The sun warmed our shoulders as the chairlift brought us to the top. I put my arm around Jen and snuggled her closer. “In your next life, I hope you pick a good dad.”
Jen laughed and said, “Oh! I will.”
“Tell me about him. What’ll he be like?”
Swinging her skis she said, “Well, he’ll listen to me. And he’ll be interested in me.”
“Oh, that’s good. That would be nice. What else?”
“He’d read a lot, but also be interested in working on projects with me. And he’d be funny, but not embarrassing funny. He’d put up with a mess and not yell.”
Our skis were swinging together as we continued to climb.
“So mom, tell me who you’d pick to be your dad next time.”
“Oh, like you, I guess. He’d listen and be interested in me. He’d read and be funny. I’d like him to be kind and compassionate. He’d appreciate craft projects and art and still hunt and fish. He’d be nice to kids and old people and animals.”
Jenny looked at me and said, “Oh yeah! He’d have to be nice to animals. What else?”
“Well, he’d understand that family is more important than work and that relationships come first.”
I looked at Jen, “Would you care what your dad looked like?”
“Nah, I don’t think it matters, do you?”
“No, it doesn’t, but I don’t want him to be too clean. Know what I mean?”
Jen flinched, “Oh ick. I know what you mean. Yeah, not too clean.”
As we approached the top of the lift, we scooted forward to the edge of the chair to get ready to ski off. I laughed, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Wait. I’m not sure if I’m describing a dad or a partner.”
We skied down the off-ramp and Jen yelled, “They are a lot the same!”
I love this. Jen is a smart chickie! ;)
Z,
Oh to have been that smart at her age… or this age. ;)
You have one smart, insightful daughter. The last line of this post says it all. They are a lot the same!! I think making a list is a good practice actually. If you don’t meet the wonderful qualities you both mentioned, move on :)
Hi Kira!
Absolutely! Don’t get sucked in trying to make something work that just isn’t right – for you or for him. Um… talking partners here. ;)
Agreed!! I can’t help but think why I didn’t do this in my last relationship LOL. I completely tried to make it work. I wore blinders for a long time. Too long! I think at least going forward we can do differently with the wisdom we’ve gained.
Kira,
Omigosh! I know what you mean. I ‘spose some have that infamous black book – full of names. My black book (and I do have one) is full of characteristics and qualities that I hope one day complement what I have to offer. Trouble is, it sits under my bed, and I often forget to refer to it when being swept up by the possibility of someone actually enjoying my company.
I’m learning. Slowly but surely.
Likewise! I get caught up…or what’s a better word, smitten when I start something new. We could save ourselves a lot of frustration and stress if we keep our black books in full view :). I am removing mine from the dresser draw stat. First new entry: Does this person compliment me? Do they make me happy/better? Do they share my interests or at least respect them? Does he really see me? Does he love me wholeheartedly, regardless my imperfections? Do I feel safe/assured with him?
Learning is a process my dear but slowly & surely is better than not at all. You at least know what you don’t need/want.
Kira,
Thank you! Adding to my list: Does he really see me? Do I feel safe (this is a big one) with him.
You know, I made a list once when I got restless. I decided I wanted more than I was getting. So, I went out searching for the more, but found it instead of what I already had. It really made me re-prioritize that list. What I have is everything I need. The rest went into the ‘nice to have’ category.
Z,
That’s such a good place to be.
That’s why my black book is under my bed. I’m content for now. I’ve a list of what might be ‘nice to have’. Someday.