hearing the words ‘passive-aggressive’ makes me want to bury my head under the covers.

I’m looking forward to checking out your blog.

I was mousing over websites in the comments on a recent post at Cleavage, and yours caught my eye. I read enough here to say, with reasonable certainty, that I get it. I don’t talk about it so much anymore, but let’s just say that my blog on communication has a lot to do with my experience with a passive-aggressive ex-husband with hints of narcissism (somewhat similar or frequently go together, seems to me), but by the time I figured out what was going on with the PA, I was too exhausted to give a hoot about whatever else his problem is. But finally seeing what was going on and why gave me enough sanity to get out.

No, you weren’t the problem and neither was I. I take full responsibility for my choices (I see patterns) and full responsibility for things I did or said that weren’t right or healthy or decent by any standard. But I wasn’t responsible for or the reason for his behavior. That’s a separate entity that exists independently of me.

Best wishes and good luck!

Leah

PS I saw something about “word soup” or a “word salad” in one of your posts–yeah, I know! lol OY

Thanks for finding us. And thanks so much for sharing the link.

I didn’t know what a narcissist was either. And I know what you mean about hoping to be able to trust someday.

I’m still thankful that I discovered NPD, so I could quit thinking I was the one that was the problem.

I met him on eharmony. He was so perfect, or at least the fake personality of him was. We dated for almost a year and were planning on marrying. But like Denise above said, your mind shuts down in the one sided relationship and you lose yourself and your self-esteem at the same time. It is confusing and deeply disturbing. Then he and his mother dumped me over the phone over a lie his mother told. (yes, M. Jones, research narcissism and you will find it is brought on by the mother!) . When I tried to disprove the lie, he turned away and never spoke to me again. I was erased and ostracized like I never existed. That is part of their self importance.

I hope he and his mother will be very happy together. It has taken me 5 months to start to see clearly that they both did me a favor. I knew something was terribly wrong, I just was so brow beaten by then I couldn’t see clearly. I’m finally getting ME back and have learned a valuable lesson of life.

Take the time to visit that website. There are online books and articles that helped me tremendously. Good luck ladies. It is a horrible experience, but you are so much better to be away from it. I hope someday I can trust again.

I’m glad you found us. I hope you find some comfort here. I completely agree with you, that these people need help. However, I don’t believe that a narcissist ever comes to the point of realizing that they need help.

Jesse