I make a damn good cup of coffee. I make oatmeal with the perfect ratio of oats – walnuts – cinnamon – nutmeg. Nobody cleans a cat box like I do. You’d be amazed at how quickly I can fold a laundry basket full of clean clothes. I even find all the socks, almost every time.
And some days, that’s the best I can come up with when trying to cheer myself up and get out of the funk.
When staring at the too-bright laptop screen at 5:15 a.m., my eyes are blurry – not from being tired, but from fussing over the pages of the book I’m trying to finish.
I bounce over to Twitter to get some inspiration and find a few laughs or a couple good posts to read. The distraction takes my mind off the fact that I doubt myself.
I doubt my abilities as a mom.
I doubt my ability to write.
I doubt my ability to be in a healthy romantic relationship.
I doubt my good sense in making the decision to be a home owner.
I doubt that I’m putting enough money aside for my kids’ college/counseling funds.
I doubt that I can lead a productive, happy life with all these doubts swimming around in my head.
Doubting Is Human
Humans (narcissists aside) doubt themselves.
I see doubting in toddlers learning to climb stairs. They take a step, and they look around waiting for someone to tell them they can take another.
I see doubting in accomplished, successful adults. They may be running a business, but they continually look over their shoulder wondering who they fooled to get to where they are. They may be confident in their professional life, but they are riddled with doubts when it comes to their personal life. While they are in charge in the board room, they stare at their laptop screen, blurry-eyed, trying to figure out why they can’t make a relationship work.
Maybe it’s the doubting that carries us along. The doubting challenges us and makes us work at being our best possible selves.
Is that why narcissists seem frozen in time? They don’t doubt who they are. They believe they’ve arrived. There’s no need for improvement. They are what they are.
Some days, I envy the narcissist’s lack of self-doubt.
__________
I’m trying to learn to accept that self-doubt is part of being an evolving, adapting, loving human.
It is what it is.
Some days I deal with less doubt than others.
Some days…
It’s time for another fine cup of coffee.
Tags: divorce, humor, life, love, narcissism, narcissistic behavior, NPD, Parenting, proactive, survive
We’re bringing back some great Kona coffee for Christmas morning. We’ll even share!
Pat,
Perfect.
I’ll add that to the list of ‘cheer-me-ups’ – a favorite aunt who shares Kona Coffee. (And biscotti?) ;)
It’s been a while since the biscotti. Might have to do it again.
Pat,
Will found a recipe he’s been wanting to try. We’ll bring the biscotti.
If he’s as good at biscotti as he is at pancakes, I can’t wait.
For all the things that you are GREAT at…..
You are awesome at keeping a loving friendship alive…SOOO
why doubt that you can keep a loving relationship alive?
You are an awesome listener..SO why doubt yourself about how your kid’s mental health will turn out?
You are a brilliant person… SO, why doubt that you are a GREAT teacher?
You maintain the house wonderfully AND you are teaching your young boy how to be a man by sharing homeownership responsibilities SO… why doubt if you should own a home?
You have a ton of people who follow this blog.. SO, why doubt your writing ability for a book?
Sometimes we can’t see our nose for our face.. that’s why I am here! Keep doing what you are doing… you do it so well!!!
xoxo
D
Dee,
Further proof of the way the Universe works its magic…
I was letting the glue dry on the ornament I’m making for you… came to check email… found this quote from you.
Geez! Thanks.
I don’t know how “great” I am at those other things, but I am great at picking friends.
love you.
(f.u.n.)