I was going to work on my taxes today. I was going to try to unclog my bathroom sink. I played all day yesterday, so I’m feeling like I’m supposed to be productive and get something measurable accomplished today. (As if spending a wonderful day enjoying the company of my kids isn’t productive.) And then I remembered, “It’s Valentine’s Day!!”
Yippee.
I don’t have anything insightful to say about Valentine’s Day. Does anybody? If you’d like a chuckle to go with your obligatory box of chocolates, then check out a previous post on Narcissism And Gift-Giving. Or read this honest piece on love by Amy Oscar at ‘Story, Spirit, Seed’.
So instead of doing a bunch of domestic chores, I’m going to read (’Traveling With Pomegranates’ by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor), watch a movie (Monsters vs Aliens), and eat good dark chocolate (Lindt Intense Orange). Oh, and keep the fire stoked.
Be your own valentine.
Tags: divorce, humor, life, love, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, proactive, survive
Went on a little trip this weekend, I bought him a good box of chocolates, paid for dinner with tip, he bought himself a new pair of skies and bindings… Twenty eight years ago was our first Valentines together, know what he got me? Something sexy? Something wonderful? Nope, a big new shiny cast iron pan, for frying up that meat… I AM NOT KIDDING! Still have the pan somewhere, it never got the use that he wanted… I should have hit him over the flipping head and run out the door….
I stand corrected.. he just brought home some really nice wilted mums, carnations and blackened from freezing, Baby’s Breath and told me this was all Walmart had left. Just crammed them into a white pitcher…
Nothing insightful, and I realize I’m late to the party(!?) here, but Valentines Day 2010 was the day my wife decided that she wanted us to sit the kids down and tell them she was moving out. My suggestion that we wait a day - a day! - was met with rage and swearing in front of the kids.
Happy V Day, kids. :o(
Nice.
Incidentally, I’ve only just run into your site and am thinking it could be helpful to me. My wife of 10 years isn’t diagnosed, but she can nail almost every single NPD trait going. In January this year, I went from being idealized to being seriously devalued (again!) in the space of 20 minutes. A few weeks later she’d rented an apartment, started using her maiden name again, and ditched virtually everything that might have reminded her of our 10 years together - photos, memories, friends.
Having said that, throughout the last 10 years, there was always something about her that I just couldn’t put my finger on, and a feeling that something, somewhere was broken.
I’m now in the process of picking up those pieces.
:o(
BB,
Thanks for writing. I’m sorry you had to come to the ‘party’ at all. :(
When I read what you wrote:
” throughout the last 10 years, there was always something about her that I just couldn’t put my finger on, and a feeling that something, somewhere was broken.”
It reminded me of something I said to the counselor yesterday. “Each year that I was married to Mark, I felt it might be the year that I might actually know him. That he would let me in and I would see who he really was.”
Now I know that he would never be capable of letting anyone in.
How are your kids? How old are they?
Jesse
Yeah, I had a similar thought/hope each year, too.
My kiddos are now 5 and 8, although she moved out once before and left us all when they were 1 and 4. Eek. That was tough.
They seem to be doing fine… in fact, they actually seem to be coping quite well and their overall behaviour has changed (for the better in fact) since. I can only put that down to the fact that they’re not exposed to her angry episodes for over half the week when they’re living with me.
Me on the other hand… not so fine. Anxiety, no sleep, not eating… all that stuff. Big conflict going on in my head right now in that my heart (thinks) I still love her, but now that I know what she’s capable of, my head says I really shouldn’t be thinking like that. :o/
Does that make sense?
BB
It makes complete sense. I went through those same exact things while I was still married. I thought I loved him, how come I couldn’t make it work. Why did I keep messing up? How come he was never satisfied or please with me?
So I had processed all those things by the time I moved out.
And the biggest difference… it’s always way easier being the one leaving, rather than the one being left. Sure, he left me in the marriage, but I left in the literal, moving out sense.
I wish I had some decent advice on how to get your head and heart on the same page. I still battle that.
Take care,
Jesse