Guest Post by Zaira
“And that’s why I hate my dad…” is what I heard after I explained what happened in mediation yesterday.
I can’t hide it.
I can’t shield him from the sour truth of his dad’s greed, ruthlessness, and revenge.
There will be items obviously missing from the home. I can explain why I agreed to give him these things that disrupt our space. I can look to the sweetness and say we can save for new things and bit by bit have our own way. But, I can’t explain WHY his dad is the way he is. I can talk about NPD. I can talk about his childhood and how it contributed to this disorder. But I can’t explain WHY he doesn’t get it.
WHY does he need our things when he has his own?
“He has three wine racks, why does he need one more?”
WHY doesn’t he see that the stuff he gains will ruin him in the eyes of his son.
“And that’s why I hate my dad…”
We looked at each other and without words understood the struggle.
We have to accept that we are the sweet and he is the sour.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, front lines, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, Parenting
Wonderful post, Z! I hadn’t realized that taking things was something a Narcissist might do until you mentioned it, but both of the N’s in my husband’s family do the same thing! And just as you wrote, why would they need those things when they have their own? It baffles the mind. It’s also pretty awesome that you and the kiddo are on the same page…makes dealing with the N much easier.
Taking back items the N had given as gifts was a frequent punishment in our house. He took my engagement ring and hid it for over a year because he didn’t feel married and I didn’t deserve it. He cleaned out my son’s room of all his clothes after he physically abused him because he was ungrateful…and didn’t deserve them. He does the same to my youngest. It’s not hard to become immaterial when things are used as pawns for control and manipulation. We have to stick together…it’s the best survival tactic!
Z,
You touch on another commonality with narcissists. They’ll use anything to exert control.
I can’t get beyond the fact that he allows his own pettiness to destroy his relationship with his son.