Invite the narcissist in your life to go to the movie you’ve been waiting all summer to see, but only if you dare. If it isn’t his idea, he won’t like the movie, and he won’t spare your feelings by pretending to like the movie. He’ll exit the theater, after sleeping through most of the film, and say something like, “Yeah, this was one of those movies.” Those movies aren’t on his list – his master list of all things approved by him.
Tell the narcissist in your life that you’ve grown two inches this summer and that you are running out of jeans, but only if you dare. He may agree to take you shopping, but not to the places you like. He won’t mince words when telling you which jeans he likes, and which jeans he hates. He never likes the jeans you like. He will look at your little sister and say,”Where’d you get that top?” When your sister tells him the name of the shop, he’ll shrug his shoulders as if to say, “No wonder.”
You will come home with new jeans that you don’t want.
If the narcissist invites you to spend the day with him doing those activities that he enjoys, you can tell him that you aren’t interested in the same kinds of activities that he’s interested in, but only if you dare. If you tell him you want to stay home and practice cartwheels, he’ll say he’d rather go rafting, because cartwheels are for little kids. If you tell him you’d like to go fishing, he’ll tell you where to fish and how to fish, but that’s not what he wants to do today.
If by some rare alignment of the stars, the narcissist agrees to do what you want to do, be prepared for him to pick apart the things you love about your favorite activities. You’ll be told that your pursuits aren’t athletic enough, or important enough, or relevant to him. You’ll be told that others are more creative. You’ll hear him talk of real talent and real athletes.
If the narcissist asks you what you are reading, he’ll cut you off before you finish telling him the title, so that he can tell you – at great length – about what he’s currently reading. When you attempt to comment on the book he’s reading, he’ll change the subject.
It is wiser to keep the things you love a secret from the narcissist – that way you can protect your precious passions. If you show the narcissist the sword and dagger you made of wood, he’ll tell you how he could have made a more artistic sword or more authentic dagger. If you tell him how far you drive the ball he’ll say, “I never cared much for golf.”
Narcissists make fun of you for loving what you love.
Narcissists diminish your passions, in an effort to diminish you.
Tell the narcissist of the things you love, but only if you dare.