And just remember, I may be a porthole, but you are the SHIP!

I read this comment a couple days ago, and finally posted it this morning. I’ve been letting it simmer in my brain.

You said so much in this one comment – things I’m working on and things I hope to achieve. And this ties in beautifully with a post I’m working on.

I’m blessed to know you. You are a ‘porthole’ for me in the finest, metaphorical sense of the word.

My spiritual life and personal growth are very important to me. So when I’m writing about unconditional love, it isn’t a place I touch often, but wish I could. I think if I were a spiritual master, it wouldn’t matter if the love came back to me from another particular person, because I would be the love. I certainly realize that isn’t where a huge majority of people on the planet would choose to live, however. :)

I believe that a loving healthy relationship means both partners get their needs met in whatever way they both decide works for them. I think that is part of being loved back, cuz you get to decide and discuss. If it doesn’t work the way you want, you can decide to exit.

My slight experience with self-love has shown me that when I feel good about myself, then the world looks mighty fine.

I think your current situation is like being a parent of a brand new baby. That sweet, little squishy thing is cute all right, but there’s definitely no reciprocity – until the baby learns to smile. Up until then, it’s really tough for both parents because they get nothing back.

New parents can hang in there waiting six to eight weeks for the baby to respond. How long have YOU been waiting?

How do you decide when you are funneling all that love in the wrong direction? (With a narcissist, it’s pretty obvious.)

Is it okay to decide that while it’s good to love, it’s also good to be loved back? Is that wrong?

Am I supposed to be content with loving myself first, and then loving others, and whether it comes back my way from others (obviously I mean one particular other here) or not, it really doesn’t matter? If that’s the case, I’ve definitely got a lot of work to do, to get comfortable with that scenario.

Is this as good as it gets?

How do I know?

This could also be a treatise on codependency. Or not having expectations. Both make you crazy.

But to bring yourself some peace, just love. Yourself first, then others.

PS: You were missed!

Thanks for that. Perhaps it’s true what they say about writing from the heart.

Yes, DAMMIT, that’s exactly what she is doing – she’s playing out old patterns because she doesn’t know what a new pattern looks like. And she certainly doesn’t know what a new pattern feels like.

In the meantime, she fools herself by thinking that if she loves the boy enough, he’ll finally take the vest off.

She’s a fool – a fool in love with the wrong boy.

But what if…

How does she get beyond wondering if he’ll ever take the damn vest off. Truth is, he’d probably take the vest off for the right girl.

She’s not the right girl.