When An HSP Goes No Contact

clinging to summerWhen an HSP goes No Contact, it will take some time for calm to seep back in to daily life. Many things that had been a struggle – things that didn’t need to be – become easy again.

Once you’ve gone No Contact, the first time you go to a restaurant, you’ll relax with the realization that you won’t feel the need to catch the waiter’s eye to express a silent apology for the inexcusable way he was treated. Remember how you would wince when the wait staff approached the table? Would your dinner date be friendly, or dismissive? Would she talk down to the waiter, or would he flirt with the waitress?

Even for an HSP, going out in public will be easier now that you don’t have to try to anticipate your partner’s mood.

 

Pins and needles will find their rightful places in craft projects. You won’t be walking on them any more.

 

You’ll no longer have to steel yourself if the phone rings, bringing her an unwanted, ill-timed call that ends with her lambasting the poor soul who happened to dial the wrong number.

When you go No Contact, the holidays will go back to their usual craziness. They won’t be days filled with excuses and bickering – no more complaints about your cooking, the decorations or the lack of a suitable present. You won’t be expected to gush over the skis he bought – the ones he got instead of the ones you asked for, because you can’t possibly know enough to pick out your own skis.

You won’t have to wear uncomfortable clothes – the stuff he bought you – to avoid his snarky looks when you wear the clothes you like.

 

When a highly sensitive person goes No Contact, his battery doesn’t die as quickly.  He won’t need to find a quiet corner to regroup after every interaction. His energy reserves won’t be depleted between the first cup of coffee and the getting out the door in the morning.

You’ll be free to get weepy over a good movie or well-up with tears at the picture of your girlfriend’s new grandbaby. You won’t have to watch the shows that make you squirm. You won’t be ridiculed for being wimpy or thin-skinned.

 

 

 

No Contact means you won’t have to measure your words before speaking.

No Contact means your words won’t be taken out of context.

No Contact means the only expectations you’ll fail to meet will be your own.

 

If you are an HSP who loves/needs to read, you probably got those sideways glances whenever you dared to pick up a book.  You know the look.  The one that said, “You mean you are going to read when you could be giving me all your attention?”  Once you go No Contact, you can read whenever and wherever you like. Read, dear HSP, read. Don’t feel guilty. Feed your tired brain. You don’t need permission!

When an HSP goes NO Contact, he is free to be who he is without judgments or “constructive criticisms” or suggestions that if he were a “real” man, he’d be able to handle her moods.  “A ‘real’ man wouldn’t get his feelings hurt over that.  What’s your problem?”

HSPs intrinsically know that they are a work in progress.  Everyone is, but a highly sensitive person can’t help but work on himself.  That’s how he’s wired.  Once he goes No Contact, he will no longer be her work in progress.  He will then be able to work at his pace, on the areas that he deems necessary.

 

After several months of No Contact, the HSP will feel less and less guilty for not being what she needed. He’ll find the space to be what he needs to be, in all his feeling, sensitive, thin-skinned glory.

No Contact allows for acceptance of sensitivity – no excuses, no apologies.

 

 

 

 

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16 comments

  1. I posted this great meme earlier today. It said, “Silence isn’t empty, it is full of answers.”

    Hope you are well and enjoying your silence. xoxo

  2. Z,

    I like that. Finding lots of answers, and myself, in the silence.

    I trust that you are well. Hugs.

  3. Lots of soul searching, re-balancing, and strength coming from my silence. Today, I am focusing on the meaning of the 9th day of the 9th month of the 9th year dimension in my life. This month will be interesting if it affects me like I think it might. It’s been a while since I looked to the stars for an inkling of what may come or what transformation may happen. Deep thoughts today as I consider shedding the old and nuturing new things. I am very well. I hope you are too!

    Love and hugs,
    Z

  4. Z,

    Did you come up with anything yesterday as regards the 9th day/9th month/9th year dimension? I’d love to hear.

    You sound very good. I’m glad of that.

  5. It’s time to reflect on the lessons learned in the past 9 years, let go of anything that is holding you back, then at the end of September, your soul will elevate to the next level transformed for future lives. Specifically, the dates in September are the 9th, 18th, and 27th. The 9th is for letting go. The 18th is for releasing the fears that hold you back and the 27th is the transcendence, a new consciousness. It focuses on relationships with others and yourself. You outgrow the old (that is definitely what has happened with me), need to shed all dependencies of that relationship, and move on with a new mindset of self worth. Consciously, I have reflected on those past relationship events that taught me the most and worked on improving my current environment. There was a big shift in the old on the 9th and I feel relieved as I was fretting about having to confront that head on because it was becoming intrusive as my boundaries were disrespected over and over. I may still have to, but the universe did something to facilitate the removal of that person from my existence and given me space to sort through my feelings. My horoscope also says that this month has a big relationship upset and then true love through the end of the year. I do have someone new in my life that I like very much. So, I am exploring all of this while trying to be conscientious of the changes so that they will be permanent. Here is the link to the 9:9:9 Gateway explanation http://www.iammysoul.com/blog/999-gateway-energy

  6. Z,

    I checked out the link, but not until the 11th. I got the chills when I realized that an event happened on the 9th (for me) that coincides with what I read. Point being, I didn’t manipulate anything to happen on the 9th. It happened, and after the fact, I read the link. And the link was correct! So far …. ;)

    I can’t thank you enough for sending this.

    I am excited, and at the same time, I am approaching this month, and this new chapter, with ease.

    Ease.

    Ease.

    Ease.

    xo

  7. Love this Jesse! Thank you! I am intrigued by the 9: 9: 9 and had an experience on the 9th too. That is very, very interesting!

    I am so grateful for this blog!

    Thanks again and again!

  8. Lynn!

    Seriously!?

    I love that stuff. :)

    Thanks for being here. It wouldn’t be the same without you.

  9. I am so glad others are experiencing this too. There are other things happening in my life that may also bring big changes. The opportunities are swirling in this week. I am so excited! For all of us! Now to stay focused and conscientious of the future…

  10. Z,

    Can’t wait to see what today brings! :)

    (Just realized it would serve me well to have that attitude every day.)

  11. “Can’t wait to see what today brings…” and at the end of the day to tell the universe what part of the day I’m grateful for.”

  12. Pat,

    I really like that. Thanks for the reminder. :)

    Sending hugs.

  13. Did you make it through the 18th? How do you feel today?

  14. Z,

    *deep breath*

    This has been a weird week. Some good weird and some not so good weird. After what seems like several weird weeks, this one feels like the Universe threw a bunch of stuff at me and said, “There. Sort this out. Pick and choose what you want to do, but realize that you can decline things. It’s up to you. But what you accept, what you choose to do will keep coming your way. Choose wisely.”

    I’m still not sure about my choices, but I got the message loud and clear.

    And you? How was your week?

  15. Trusting my decision making capacity is still a struggle so I get where you are coming from. My week was good. I think that what left my life earlier this month is gone for good and new opportunities are working their way in. I was a bit unsettled yesterday, but it has stabilized today and I am ready to keep moving forward no matter what happens!

  16. Z,

    You touch on an important point… It’s good to remember that the “unsettled” doesn’t last. Sometimes in the middle of unsettled, it’s hard to remember that it will end.

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