Comments on: His Narcissism and Her Restlessness http://survivingnarcissism.com/2010/02/04/his-narcissism-and-her-restlessness/ Life After a Narcissistic Relationship Fri, 30 Jul 2010 17:07:04 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: Jesse http://survivingnarcissism.com/2010/02/04/his-narcissism-and-her-restlessness/comment-page-1/#comment-186 Jesse Sun, 07 Feb 2010 19:11:06 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=1110#comment-186 Phyllis, The first thought that popped into my head when reading your comment was this... We must have found each other here for a reason. Phyllis, maybe you will find support and kinship with us. Annie, maybe Phyllis will show you that it's never too late to start over. And I benefit from having others to connect with who know so well how difficult this journey can be. Thank you. Phyllis,

The first thought that popped into my head when reading your comment was this…

We must have found each other here for a reason. Phyllis, maybe you will find support and kinship with us. Annie, maybe Phyllis will show you that it’s never too late to start over. And I benefit from having others to connect with who know so well how difficult this journey can be.

Thank you.

]]> By: phyllis http://survivingnarcissism.com/2010/02/04/his-narcissism-and-her-restlessness/comment-page-1/#comment-185 phyllis Sun, 07 Feb 2010 18:33:27 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=1110#comment-185 Dear Annie and Jesse Thank you both for your comments. Jesse your suggestions are really good. I am going to try to choose one and DO IT. Annie my heart goes out to you also. I have been in a loveless narcissistic marriage for years. I am old tired and sad too. But I finally had the courage to leave him 10 months ago. It is the most difficult thing I have ever done. And it is not over yet. But it is a little better. He begged me to come back many times. He said that he had "changed", and I wouldn't know for sure unless I gave our marriage "one more chance". But I didn't go back. And I am 68 years old! He has a new "friend" now. I should be divorced before too long. I care about you both very much and all others who are dealing with this pain -- and painful it is. Keep your chins up. You are loved. Dear Annie and Jesse Thank you both for your comments. Jesse your suggestions are really good. I am going to try to choose one and DO IT. Annie my heart goes out to you also. I have been in a loveless narcissistic marriage for years. I am old tired and sad too. But I finally had the courage to leave him 10 months ago. It is the most difficult thing I have ever done. And it is not over yet. But it is a little better. He begged me to come back many times. He said that he had “changed”, and I wouldn’t know for sure unless I gave our marriage “one more chance”. But I didn’t go back. And I am 68 years old! He has a new “friend” now. I should be divorced before too long. I care about you both very much and all others who are dealing with this pain — and painful it is. Keep your chins up. You are loved.

]]> By: Jesse http://survivingnarcissism.com/2010/02/04/his-narcissism-and-her-restlessness/comment-page-1/#comment-184 Jesse Sun, 07 Feb 2010 15:25:59 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=1110#comment-184 phyllis and Annie, I can't stop thinking about both of you. And yes, I am an accommodator and a fixer, so I won't sleep unless I offer something. I am the type who can't eat if I'm stressed. I could have been a smoker, and have smoked at certain points, but now cigarettes scare me. I could have been a drinker. But, I hate feeling ill the next morning. I don't think I use a substance for filling that hole. I think I depend on relationships for filling that hole. That puts a hell of a lot of pressure on the people that I have relationships with. (And here I will apologize to all of you for that. You know who you are.) But here is something that is cathartic, healing, fun, productive and (if you let it be so) guilt-free. Express all those emotions through something creative. Don't think it has to be painting or drawing. It can be anything that expresses who you are that adds beauty to the world. Here is a short, and by-no-means comprehensive list of suggestions: decorating your house, writing in a journal, listening to music, viewing art, reading, gardening, cooking (make a chocolate cake and share it!), doodling, knitting, sewing, scrapbooking ..... You don't have to make the art or the music or the book -- the simple act of enjoying those created by others expresses who you are; and your reaction and appreciation adds beauty to the world. Creating something uses those energies and channels that restlessness, turning it into something good. Best wishes, Jess p.s. Let me warn you, though. None of these creative ventures will benefit you if you are constantly beating yourself up while you perform them. That means ... tell yourself how lovely your garden looks when you are done; remind yourself that nobody else can decorate a house like you can; no one can create a scrapbook page exactly like yours, and no one has tasted a killer brownie like the one you bake. (Just don't eat the whole pan. I'm saying that with love!) phyllis and Annie,

I can’t stop thinking about both of you. And yes, I am an accommodator and a fixer, so I won’t sleep unless I offer something. I am the type who can’t eat if I’m stressed. I could have been a smoker, and have smoked at certain points, but now cigarettes scare me. I could have been a drinker. But, I hate feeling ill the next morning. I don’t think I use a substance for filling that hole. I think I depend on relationships for filling that hole. That puts a hell of a lot of pressure on the people that I have relationships with. (And here I will apologize to all of you for that. You know who you are.)

But here is something that is cathartic, healing, fun, productive and (if you let it be so) guilt-free. Express all those emotions through something creative. Don’t think it has to be painting or drawing. It can be anything that expresses who you are that adds beauty to the world. Here is a short, and by-no-means comprehensive list of suggestions: decorating your house, writing in a journal, listening to music, viewing art, reading, gardening, cooking (make a chocolate cake and share it!), doodling, knitting, sewing, scrapbooking ….. You don’t have to make the art or the music or the book — the simple act of enjoying those created by others expresses who you are; and your reaction and appreciation adds beauty to the world.

Creating something uses those energies and channels that restlessness, turning it into something good.

Best wishes,
Jess

p.s. Let me warn you, though. None of these creative ventures will benefit you if you are constantly beating yourself up while you perform them. That means … tell yourself how lovely your garden looks when you are done; remind yourself that nobody else can decorate a house like you can; no one can create a scrapbook page exactly like yours, and no one has tasted a killer brownie like the one you bake. (Just don’t eat the whole pan. I’m saying that with love!)

]]> By: Annie http://survivingnarcissism.com/2010/02/04/his-narcissism-and-her-restlessness/comment-page-1/#comment-183 Annie Sun, 07 Feb 2010 03:26:24 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=1110#comment-183 Jesse's words, I cling to, I savor. Phyllis you are not alone. The food helps for awhile, it is comforting, soothing, it doesn't give you the evil eye, no nasty comments, I am right along with you. Over the years I have gained the weight that I never thought I would. I have lived in a loveless, narcissistic marriage for too many years, but am still here. I take one step forward and seven miles backward. I used to be strong and now I am old, tired and sad. I don't know what the answer is, but there are others of us in your shoes. Hang in there. Jesse’s words, I cling to, I savor.
Phyllis you are not alone. The food helps for awhile, it is comforting, soothing, it doesn’t give you the evil eye, no nasty comments, I am right along with you. Over the years I have gained the weight that I never thought I would. I have lived in a loveless, narcissistic marriage for too many years, but am still here. I take one step forward and seven miles backward. I used to be strong and now I am old, tired and sad. I don’t know what the answer is, but there are others of us in your shoes.
Hang in there.

]]> By: phyllis http://survivingnarcissism.com/2010/02/04/his-narcissism-and-her-restlessness/comment-page-1/#comment-182 phyllis Sun, 07 Feb 2010 01:25:33 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=1110#comment-182 I am in awe of your power with words. Instead of smoking, I am trying to fill the emptiness with food. Who knows, maybe a large percentage of the obese women are in a relationship with a narcissist. And the food isn't mean or critical. Just a thought. I am in awe of your power with words. Instead of smoking, I am trying to fill the emptiness with food. Who knows, maybe a large percentage of the obese women are in a relationship with a narcissist. And the food isn’t mean or critical. Just a thought.

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