The World Revolves Around Me
4
Feb 11
Narcissism Knows No Bounds
Jenny selected the shiny brown bowl circled by a ring of cobalt blue. She hoped I would love it, and I did. She was excited to give the bowl to me as a gift. The ceramic bowl is the perfect size for almonds or pretzels. Continue reading →
28
Jan 11
In Other News
Monday, I received an email from Mark. In the email he told me that Jen and Will are truly amazing children, and he thanked me for doing such a great job raising them. Continue reading →
19
Jan 11
The Proof is in the Fritos
Late Monday afternoon I had the opportunity to enjoy a guilty pleasure. My kids were gone. I got a break from being a role model. I sat at the table in front of my laptop reading blog posts, while dipping Fritos in chili. Continue reading →
6
Jan 11
Solving a Mystery
This morning I was getting ready to put the finishing touches on a post about boundaries. I’d been convinced that things were going well with Mark because we had put some boundaries in place that protected us from hurts, while allowing for a modicum of a relationship with Mark. Continue reading →
1
Dec 10
Seriously?
A couple days before Thanksgiving, I called Mark to explain that the kids weren’t ready for a visit at his house. The first thing out of his mouth was, “What’s that about?”
I sighed and said, “The phone calls are going well. They just aren’t up for hanging at your place yet. When they went to dinner at the restaurant with you last week, they felt completely left out of the conversation.”
He laughed and said, “That’s ridiculous. The whole conversation was directed at them. It’s all about Jen and Will right now.”
I said I was sorry, but that they asked me to deliver the message that they wouldn’t be going to his house.
Then, out of habit, I said, “Happy Thanksgiving.” I didn’t say it to be snarky, sarcastic or snide. It’s a custom in our culture. That’s what people say this time of year.
He answered with, “Thank you.”
21
Nov 10
Gaslighting
As I was sitting down to write a new post, I discovered this article by Lisa E. Scott on her site, vainencounters.com:
The “Crazy-Making” Behavior of a Narcissist.
I identified with everything in Lisa’s article. She also mentions the term, gaslight. I had to Google some more. I had heard the term, but never paid attention. I didn’t know it applied to me.
I found this article by Robin Stern, Ph.D.:
What is Gaslighting?
__________
I had today’s post composed in my head before I had discovered the gaslighting stuff. I even had the appropriate pictures selected. I was ready to hit publish. The post was about how I’m tempted to believe that Mark is changing. I was going to write that I’ve been thinking I really managed to get through to him. I was even wondering if Narcissists are capable of seeing who and what they are, and that their behaviors have a detrimental effect on their families.
You’d think I’d know better by now.
Last night he came over to discuss Christmas gift ideas with the kids.
He left and Jenny broke into tears.
I was present for all the conversations. I heard the veiled put downs, and the not-so-subtle dismissals of the dolls Jenny wants, and the ski pants Will wants. I heard his jovial-sounding sarcastic jabs. In his sing-song voice he said, “Well Honey Bear, I thought you wanted a baby doll carriage. You mean you still like Barbies, too? You still like babies and Barbies?”
“So Will, do you think these ski pants would be cool enough for you?”
These are pokes and prods. These are smarmy little attempts at sounding like an interested dad, but really they show how little he knows them, and how little he cares.
This morning’s discovery of gaslighting was another whisper from the Universe. This time she said, “Hon, don’t be fooled. Don’t believe, for one second, that a Narcissist is capable of changing. It will never be about the kids. It will always be about him. Check out this post on gaslighting. It applies to you, Sweetie, and your kids, too.”
At least she’s still whispering. I half expect her to come at me next time with a 2 x 4.
18
Nov 10
Mom, It’s Like This…
“You know when you’re standing in line at the grocery store and the customer in front of you is talking to the cashier? You know how the cashier sort of smiles, keeps working, and tries to answer the customer’s question, but really they just want to get through with that customer, and get on to the next, and be done working for the day?
You know how the cashier seems like she doesn’t really care about what the customer is talking about?
That’s what it’s like when I’m talking to dad.”
14
Nov 10
Can It Be?
They hadn’t seen him in three weeks. On Friday night, they spent over five hours with him. When they walked in the door, at the end of the night, I did a quick scan to check for rapid blinking, slumped shoulders, nervous pacing or shell-shocked expressions. Continue reading →
5
Nov 10
Canoeing Over Class 5 Rapids
I never got the hang of water skiing. I tried. I only ever managed to cling to the rope while I was drug around the lake, ending up with extra long arms to prove how hard I tried. Continue reading →
