“Okay you guys. What do you think? Any red flags? Let me have it.” (I’m not sure I can trust myself to see things clearly.)
Kids are like pets. They know who to steer clear of and who to trust – instinctively. Come to think of it, adults probably have those same instincts, but they long ago stopped listening to them – or at least I did.
Will laughed and immediately said, “No! No red flags. You’re kidding, right? Why?” Jen smiled and shook her head.
“Come on Jen, are you holding back? You can tell me. It’s okay.”
“No, mom, really. I don’t see anything.”
“You’d be honest with me, right? This isn’t just about me. This impacts all of us.”
They laughed and changed the subject. That’s usually my clue that I’m talking a subject to death.
But this morning, when writing school lists, folding laundry, and checking my email every three minutes, I got to thinking about how weird this is – dating with kids – for them. They are along for a ride they didn’t sign up for. What are they supposed to say when I ask them what they think? They see their mom happy. If they have any empathy at all – and we know they do – they’ll do what they can to avoid upsetting my happy apple cart.
And then I think back to last night’s dinner. The four of us sat around the kitchen table, laughing, telling stories, asking questions – attempting to get to know each other. Even Nina was hanging out in the kitchen, instead of hiding from this new person that threatened her lap time.
I saw Will let his guard down and relax in a way he is never comfortable enough to do with his dad. Will got to discuss fishing with a guy whose eyes don’t glaze over the way mine do at the mere mention of fishing. I saw Jenny in her comfort zone, not her shy-around-a-stranger zone. She’d wait her turn to interject something and tell a story – a whole story, directed at him, with eye-contact even, in an accent. I can’t remember her ever doing that with her dad. I saw him politely defend Jen when Will started teasing her. She has a new ally.
Imagine! They carry on a conversation – the three of them – without my having to facilitate anything. That is a novel concept in my world.
The next time I find myself over-thinking, expecting the worst, or wondering about red flags, I’ll invite him for dinner. I’ll sit back and watch how he interacts with Jen and Will, and I’ll look to make sure Nina is sitting under the table, too.
Tags: a girl can dream, child of narcissist, gentle reminders, love, trust
“They laughed and changed the subject. That’s usually my clue that I’m talking a subject to death.”
This happens at my house too.
Jesse,
I love, love, love this!! Pets and kids are good emotional barometers!! I am cheering for all of you and wishing you every happiness!! You SO deserve to find genuine companionship!
Hugs . . .
Sandy,
I’m glad my house isn’t the only one. ;)
Lynn,
So do you, Lynn! So do you. :)
Thank you Jesse!! I think it will happen one of these unexpected moments. ; )
I suggest you look at HIS pets. ;) A true “barometer” is how his pets/companions are/act.
Remember…companions ride in the back… partners walk side by side.
You all deserve this… The comfort of being yourself with someone new, a fresh start, ease of conversation, an ally. xxx
Lynn,
:) That’s just the best – not knowing when or where.
Hank,
Welcome! Funny you should say that. He has two dogs and one cat. (Thank God he’s a cat person!) His dogs are kind and loving. If Jen doesn’t mind being around them, that says volumes. Oh, and I like the way he talks to his critters. No yelling or talking down, just warmth, teasing and kindness. All good signs.
Thanks for writing.
Jesse no need to over think. Our body remembers, if we listen, and will always chime us in. The troops response, including Nina, is a good first indicator :). Glad to see they were able to let their guard down to someone I hope continues to spark ease, laughter, and happiness.
Kira!
It’s always nice to see you here!
And you touched on an interesting point: Ease. Yes! That is easily overlooked, and so necessary. Ease with laughter; ease with happiness; ease with comfort; ease with honesty. Oh my!