Comments on: Ignore the Two Steps Back http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/ Narcissism, parenting, random thoughts and occasional rants from the front lines. . . . . . by Jesse Blayne Fri, 17 May 2013 15:36:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.1 By: NM http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/#comment-3792 NM Sun, 04 Dec 2011 16:22:37 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=5060#comment-3792 Thank you so much. I think I need to try that finger under nose thing. I keep telling myself that my sadness comes from the fact that things cannot be different. It's the holidays, and it's been almost a year since I walked away from this. To top it off my N friend keeps contacting me, even though I haven't responded to a word she's said since May. You are both so right to say that there's no changing or fixing the situation, or "fixing" the N. And, particularly as an INFJ, Jesse, I know if I tried this again, I'd end up back at square -349. There is a small sadness that will never go away, I think. This person was present at so many milestones in my life. I guess a friendship is mourned, too. Thank you both again, you really made me feel better. Hugs, NM Thank you so much. I think I need to try that finger under nose thing. I keep telling myself that my sadness comes from the fact that things cannot be different. It’s the holidays, and it’s been almost a year since I walked away from this. To top it off my N friend keeps contacting me, even though I haven’t responded to a word she’s said since May. You are both so right to say that there’s no changing or fixing the situation, or “fixing” the N. And, particularly as an INFJ, Jesse, I know if I tried this again, I’d end up back at square -349. There is a small sadness that will never go away, I think. This person was present at so many milestones in my life. I guess a friendship is mourned, too.

Thank you both again, you really made me feel better.

Hugs, NM

]]> By: Jesse http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/#comment-3790 Jesse Sun, 04 Dec 2011 14:58:37 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=5060#comment-3790 Lynn, Beautiful said, from one on the front lines. hugs to you and yours. Lynn,

Beautiful said, from one on the front lines.

hugs to you and yours.

]]> By: Lynn http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/#comment-3789 Lynn Sun, 04 Dec 2011 14:49:20 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=5060#comment-3789 Thanks Jesse--I do make it with the fabulous support of friends and family near and far! Wonderful reminder! To NM: Please try not to be hard on yourself. The patterns of dealing with a N run deep--the self-doubt--the endless striving to fix the broken that will never be fixed. I remind myself over and over that I did all I could--Ns will not change--sadly. The cycle of abuse causes a person to hang on to the "crumbs of kindness" that sometimes come during the "honeymoon" phase. Hold your head high and your true friends close . . . and be kind to yourself. Thanks Jesse–I do make it with the fabulous support of friends and family near and far! Wonderful reminder!

To NM: Please try not to be hard on yourself. The patterns of dealing with a N run deep–the self-doubt–the endless striving to fix the broken that will never be fixed. I remind myself over and over that I did all I could–Ns will not change–sadly. The cycle of abuse causes a person to hang on to the “crumbs of kindness” that sometimes come during the “honeymoon” phase.

Hold your head high and your true friends close . . . and be kind to yourself.

]]> By: Jesse http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/#comment-3788 Jesse Sun, 04 Dec 2011 14:12:22 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=5060#comment-3788 NM, INFJs work tirelessly at relationships. Their focus is always on making relationships a priority. You come by it honestly. You could conceivably find a way to relate to her differently/better/smarter, but here's the rub, and I'm speaking from my experience as an INFJ... Things may very well run smoothly for awhile, life approaches an even keel, and then suddenly, he thinks he's not getting the attention he needs/wants/deserves. I would quickly adjust my course settings, heading in the direction of the compass points that worked so successfully in the past, only those settings don't work any more. He's changed what he needs. He won't tell me what he needs. He tells me I ought to know,<em> if</em> I really love him. And my INFJ-ness made me work to find what he needed - to find some contentment, peace or harmony. And then he'd change things up again. Can't live that way. NM,

INFJs work tirelessly at relationships. Their focus is always on making relationships a priority. You come by it honestly. You could conceivably find a way to relate to her differently/better/smarter, but here’s the rub, and I’m speaking from my experience as an INFJ…

Things may very well run smoothly for awhile, life approaches an even keel, and then suddenly, he thinks he’s not getting the attention he needs/wants/deserves. I would quickly adjust my course settings, heading in the direction of the compass points that worked so successfully in the past, only those settings don’t work any more. He’s changed what he needs. He won’t tell me what he needs. He tells me I ought to know, if I really love him.

And my INFJ-ness made me work to find what he needed – to find some contentment, peace or harmony.

And then he’d change things up again.

Can’t live that way.

]]> By: NM http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/#comment-3786 NM Sun, 04 Dec 2011 06:08:17 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=5060#comment-3786 It's hard to not feel that way, sometimes. I think some of it might be the holidays, too! I have been feeling sad about my friend. And then I get angry with myself, I thought I was stronger, I thought I was better, I thought I was OVER this. I thought I had learned something. Do any of you ever feel like if only you had been better at successfully walking the N tightrope, that you could have done better? Better for yourselves and for the N in your life? And then I think I am SICK! I must rewire this overactive guilt chip! Oy... That's when I feel like you said here, Jesse. Like I'm back at square -17. Behind square one somewhere. Jesse, I think you have come well beyond square one. Hang in there! Hugs, NM It’s hard to not feel that way, sometimes. I think some of it might be the holidays, too! I have been feeling sad about my friend. And then I get angry with myself, I thought I was stronger, I thought I was better, I thought I was OVER this. I thought I had learned something.

Do any of you ever feel like if only you had been better at successfully walking the N tightrope, that you could have done better? Better for yourselves and for the N in your life? And then I think I am SICK! I must rewire this overactive guilt chip! Oy… That’s when I feel like you said here, Jesse. Like I’m back at square -17. Behind square one somewhere.

Jesse, I think you have come well beyond square one. Hang in there!

Hugs, NM

]]> By: Kira M http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/#comment-4458 Kira M Thu, 01 Dec 2011 09:04:19 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=5060#comment-4458 <span class="topsy_trackback_comment"><span class="topsy_twitter_username"><span class="topsy_trackback_content">RT @jesseblayne: Ignore the Two Steps Back http://t.co/MtQoDcfK</span></span> RT @jesseblayne: Ignore the Two Steps Back http://t.co/MtQoDcfK

]]> By: Jesse http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/#comment-3773 Jesse Thu, 01 Dec 2011 03:08:54 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=5060#comment-3773 A, I want to be more like you. A,

I want to be more like you.

]]> By: Alyson Earl http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/#comment-3772 Alyson Earl Wed, 30 Nov 2011 22:24:15 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=5060#comment-3772 I don't blame my stuff on anyone. It was me behaving badly. I'm awesomely human! I don’t blame my stuff on anyone. It was me behaving badly. I’m awesomely human!

]]> By: Jesse http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/#comment-3771 Jesse Wed, 30 Nov 2011 15:01:34 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=5060#comment-3771 Lynn, I'd like to think the part left out of Churchill's quote is, "You'll survive the journey with the support of friends and family." As Alyson said, we're all in good company. Hang in there, dear. Lynn,

I’d like to think the part left out of Churchill’s quote is, “You’ll survive the journey with the support of friends and family.”

As Alyson said, we’re all in good company.

Hang in there, dear.

]]> By: Lynn http://survivingnarcissism.com/2011/11/28/ignore-the-two-steps-back/#comment-3770 Lynn Wed, 30 Nov 2011 05:36:48 +0000 http://survivingnarcissism.com/?p=5060#comment-3770 Jesse, You are awesome! How is it you read my mind and know exactly how my day is going? It is so good to know I am not alone--that we walk surrounded by those who have felt the awful pain of being discarded after giving our all. I really wish no one would have to experience such a feeling. Sometimes it is more than I can take. I harken back to Churchill: "If you are going through hell, keep going." Take care all . . . Jesse,

You are awesome! How is it you read my mind and know exactly how my day is going?

It is so good to know I am not alone–that we walk surrounded by those who have felt the awful pain of being discarded after giving our all. I really wish no one would have to experience such a feeling. Sometimes it is more than I can take.

I harken back to Churchill:
“If you are going through hell, keep going.”

Take care all . . .

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