A couple days before Thanksgiving, I called Mark to explain that the kids weren’t ready for a visit at his house. The first thing out of his mouth was, “What’s that about?”
I sighed and said, “The phone calls are going well. They just aren’t up for hanging at your place yet. When they went to dinner at the restaurant with you last week, they felt completely left out of the conversation.”
He laughed and said, “That’s ridiculous. The whole conversation was directed at them. It’s all about Jen and Will right now.”
I said I was sorry, but that they asked me to deliver the message that they wouldn’t be going to his house.
Then, out of habit, I said, “Happy Thanksgiving.” I didn’t say it to be snarky, sarcastic or snide. It’s a custom in our culture. That’s what people say this time of year.
He answered with, “Thank you.”
They hadn’t seen him in three weeks. On Friday night, they spent over five hours with him. When they walked in the door, at the end of the night, I did a quick scan to check for rapid blinking, slumped shoulders, nervous pacing or shell-shocked expressions. 
I never got the hang of water skiing. I tried. I only ever managed to cling to the rope while I was drug around the lake, ending up with extra long arms to prove how hard I tried. 
I play mental tricks on myself. When we wake to nine inches of new snow and a temperature of 15 degrees, I tell myself, “Hey, we have lots of firewood, the furnace is working and the skiing will be great.” When our typically bright blue sky is overcast and gray for the second day in a row, I grouse a little and remind myself that I’m getting lots of chores done. When my kids complain about having to do lessons in the morning instead of riding their bikes or skateboarding, I remind them, “You know, you guys could be sitting in a desk at public school for seven hours.” 
Just received an email from a dear friend. Her youngest has gone off to college. She lives on the other side of the country, and yet I can feel how her life has shifted in a plate tectonics sort of way. I’d like to be camped at her house with cocktails, dinners, movies and whatever her favorite distractions may be. I know that the gesture would be appreciated, but that’s the last thing she would want right now. 
