The Poster Child for Narcissism

don't tread on me“Hey, you’re new in here.  What can I get you?”

“Oh, just water for me.  I don’t like to lose control.”  He sits on a stool a couple spots away from a woman seated at the bar.  “I think my ex-wife comes in here.  I was hoping to run into her.”

The bartender laughed, “That’s not something I hear very often.  You want to run into your ex-wife?”

“Yes.  I’m selling my car and I’m hoping she’ll buy it for our son.”

The bartender slides a glass of water across the bar.  “Tell me about this car.”

“It’s a Toyota Camry, in excellent condition.  She’s got a few miles on her.  I’ve had her for almost 20 years, but I took great care of her.  Now the boy needs a car, so I figure it’ll work out great for all of us if the ex-wife buys it for him.”

“I see.  So, how much are you asking?”

“I’m only asking $4500.  The Blue Book is really good on Toyotas, so I’m sure I could get that.”

“Wow.  That seems steep for a 20 year old car.”

“Well, like I said, I’ve taken great care of her.”

 

The bartender returns to fill his water after taking an order at the other end of the bar.  The guy leans forward and whispers, “Who’s the brunette at the end of the bar?  I caught her checking me out.”

The bartender smiled, “She’s a regular.  Married.  Angry.  Stay away from that one.”

The guy leans back and laughs, “Aren’t they all?”

“Married?”

“No.  Angry.”

 

 

The bartender wipes a section of the bar and says, “Well, I wouldn’t know about that.  In her case, she’s married to a jerk.”

Of course that’s what she says.  They’re all married to jerks.  Just ask ’em.”

The bartender folded the bar towel.  “So, about this car.  My nephew just got his license.  He might be interested.  He’s got a job.  He could probably go three grand.  What would you say to a cash offer?”

The guy laughs.  “Oh, hell no!  It’s a game.  Dontcha see?  I gotta get her to buy the car for him.  That’s the fun part.  I had our son hanging the For Sale signs in the Toyota just the other day.  I wanted him to think about what it’d be like for someone else to buy that car.  He grew up with that car.  He’ll miss it if his mom doesn’t buy it for him.”

From the end of the bar the brunette shouted, “Why don’t you just give your son the damn car?”

The bartender poured another glass of red for the brunette and, as he walked toward her he said to the guy, “I told you she was angry.”

The guy ignored the brunette’s comment.

 

After filling a couple drink orders, the bartender returned to stand in front of the guy.  “So, what are you gonna do if the ex doesn’t buy the car?”

“That won’t happen.  If having the boy drive the car around with the For Sale signs in the window doesn’t pull at his heartstrings, I’ll give them all the silent treatment.  That works every time.  Three or four days of not hearing from me, and they’ll call and beg to buy the car.  Mark my words.  They’ll probably offer me more than what I’m asking.”

The bartender laughed and said, “That’s impressive buddy.  Good luck.”

The guy finished his water and stood to leave.  “It’s just a matter of time.”

 

The brunette watched the guy walk out of the bar.  She turned to the bartender, “Who the hell was that guy?”

The bartender laughed, “Oh, you don’t recognize him?  He’s the Poster Child for Narcissism.”

The brunette took a sip of wine, “And my husband is their leader.”

 

 

 

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12 comments

  1. Oh for frickle sake…please tell me that is not based on a true story!!! I have had enough of all their bs lately..poster child and his leader. One of them is no longer my problem in a month (new job). The other one I can’t shake, unfortunately, but would like to violently.

  2. Z,

    Yay! on the new job! Oh, a new chapter. Awesome!

    Yep. It’s based on a true story. Although the real number is 5K and the car is 23 years old.

    Yeah, I get the wanting to shake violently.

  3. The gall of some people!!!
    Did you want to scream: GIVE YOUR KID THE CAR!!!
    I did and was glad that the angry woman at the end of the bar did it. (Was that me? lol)

    Thank you! I can’t wait to move to where the drama is manageable. xx

  4. Jesse,

    As I was reading, I was so hoping it was entirely fiction. Unfortunately, these true stories are truly “stranger than fiction” in such painful and frustrating ways. I am so sorry!!

    I appreciate your writings and humor. Thank you for being here! It helps beyond description!!

    I’ll share some red with you anytime!! : )

  5. Z,

    Hell, yes! Of course I wanted to scream that!

    But I didn’t because …. well, because there’s no point. He’s a frickin’ narcissist!

    But, I’ll admit that every person I’ve told that story to has screamed it for me!

  6. Lynn,

    I read this post to Jen and Will. We shake our heads and laugh. My kids have developed some awesome senses of humor.

    Yes, red and laughter – two important keys to surviving narcissists.

  7. I’m still shaking my head in disbelief…

  8. Pat,

    And I’m not surprised. Guess I’ve gotten used to his antics.

  9. It’s been a bit since I’ve been on here, but EVERY post that I’ve read I actually snort at the end! AND I read his parts in HIS voice!

    Love you to the stars and beyond……..
    xoxo

  10. Annie!

    Holy Hannah! How’ve you been?

    You mean the condescending, patronizing voice – right?

    Love to you, too!! And thanks for stopping by. :)

  11. It’s hard not to respond here with a story of my own, but I will spare you. Honestly, I will never understand that kind of selfishness. At the moment I’m just glad I’m not like that. If they didn’t cause other people so much pain I would almost feel sorry for them. Like that line in Harry Potter where he tells Voldemort that he will never know real love or friendship and that he feels sorry for him. And wow, what kind of person do you have to be, to be compared to the guy who chopped up his own soul in a delusional attempt to live forever?(Hope you’ve already read it!)

  12. Sandy,

    Please share your story. That’s the point here – to help others who are struggling with narcissism.

    p.s. No pressure, tho. ;)

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