Oh! The Feelings!

oh the feelings“So you know, since your classes are at night, we won’t be having dinner together.”

“Yeah.  I guess that’s right.”

He’s organizing his papers and looking at his new schedule.  Many pieces have fallen into place to bring him to this point.  It has been hectic around here.  He’s starting this school sooner than we had expected, and we haven’t considered all the ramifications.  I know it hasn’t occurred to him that we won’t be having dinner together.  He’s the one who wanted to take his classes at night.  He’s a night owl.  This is perfect.

It’s dumb that I bring up the dinner thing, but it had just dawned on me.  Dinner has always been a big deal to me.  As much as I may not want to cook some nights, I love that time of the day when everything that can be done is done, and we can eat dinner and “hit relax mode.”

He zips up his backpack and says, “How are we going to do dinners?”

Now I feel bad for having brought it up.  “It’s only on the week nights.  We still have weekend nights to do dinners.”

“Yeah.  I guess you’re right.  But when are we gonna finish watching Bones together?”

I laugh and say, “Well we have the weekends for that, too.  You know, other kids go to college in another town.  I’m lucky that you are sticking around!”

He grins and starts putting on his coat.

“I’m gonna stay up and wait for you, so I can hear about your first day.”  He knows I would do that.  I don’t need to tell him.

“You better get going.  You don’t want to be late for your first day of college.  And besides, if you stick around any longer, you’ll have to start handing me kleenexes.”  I’m trying to lighten the mood.

Jenn is in the kitchen.  He yells, “Love you!” to Jenn and gives me a hug.  He looks at me and says, “Love you,” and he’s out the door.


I’m fine.  Really.  I am.

Jenn says, “Are you okay?”



I hate when someone asks me that, when I’m not okay.  I laugh and say, “I hate it when you ask me if I’m okay cuz then I’ll start crying.  But I’d hate it more if you didn’t ask if I’m okay.”  We start laughing.

And then it hits me.  “Jenn!  We don’t have to watch TV tonight!  Oh my Gawd!  We can read, and pin stuff and write and listen to the quiet.  I mean, you can turn on the TV if you want, but ….  Well, you know.”

(Will is the TV watcher of the three of us.)

Jenn nods and smiles.  “I’m good with whatever, mom.”

“You know what, honey?  We can have an introvert’s night!  We’ll have a lot of introverting nights!  Just think!?”   Then I back-pedal a bit and say, “Not that I don’t like having your extroverting brother around, but, well, you know…”

Jenn looks at me and in her calming voice says, “Mom, you’ve had extroverting nights for 18 years.  It’s okay to have some introverting nights now.”

So I think about reading and writing on the blog and checking into Pinterest.  It’s hard to focus.  Where do I start an introverting night?  Harry Potter?  Twitter?


We had a little dinner.  I realize that dinner is a bigger production with a male appetite.  Gotta make sure Jenn and I don’t waste away.

“Hey!  We could watch a chick flick!”  Jenn says, “Or one of the Avenger movies you haven’t seen yet.”

We sit at the table after dinner and contemplate what two introverts like to do when the extrovert isn’t there to make suggestions.

I look up at her and say, “Let’s watch The Decoy Bride.  I love that one.”  She agrees.

We get up from the table to carry our dishes to the sink and Jenn says, “It sure is quiet around here.”



*Jenn made me this bracelet on the second night of introverting.  I put some drops of stress relief on the piece of felt inside the coiled wire.




Related Post

Ignore the Two Steps Back One step forward, two steps back. One step forward, two steps back. One step for......   I know, already!     Yet I can be found grumbling, kicking rocks and beating myself up with each one of those steps tak...
Narcissism Pisses Me Off Today we skied like we could be Olympic contenders - in our dreams.  We laughed, inhaled fresh mountain air, and got that really good tired.  Then we came home and made fajitas, sat by the fire and watched amazing athletes compete on T.V. It was a...
The beginning … This is the beginning. This is where I start to sort out what it means to survive narcissism.  I am still coming out on the other side of this relationship.  I'm not sure anyone knows how long it takes to make sense of the experience.  Maybe I wil...
Playing For Keeps "There's no such thing as certainty." "Take it one day at a time." "People grow and change." "Forever is for Twinkies and the winter of 2010-2011." "There are no guarantees in life." I've come to believe that forever is as long as thin...

Tags: , , , , , ,


  1. Such wonderful winds of change in your home–have the Kleenex handy–and extra buttons to replace the ones that pop when you feel all the pride and love all of you so deserve!! Congratulations to all of you!! :)

  2. *sniffling* OK, OK. I admit it… had to get the tissue for the tears. Hugs2u & your family What a unique & wonderful time for all. Wow! This is such a precious post with such precious people.

    Oh, the opportunities, for all. Oh, the places you will go. Oops…I know that’s from a Dr. Seuss book, but it wasn’t intended to be his line. I was simply thinking it. It began with you Jesse…the places you will go & continues. Jenn so reminds me of my daughter. She’ll suggest things to do if she thinks I need a little comforting. Sweet fellow telling his sister goodbye before heading to the door.

    This is major stuff. Major stuff is so enhancing. We acknowledge our emotions. When ready, we get them organized after that big emotional part & we move forward into the beautiful tomorrow.

    The “now” of now is not the final of now…it’s a step forward of great memories & more moments of now. :)

    Now, time for another tissue.

  3. Jenn is so wise & smart…you’ve had 18 years of extroverted nights. Now it’s girl time. Works so well when both are of the Introvert persuasion.

  4. COLLEGE!!!!! OH. MY. GAWD!!! :O
    I will be in Seattle in April… I miss you. Sorry I have been absent. Life and letting go got in the way. I know you know what I mean, soul sister. Here’s to introverted evenings and adjusting to life. xxx

  5. Lynn,

    All these changes make it pretty windy, but we’re used to that living on the Front Range!

    Sending hugs. :)

  6. Kay,

    Your comment sparked a thought… As all fine comments do. :)

    If all parents modeled dealing with and processing emotion…. Oh, my! We wouldn’t need counselors, therapists and anti-depressants. Okay, that might be a bit optimistic, but what if?

    Thanks for the fine words.

    p.s. I love that Dr. Seuss book.

  7. Kay,

    She’s also the wise soul that once said, “Mom, if it weren’t for Will, we’d never leave the house.”

  8. Zaira,

    I’m gonna manifest a rendezvous with you in April.

    Will manifested his truck and school starting when it did.

    Jen manifested a trip to New York! She’s there as I type this comment to you.

    I’m gonna learn from them!

Leave a comment