It’s cold outside.
I won’t know anyone there.
I can’t go dressed like this.
Everyone will be younger.
Everyone will be older.
It’s windy.
I won’t know what to say.
I’ll be uncomfortable.
I’m crabby and I don’t want to share that with the rest of the world.
They’ll ask me where I’ve been.
They’ll ask me where I’m going.
I’ve never done that before.
It’ll be hard work.
I’d rather sit here where it’s warm and safe.
It’s more comfortable when I don’t put myself out there.
I have a lot of work to do here.
This is where I belong.
…
The list of excuses gets longer and longer. At the end of the day, do we feel jazzed by the level of comfort we’ve achieved, or do we feel jazzed by the energy infused from a new experience?
The Cost of Comfort
Comfort is a sought after position. For some of us, comfort becomes the default position. We feel we’ve earned it. We’ve worked hard for it.
We deserve our level of comfort.*
But what is the cost of comfort?
Sedentary bodies.
Sedentary minds.
Complacency, boredom, and lack of interest become the norm.
Diminished social life.
Disconnect from the rest of the world.
Weight gain, sadness, irritability, longing and loneliness.
Initially, comfort seems easier. We mistake comfort for harmony. We fool ourselves into thinking comfort is healthier.
It Has To Start Somewhere
Sipping on my third cup of coffee, gazing at the soft flakes accumulating on the sidewalk, I hear this gently nagging voice say, “Get out there, honey. Get some exercise. You’ll feel better. Model a physical lifestyle for those kids. Move your arms and legs.”
I put on two scarves, a hat, gloves, the old black wool coat from college, the boots and a half-hearted smile.
I explain that I’m going out to do the walks. They ask if they can help. I say, “I’ve got this, but please ask again.”
__________
In a neighborhood deserted by those who go to work and school everyday, but populated by flocks of geese and chickadees, I enjoy the smell of the wood burning in the stove as I sweep the flakes off the walk.
The sweeping becomes a dance move.
It’s just me and the broom dancing to the sound of the geese honking at the park on this rare, windless day.
As my arms and legs move, I feel the warm rush of the increased blood flow.
Now I can hear my breaths.
My head clears of to-do lists.
I turn to look at the progress I’ve made, knowing full well that there will be more snow to shovel, which – if I choose the right perspective – means more dances with my red broom.
I’ve found a rhythm in the process.
The space cleared in my head now has room to ponder.
Maybe I’ll head to the library and find a new book.
I could go to that new wine shop.
What if I took a pottery class and made a new friend.
I ought to call that new acquaintance and invite her to dinner.
So what if I can’t ice skate, the kids give me an excuse to try.
I could put on a swimsuit, sit in the warm pool, and pretend I’m somewhere else.
I could do any of those things.
I just have to get out there.
*That comfortable time of the evening, when I sit with a cup of tea and the new book I found at the library, is made that much sweeter by the challenges in the day.
Tags: in search of self, life, Parenting, proactive, survive
Oh Jesse! You did it again.
I find I need to challenge myself/exercise my self discipline FREQUENTLY.
Comfort is very seductive, but not very growth oriented. The Human Awareness Institute talks about ‘going out on the skinny branches’.
Your end quote is Right On.
After a full day of challenging myself to finish my work of the day, the relaxation is sweeter, (in my case) because I feel I earned it.
Donna,
I keep telingl Jen and Will – and I think I mentioned this before – get the chores done and the fun will be funner!
Loved that you refer to it as a seduction. Exactly. ;)
I love your writing Jesse! I relate to just about every word of it! Good for you for getting out there time and time again!
Thinking of you and your kids!
; )
Lynn,
Thanks! It sounds to me like you might be in a good place right now? At least I’m hoping that’s the case.
;)
Have you been reading my mind? I mean, I didn’t tell you what was going on with me this past week…so is it telepathy?
I went out of the box…really far out of the box. It felt good at the time. It was fun, spontaneous, adventurous! But at the end of the day, all I wanted to do was crawl back in my box. I appreciated it very much, the comfort, predictability, love that is there. And I missed it horribly while I was away.
I am still not sure if my enlightenment was because I stepped out of the box or because I had it in the first place….
Z,
That’s the thing… I can hardly wait to take a road trip, or get out of my “box” in some way and, almost from the minute I leave, I can hardly wait to get back.
Two things:
a.) We need to leave the box in order to fully appreciate it.
b.) Damn, we are lucky to be in really good boxes.
Inertia is so powerful — but that feeling you get when you overcome it is even better.
Excellent post! :)
I was complaining about my box and what it didn’t have in it. I wanted more, I felt that I NEEDED/deserved more. I didn’t want to “settle” for the box I have. So, there are these questions burning in my mind.
Am I blinding myself to what I do have in my box?
Am I settling by admitting that I have a pretty good thing going in my box?
Is there really something better out there? and…
What do I have to give up from my box to get the extras that I think I want/need/deserve?
Can I tweak it? If so, how???
Thanks, Susan! ;)
Z,
OK… Now YOU are reading my mind.
One of my biggest fears is settling. What a waste of a life – to settle. On a job or a relationship or whatever.
But… and I’m not sure about this … writing before I’ve really processed…
I think it has to do with being grateful for what we do have, striving to be our best, and listening to our gut. It’s a combination.
I am blessed with where I am now, but I’m not staying here. That doesn’t mean this isn’t good, it means I fear stagnation.
It’s about continuing on the journey, and not assuming I’ve arrived and have no more work to do.
As far as wondering if my box should have more in it, that will come, as long as I keep moving in the direction I’m headed.
And my gut is the best indicator of whether I’m headed in the right direction.
So, if my gut says to go back to the box for a while, I should trust it?
I know some people are good at emptying their box and filling it with all new stuff, but I am a bit nostalgic. I don’t like to give up anything until I feel it has been completely used. Is it selfish? Is is prudent? Is it naive? Or is it just who I am?
I like to replace things slowly and in due time. Have you ever felt like you SHOULD get rid of something, but then there is something in your heart that tells you to tuck it away for a while longer? That is where I am.
There are other things that need my attention and change. Not what I chose to focus on. I have to pace myself…breathe
Z,
I’ll tell you what I’d do…
If my gut said stay in the box, I would listen… especially this time of the year when emotions are flying high. Once the new year starts, I’d take another good listen.
I’m like you – nostalgic. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. ;)
Yes… I have felt that I SHOULD get rid of something, and heard myself wrangle with that. I think the wrangling is growth, though I’m not always sure.
If different things require your attention, go easy on yourself in the other areas.
Oh, and when I’m feeling the same way, remind me to breathe.
Take care. ;)
Hi Jesse,
I am reading along and it occurs to me–I have had so much change that I no longer feel a box around me though there is one there–the grace of beautiful friends/family carrying me. I joke with friends that I am so far out of my comfort zone I do not even know what it is anymore.
My “two cents” to all who care to listen is to be aware of the nudges from the Universe and the intuition in you that is letting you know something is amiss or that all is well. The key is to find a quiet place to be able to sense those things–that is not so easy in our busy lives and the world of distractions in which we live.
I am starting to see light at the end of a very long struggle–so we are finding a better place with each passing day. Thank you! ; )
Be kind to yourself!
Lynn,
Beautiful.
Your two cents are always welcome here. I couldn’t agree more with what you said about nudges, and finding the quiet to listen.
So glad to hear of the light at the end of the tunnel.
All the best to you and yours. ;)
Thanks, Lynn for your two cents and Jesse for your wisdom…I am taking that to heart! The message is loud now. :) Glad you are on your way to a better place. It is truly great when you get there even with the occasional stumbling.
Happy weekend everyone!
Thanks for tweeting me back to this. Funny that I was thinking about this earlier today and appreciating how much growth has happened inside the box this past year. It’s lovely when you can have both. xx
Z,
Sometimes I’m so busy – head down, forging ahead – that I forget to appreciate how far we’ve come. Appreciating that growth is a good way to encourage further growth.