Thanks for your kind words. If you saw my kids at this very moment, you’d see Jenny playing Barbies with her cousin Kelle, and Will laying on the couch watching ‘The Pink Panther’. They are happy little clams in our sweet little home. Will’s eyes aren’t blinking incessantly. Jenny has the sparkle in her eyes, and she’s having a blast teasing her cousin.

80 percent of the time they are happy, healthy, precocious, curious, amazing little people. But that 20 percent can suck the life right out of them. And we all know how resilient kids can be. It is that true happiness and contentment that I see, that tells me I’ve made the right decisions.

As far as the counselor goes, I’m not so sure that she’s a bit nuts (although I’ve had the same thoughts). I think she’s an example of another smart person who was charmed and manipulated by a narcissist.

Just like myself.

The problem is that it puts you in the middle AND even if the kids stand up to him, he will read it as if YOU are making them say that stuff. Things will get better – even if it looks bleak and horrible right now. The kids will get older and more able to speak for themselves. If it gets unbearable (which seems likely at this rate), they will have to speak up to the judge so that they no longer have to go through this.

I agree with Donna – the best thing therapy can do for your kids is give them a place to vent and work through their own issues. That’s what my kids are doing and it seems to be helpful to them.

What is with Mark’s counselor though? She seems a bit nuts . . . which is troubling.

I hope things get better for you all soon!

If I had a buck for every time I’ve wished that the kids could be upfront with Mark, I’d be …..

I love your comment. So many excellent points.

I think the kids’ basic, human desire to ultimately be loved by their dad is the lizard brain that prevents them from being honest and expressing their hurts.

I picture them about to say something, they remember what his reaction will be, and the lizard’s scaly little hand slaps their mouths shut.

Will has told me several times, “It may work for grown ups to stand up to someone, but you can’t expect a 7 year old and an 11 year old to do that – especially when it’s their dad.”

I do see his point, but I always counter with, “Do you guys want to wait until you are 47 years old to learn to stick up for yourselves, or do you want to start now.”

And in an effort to emphasize your point about not getting others to change, I clearly can’t get my kids to change on the sticking-up-for-themselves point either.

I’m guessing that it just hasn’t gotten uncomfortable enough for them, yet.

Hard to believe, I know.

Thanks so much for this wonderful comment. My brain is rapidly churning on a new post based on your comment.

Wish I could link to your blog. *hint, hint*

In some therapeutic circles, isn’t it desired that the victim confront the perpetrator with their crimes? I believe it’s supposed to provide a measure of healing or closure.

It’s my observation that if you’re continuing counseling in the hopes that Mark will change…it ain’t gonna happen. The best that a counselor can do IMHO is to help the kids understand and heal and to not take it personally.

I’m only speaking from my personal experience with therapy. Not a single person in my life changed after therapy, except for the most important one – me. It helped me heal my hurts and to grow up to be a functioning adult when I already was an adult. I’m not sure how it would work for the kids, but getting their frustration out sounds like a good good start.

I’m just putting this out there to spark some thoughts that I hope are helpful. Bless you all!

Perhaps my posts haven’t articulated the frustration coming from Will and Jenny. They are beyond frustrated with the fact that they are going to sessions and their dad is not. They are frustrated that no matter how many times they articulate what they are uncomfortable with, nothing changes.

Today the counselor asked them to be more specific about what they are uncomfortable with in regards to their dad, IN FRONT OF THEIR DAD!!!

I don’t have a degree in counseling, but for God’s Sake, I can even see the folly in that scenario.

As Will said, “DUH… Like I’m gonna say that in front of the martyr?”

Im sending peace and love.

Thanks. I’ve been praying for that for a long time.

Not feeling very hopeful right now.