When Your Lizard Brain is Your Dating Coach

lizard brain dating coachIf your lizard brain stands in as your dating coach, odds are you’d better stay home.

 

Lizard Brain:  You aren’t wearing those shoes are you?

Me:  Why not?  What’s wrong with them?

LB:  Well, those heels will probably make you taller than he is, but it’s up to you.

Me:  Fine.  I’ll wear flats.

 

LB:  You shoulda picked up some of that stuff for whitening your teeth when you were at the drug store.

Me:  My teeth are fine.

LB:  Are you sure about that?

 

Me:  Don’t bring up anything about my past relationships during dinner.  Deal?

LB:  Ha!  What else is there to talk about?  You could write the book on failed relationships.

Me:  I mean it.  Don’t go there.

 

LB:  Make sure you compare him to all those who have gone before.  Guys looooove that.

Me:  Knock it off!  How will I see any red flags if I don’t make any comparisons?

LB:  Well, it’s smarter to go in expecting red flags!  That way you’ll be prepared for them!

Me:  That’s not funny.

 

LB:  When are you going to get those brows waxed?

Me:  Shut up.

 

LB:  Here’s the plan: Find out what he’s looking for in a partner and then be that person.

Me:  Yeah, because that worked so well the last seven times I tried that.

LB:  Maybe this time you’ll get it right.

 

LB:  For God’s sake, don’t tell him about your insecurities.  Keep that stuff hidden!

Me:  That’s not helping.

LB:  Nevermind.  I’m sure he’ll see your insecurities coming in the door ahead of you.

 

LB:  That new TV series you’ve been wanting to watch starts tonight.  Why don’t you cut your losses and stay home?

Me:  Shut up.

 

LB:  If you are going to do this, you may as well skip the padded bra.  You’re not fooling anyone.

Me:  Stop it.

 

LB:  You know he’s going to be like the others, don’t you?  He won’t keep his promises either.

Me:  Maybe this one’s different.

LB:  Reading fairy tales again, are you?

 

LB:  Maybe you ought to just enjoy the ride for a bit, before you start to show him the real you.

Me:  What do you mean by that?

LB:  Well once he gets to know the real you, he won’t stick around.  Why would he?

Me:  Thanks a lot.

 

Me:  Do you have anything encouraging to offer?

LB:    Ah …  Let’s see …  There are a lot of fish in the sea?

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4 comments

  1. Jesse,

    The “inner talk” when trying to date can be so negative. I totally get that. I think it is especially so coming out of a relationship where one is made to feel crazy and that one’s opinion does not matter and is not trustworthy. It makes it hard to trust outwardly toward others and inwardly–our own intuition.

    I so appreciate how you put in words the experiences of life–before, during, and after life with a N.

    I wish you lots of happy dates free of the LB!!

  2. Lynn,

    Ha! Do you wonder if we’ll ever be free of our Lizard Brain? And do those who have only enjoyed healthy relationships have a LB as loud as ours?

    There again, we’d be lost without our senses of humor!

  3. Dear Jesse,

    Yes, I do wonder . . . and thank God for my richly cultivated, dark humor that has carried me through some unimaginable days. Thank you for sharing your experiences so genuinely and beautifully!

    Have a fun, long weekend!!

    : )

  4. Lynn,

    I’m trying to post comments sooner, but life has big changes in store for us, and I’m struggling to get everything done!

    It’s all good. :)

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