When Narcissists Carve Pumpkins

It’s highly unlikely that you’d get your favorite narcissist to spend an afternoon carving pumpkins with you.  They have much more important things to do.

But… if you find yourself on a day when the stars have aligned, the weather isn’t nice enough to do anything else, and you’ve sourced/doted on/adored your narcissist enough, he may acquiesce.


If he agrees, be prepared to hear some of the following:


“Hey, let’s keep the mess on the table.  Try to keep all the goo on the paper so it doesn’t get all over the house.”

“We don’t need those pattern thingys. Can’t you borrow some pumpkin carving tools from your mom?  I don’t want to have to spend any more than I have to on this project.  Besides, I can draw better than the folks that make those patterns.”

“Did you really just get pumpkin slime on your t-shirt?”

“Don’t draw the eyes so close together, that’s not what pumpkins look like.”

“We’ll keep these pumpkins at my house.  You guys get your own.”

“Make the mouth bigger.  You won’t be able to see it from the street.”



“No, that’s not how to do the eyes.  Here, let me show you.”

“Hey, watch it!  You got some on the floor.”

“Push up your sleeves.  You’re getting it all over everything.”

“You guys aren’t listening to me.”


At this point, the narcissist sighs deeply, asks you to hand him your tools and says, “Hey, I have an idea.  Why don’t you two go watch a show and I’ll finish the pumpkins.  That way they’ll be done right.”


On second thought, don’t ask your favorite narcissist if he wants to carve pumpkins with you.





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  1. A narcissist sounds like a pretty lame time. I guess painting pumpkins would be totally out of question — far too much mess, right?

  2. Meredith,

    Yep. Too much mess and you still run the risk of painting the face incorrectly. We all know that there’s only one way to do it right. I bet you can guess which way that is. ;)

  3. Jesse,

    This is so true–I always was amazed and perplexed how my ex-N could literally suck the fun out of anything we did together. Holidays seemed to be an especially bad time for us. I would definitely go with your last bit of advice and save the fun and mess for when the N is far away.

    Hugs and warm wishes . . .

  4. Jesse,
    As always you hit a tender spot with someone in all of your blogs. I read this post last night. Went to bed thinking about it, my heart going out to the kids. Woke up this morning, blog still on my mind. In the shower it hit me like a brick wall–this was my almost everyday. Messes were NEVER allowed, and nothing was EVER done good enough. Why do some adults have to be such bullies sometimes?

  5. You forgot: Have your mom buy your pumpkins, that is why I pay her!

  6. Lynn,

    To this day, I have to force myself to make the best of holidays. Anything fun always becomes work – work to make it all about him.

  7. Debbie,

    Sending a big warm hug.

    We’ve all read why bullies are bullies. What I can’t get my brain around is that in an effort to overcome the hurts they have received, they lash out at others – even their own kids.

    I have inadvertently said or done something to one of my two that hurts them. Lord knows I try not to, but it happens. NOTHING causes me more pain than the realization that I have hurt Jen or Will. How is that not the case with narcissistic parents? What is turned off in their brain?

  8. Z,

    I spewed coffee on the keyboard and damn near woke the kids with my laughing.

    Thanks for starting my day with humor! ;)

  9. Glad I could brighten your day! :D
    Have a super duper weekend.

  10. Z,

    You, too. Enjoy your weekend.

  11. “You go do something else while I do this right.” sums up my entire relationship with the narcissist in my life. (I refuse to call him ‘my’ narcissist. I am not responsible.)

  12. Sandy,

    I’ll kick him in the shins for you. I’d like to kick ’em all in the shins.

    And I like that!! You are right! You are NOT responsible.

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