*YCMTSU – You Can’t Make This Shit Up
One night in August of 2009 I was sitting cross-legged on our purple love seat with the laptop on the cushion next to me. I’d been writing on this blog for a couple weeks, and I realized I needed to name the characters.
My companion through college, two failed relationships, the laundry-list of jobs, and the births of my kids was a cat (soul mate) named Jesse.
I don’t know where I came up with ‘Blayne‘, but ‘Jesse’ and ‘Blayne’ sounded good together.
I went on to name my kids. Will‘s name was actually one of the names on the list that I carried in a backpack along with fuzzy socks, a journal and a toothbrush, to the hospital, on the day he was born.
Jenny‘s name isn’t directly tied to anyone. I like that name because it is sunny, happy and it doesn’t sound like the name of someone who willingly chooses to be a doormat – all things that I want for my daughter.
Coming up with my ex-husband’s name was a little tougher. I wanted to choose a name that didn’t belong to anyone in my life. I wanted a name that I didn’t connect to anyone in my past. I wanted a name that didn’t make images pop up in my mind.
I chose ‘Mark‘ because that name doesn’t do anything for me, for some reason. It’s not a bad name. It’s straight-forward, indifferent, disconnected, not particularly warm.
(If your name is Mark, I bet you are wonderful, but since I don’t know you, I chose that name.)
My kids know about the blog. Their growth and ability to cope is directly related to what we have learned through this blog, the comments left here, and the ability to chart our progress through these posts. Therefore, they know that they are Jenny and Will here. They know their dad is Mark.
For well over a year, I’ve been writing stories using these names. Sometimes in conversation, I’ll call one of my kids by their blog name. I’ve searched my own blog to make sure that I haven’t actually typed their real names, just in case.
Sometimes when I hear the name Mark, in reference to something not about this blog, my brain fills with a dark cloud and my arms tense.
My apologies to all the fine and not-so-fine Marks in the world.
__________
During this period of writing the blog, we decided to leave public school and do our learning at home, at the park, at the art gallery, on the road, or it seems, at the ski hill.
Two days ago, Jenny was sitting cross-legged on the big couch, reading about geography and world civilizations, and in particular, the Roman Republic. Will was working on fractions and asked me a question. I put down my coffee and walked over to stand and look over his shoulder.
We’ve been powering through on this whole fractions thing. I’d like for fractions and the manipulation of fractions to be second-nature to him, like tic-tacing and ollies on his skateboard are second-nature.
Jen started laughing and said, “You guys! You guys have got to hear this. You won’t believe it.”
“This book says the name Mark comes from the Roman name Mars.”
I looked at Jen and said, “Okay. I see the connection, Mark/Mars.”
Jenny laughed and said, “Mom! Mars was the Roman God of War.”
Tags: child of narcissist, humor, life, Parenting, school
Too funny
Jesse-
I think your subconscious picked the perfect name for your ex-husband!
BTW -Your description of home schooling makes me wish I had that option. Maybe when the time comes for my children to go to school the stars will align to somehow let me do the same.
Hugs
p.s. My new friend, ” Bob” , is still in my life (i.e. I haven’t scared him off yet). My ex-NH, “Henry”, is still being shockingly nice… almost to the point that I’m taking it for granted that he’ll continue to be nice. My little girl, “Lily”, is getting toilet trained. My boy, “Sam”, is learning to say a few words besides “Mommy”. Life is pretty good.
p.p.s. Thanks for sharing your insights on this blog and helping me and my children live a happier life. :)
More Hugs
Hello Reese,
Always love hearing from you.
We’re still laughing about the name thing. Jenny was the one that told me that I really needed to put that on the blog.
Once in awhile we have a rough day in home schooling – not very often. When that happens, we give ourselves a break, back up a little, play some games, go outside (if we can) and remember what it was like in public school. No regrets for any of us!
I’m glad Bob is still in the picture, he’s a lucky guy.
As far as Henry being nice, it reminds me of Mark, of course. Each time he’d be nice, I’d wonder if I was wrong about narcissism. About that time, he’d do something that confirmed what I’d been thinking (NPD) all along. Enjoy the niceness, it’s so much healthier for Lily and Sam.
Exciting things at your house. I bet Lily and Sam keep you hopping. I miss those stages.
You have such a lovely blog, Jesse. And such a calm, deep, peaceful voice. I believe that being able to write like this is a victory in itself.
We all know of the chaos in the background and the confusion within.
This is a fabulous, love-filled story in itself. What a great partnership you have going there with your children.
Love and power to all of you,
Natasha
Natasha,
I am humbled by your comment. I’ve waited all day to post it because I didn’t know how to reply.
Let me just say thank you.
Love to you and yours.