“Please! Someone whack my knuckles with a ruler. Now!” That was the plea I sent out to the Twitter Universe a few weeks ago. I was trying desperately to prevent myself from emailing John. Annie, bless her heart, sent back a virtual whacking that sounded something like, “There. You’ve been whacked.”
And the next night I caved.
It had been 16 whole, long, sad, dreary days since I’d sent him an email or received anything from him. Truth be told, he was out of cell range or internet access, and he couldn’t communicate. (Although, I don’t know that he’d actually have written, if I hadn’t written first.) On the 16th night I couldn’t stop my fingers. I sent an email that said I missed him.
He wrote back, within 13 minutes, to say that he missed me.
Here’s a brief list of things that I just don’t understand:
- Why do I get so crabby when it’s windy? (I know it has something to do with ions and stuff, but I don’t understand.)
- How can two kids, raised in the same family, take such different paths – one a drug dealer and one a volunteer at the local food bank, for example?
- How come boys never listen?
- Why do kids insist that bugars actually taste good?
- Why do the people who actually pay their bills get harassed, while those who don’t, pay never get bugged?
- Why does coffee taste better in smaller cups?
- Why does John tell me he loves me and misses me, but he completely drops the ball on this when I stop doing all the relating?
Shouldn’t this be simple? I care about him; I show him and tell him. He says he cares, but his actions don’t back up his words. If he doesn’t care, WHY does he send an email saying he misses me? Why not just ignore my email? Does he think that I’ll quit asking him to relate more? Does he think I’ll resort to past behaviors and happily fall into the role of being the person who does all the relating for both of us? Why doesn’t he do the, “He’s Just Not That Into You” thing and completely ignore me.
Then I could give up hope.
He actually wrote and made it sound like he was thinking about coming out here to work on this. He asked when he should come out. But, he didn’t put anything on the calendar, and he didn’t commit to a date. Is it an ego thing? Do guys just like to keep women on the line to boost their egos?
It took me until today to write about this. First off, I couldn’t write because I was embarrassed that I caved. But the biggest reason I waited to write was that I wanted to get to where I am at this very moment.
I think John is a fine, talented, funny, caring, engaging person.
I don’t have my hopes pinned on him anymore.
Do not expect me to write, “When Accommodators Cave II”.
Last week I sent him my final email – a quote from Chris Rock:
“Women are like the police, they could have all the evidence in the world but they still want the confession.”
I told him that I had all the evidence.
I don’t need the confession.