The Surrender

the-flow1A definition of surrender from merriam-webster.com:

to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)


When she was little, surrender was something she did when she played Cowboys and Indians.  She usually tried to be on the side that didn’t require her to surrender.

When she was a teenager, surrender was something she feared would be expected once she agreed to kiss a boy, so she didn’t often let herself get in a situation where she’d be close enough to kiss.

When she was a young woman, surrender was more about what he wanted and less about what she wanted.  In those cases, it wasn’t particularly desirable or freeing or satisfying.  She did because she thought that was as good as it could get.

When it came time to marry, she enjoyed the surrender.  This time it was about declaration – announcing that this was the path she was taking.  She was done searching.   No more decisions were necessary.  Surrender meant embracing each day with the knowledge that she was headed down the right road, with the right person, in the right house.

The corresponding future would play itself out.

Done.

When she first became pregnant, she experienced a completely new surrender – one in which she gave herself up to her physical body and all the transformations that ensued.  The weight gain was delicious.  The curves were welcomed.  The movements of this precious life in her body were magical.

The process swept her away.

On an intuitive level, she connected to her body in a way she had never done before.

This kind of surrender was rich and deep and significant.

When her marriage fell apart, she was faced with a new surrender – uncharted territory,  a new future.

This surrender was scary and dangerous and exciting and unknown and full of possibility.

Getting older presented a different kind of surrender – one of acceptance.  She became more comfortable in her body, with her skin, her shape, her presence.

She was less critical of herself.  She was more loving.

New surrenders were waiting to greet her in a few years – maybe a new relationship.  Certainly there would be a major surrender when her children moved on.

__________

She was wiser now.

She had tools.

She had knowledge and experience.

With knowledge, experience, tools and wisdom she could see that life was a never-ending series of surrenders.

Some were fun.

Some were forced upon her.

Some were of her own choosing.

Some were fleeting.

Some brought about the greatest riches her life would know.

 

With grace, she could embrace surrender instead of resisting or fighting.

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