Apparently, the Narcissist’s other shoe is not made of concrete. Apparently, the other shoe will not even be dropped. Mark received The Email from mom. And, as previously written, she dared say things I have never had the guts to say. She delivered a 2 x 4 to his forehead with more force than I thought her slender arms could produce. She blew off the end of the smoking gun, re-holstered, and stood with arms crossed, head high, waiting for a response.
I, however, metaphorically cowered in the corner while the kids chatted about firecrackers, s’mores, the cabin and the hopes of landing the first trout of the season.
The first responses were received by Will and Jenny. Mark told them, rather briefly, that he was surprised that they think he’s a bad dad. He has always felt that he was a wonderful dad. He would not be making them any promises to change anything, because he doesn’t quite know what to change.
I’ll refrain from saying something petty like, “Please refer to the previous 47 emails from the kids telling you what makes them uncomfortable.” Or, “Maybe you could start with the baby voice.”
The next day, mom received a similarly brief response. Once again, he is shocked that his parenting style is receiving any criticism. He has always believed that he was being the best father to all his kids. He mentioned that he has been quite happy, recently, and that he’s shocked that his happiness hasn’t made it possible for him to be an even better father.
It actually sounded a lot like, “Hey, I’m a great dad. I’m at a loss to figure out how to get you all to see that. And since none of you like me as I am, I’m just going to back away for awhile. I’m sure the kids will miss me soon. I know they will call me. I’ll just wait for them to come around.”
Since when does a parent GET TO decide to back off from parenting? Since when is that even an option? I realize making the choice to stop parenting is a choice made every day, by so many. But when is that choice made by an individual who has previously, dramatically professed his love for his kids? Is that choice actually made by someone who says he can’t sleep because he misses his kids so much?
I am thankful that I have been open with my kids about all this narcissism stuff. If I hadn’t, would they not be wondering what they had done that would make it possible for their dad to just walk out of their lives? I believe that our education in NPD has prevented them from taking his latest antics personally.
Just last night, we were headed to check out the city fireworks display, and Jenny teared up. She was tired. We’d had a crazy, fun weekend. She just wanted to sit in a dad’s lap and watch the fireworks. I still marvel that she wants a dad, not her dad.
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And so the other shoe does not drop. Apparently, the Narcissist needs both shoes to slink away and look for a new source.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD
ANY Dad would be happy for that little peanut to crawl onto their lap and snuggle. Mark is missing out and it’s his own darn fault…too bad he doesn’t see it that way.
And yet the tender side of me worries about the day (perhaps one day when it is too late) when he realizes what he has missed out on.
I shouldn’t care one bit, but it’s as if I’m perched on a mountain top watching an impending train wreck.
Or am I? Most likely, he’ll never see that he missed out on anything.