It’s November 1st. The bathroom has yet to be painted. The pumpkin vines are snaking through the dead tomato plants. The leaves are piled against the west fence. I have managed to put the Halloween decorations up on the shelf in the garage, but the Thanksgiving decorations are piled on a chair next to the dining room table, waiting for me to decide where to display them.
I have a tendency (you probably have that same tendency) to beat myself up for what I didn’t get done, instead of reveling in the things that I accomplished.
There were plenty of things on the list for 2010.
Many were crossed off.
The book isn’t done.
I was going to have the book done by now.
If you had been listening closely, you might have heard me badgering myself for not having made more progress on the book.
However….
November is a wonderful month. I love Thanksgiving. I love how the colder weather makes me settle into my nest, around a fire, eating steaming bowls of soup, snuggling my two kids, and waiting for big fat snowflakes.
I love how Thanksgiving is about family and food and thankfulness. (Okay, maybe not in that order.)
While being thankful for all we have, I’m going to look at how far we’ve come in this past year. I see real progress made in many areas of our lives. I see the happy growth in my kids. I notice that Will isn’t blinking excessively, and Jenny has confidence. They have learned to stand up, and speak up, for themselves.
I am thankful for our health and the choices we’ve made. I’ve changed some of my attitudes. I’ve seen how changes in myself have brought about positive changes in my relationships. We have seen that continually working on things makes a difference.
Our progress is measurable. Perhaps the process has been slow, but the improvements are lasting.
We have done a lot in this last year.
I’m not going to beat myself for what I didn’t get done. I’m going to pat myself on the back for what I did get done.
Pat yourself on the back for what you accomplished in 2010.
Tell me what you got done this last year.
Tags: child of narcissist, life, Parenting, proactive, survive
I think we chastise ourselves all too often for things we didn’t get around to, whilst ignoring our achievements. When we’ve been through a ‘dark’ time, particularly when kids have been involved, it can take a long time and a great deal of effort to reach the stage of recovery which enables us to re-discover our creative side. Carry on building the blocks, and putting your little family back together. With time, the creativity will flow.
I went back to work this year, three days a week at first and going up to four day this month. I’m back in my old job, something I had never dreamed possible having had my confidence knocked so badly by the toxic narc. I support my children entirely alone, both emotionally and financially, and of course there’s been the book. I’m happy with 2010 and what it’s brought for us, and I’m looking forward to much more positivity in 2011.
Very best wishes
Sarah x
Sarah,
You are an inspiration, and a fine example.
It’s amazing how much can be accomplished when we get to a healthier mental state. Part of that healthy state comes from being kind to, and patient with, ourselves. And when the licking of the wounds is done, it’s time to kick some butt.
Kinda like you continue to do. ;)
I had a great year. I left my narcissistic husband and spared my children the trauma of a childhood filled with an abuser’s ragings. Needless to say, I am very grateful for that. Everything else pales by comparison. I owe a lot to you, Jesse, for sharing your experiences on this blog at a critical time when I needed a role model of a strong woman who got out under similar circumstances. You gave me a glimpse of what life could be like if I left him. The glimpse was accurate – our household is now only filled with unconditional love.
Thank you!
Reese,
I remember when you first contacted me through the blog. I was needing a sign or some kind of guidance about Jen and Will and the counselor they were seeing. You were the first to ever contact me through gmail. I received your comment the night after sending out my desperate prayer.
I’m telling you this because you have helped me so much.
That is what I hoped this blog would do – help me, my kids, and others.
Thank YOU!
Thank you for being such a light and ‘forcing’ me to do this. lol Not in order of importance:
* Becoming more self-disciplined
* Started a 40-day meditation for my partner, and am falling more in love
* Had amazing shifts in consciousness (one from listening to an interview with Russell Brand…if you want info, let me know)
* Recently ‘rescued’ a guinea pig, and learned that I DO NOT WANT to take care of any more animals!!!! (ie: Donna stops rescuing the planet)
* Adored my front flower garden every time I looked at it
* Had a 50th birthday party for myself, just the way I wanted it
* Am not speaking to one sister because I can’t handle her trauma/drama anymore – I miss her, but my guts aren’t in knots anymore from just hearing the sound of her voice
* Keep falling in love with the most interesting people
* Didn’t give up
I think I need to do this daily.
Donna!
YAY YOU!!!
Yes. I’m sure I’m not the only one interested in the Russell Brand info. Send it, please. ;)
Doesn’t it feel good to pat yourself on the back?