Tools

Child of Narcissist / Home School / parenting / Quotes / Random Observations / Tools — 10 Comments
14
Nov 11

The Impact of Attitude

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company … a church … a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude … I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.
And so it is with you … we are in charge of our Attitudes.
C. Swindoll*

I have a choice.

I could wake this morning, annoyed that winter is on its way, and I’ll soon be shoveling walks and hauling firewood; or I could appreciate the built-in exercise routine that doesn’t require a monthly health club fee.

I could be angry that I am a single mom with full responsibility for raising two kids by myself; or I could appreciate how fortunate I am that they are with me 98 percent of the time.

I could be missing the much nicer house we used to live in, and the lack of money worries; or I could appreciate that this home is full of love and comfort, and my kids have learned valuable lessons that come from living within our means.

I could be annoyed by the mess from the English Muffins and coffee makings; or I could appreciate that they can make their own breakfast, and make me a cup while they’re at it.

I could be anxious that I’m single and 49; or I could revel in the sheer joy of being single and 49.

I could be worried about what the future holds, and whether I’ll benefit from the choices I’m making; or I could trust that the level of contentment I see in the three of us is a good indication that we are headed in the right direction.

I could be cranky about having started a bathroom remodel when I know next to nothing about such things; or I could turn this into a homeschool project where all three of us learn in the process.

I could bark at the kids when I can’t handle the mess; or I could acknowledge that this is their house, too, and gently ask them to help when I feel overwhelmed.

__________

 


I could choose to see what is wrong in our life and our choices; or I could choose to see what is right.


I can choose to wake with a positive attitude and greet my two with a smile and a kind voice that gets the day off to a good start.


I have a choice.


*Thank you, Kate.  ;)

Child of Narcissist / parenting / Random Observations / Tools — 12 Comments
9
Nov 11

Ordinary, Everyday Bright Spots

pressed-leaf1They are in there.

I promise.

You might have to train yourself to look at things differently.

Some bright spots may require a little effort on your part.

Some bright spots just happen.

Once you notice them, savor them.

  • Perfectly steeped tea, toast with the right amount of seedless raspberry jam, a good magazine and a few quiet moments to read.
  • A Jackson Browne song, followed by a Bonnie Raitt song, followed by Fleetwood Mac on the radio as you’re driving down a tree-lined street under a canopy of red, yellow and gold.
  • When the kids enjoy working together to build a ginormous pile of leaves for jumping in; and the sound of their caring, cooperative voices laughing and happy.
  • A canceled dad visit.
  • An email from a friend that simply says, “I was thinking of you today.”
  • The cat jumping into your lap, simultaneously warming you and slowing your heart rate.
  • When she finds the perfect leaf engraved with the mysterious zig zag and sets about pressing it in waxed paper between two heavy cookbooks, and doesn’t ask for help.
  • When he yells, “Thanks for washing my clothes, mom!”
  • A long, hot, uninterrupted, steamy shower with time to apply rosemary-scented pumice foot rub on dry cracked heels.
  • Spontaneous hugs and whispers of “I love you” from the child who didn’t use to be so demonstrative.
  • When she says, “Mom, can I fold the towels?  Please?”
  • When, at 4:30, you call and invite someone for dinner at 6, and they say, “Yes!  And I’ll bring the wine!”
  • When you stop raking for a second, realize that it’s not windy, and you can hear the train rumbling along the tracks down by the river and the high-pitched sound of the wings of the Canadian Geese as they fly over head.
  • That first sip of Merlot when the spaghetti sauce is simmering gently, the kids are outside rolling in the leaves and Dean Martin’s version of Sway comes on the iPod.
  • That delicious place at the end of the day when all the doors are locked, the kids are tucked in safely,  you lay back on a new pillow, open up a new book,  and realize you have the freedom to read for as long as you want.
  • The moment when you realize that all your choices have brought you to this place in time, and you discover that you are right where you want to be.
Child of Narcissist / parenting / Quotes / Seeing My Path / Tools — 7 Comments
20
Oct 11

Selective Ignorance

Who am I to question the wise words of Maya Angelou? Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 10 Comments
14
Oct 11

A Different Version of Normal

At his address, the toys are neatly put away, the art supplies stay tucked in the cupboard and the towels are folded the minute the dryer buzzes. Continue reading →

Moving On / parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 27 Comments
28
Sep 11

Sound Advice

For what it’s worth, the following is a list of pearls – advice I’ve received over the last so many years.

Some was delivered by a caring family member or a dear friend.

Some was gleaned from a magazine article or a self-help book.

Some was uncovered while searching the internet in the wee hours.

Some was initially ignored.

These are the most useful words that I turn to when I don’t know where else to turn.  These aren’t direct quotes, but paraphrases of helpful bits that have gotten us through.

  • If it’s hard to get, it’s hard to keep.
  • If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, run screaming in the other direction.
  • Your gut always tells the truth.
  • If you have to ask him to listen, he’s not interested.
  • If she says she doesn’t have time, what she’s really saying is that she doesn’t want to.
  • Respect is not a given, it should be earned.
  • Respect has nothing to do with age.
  • It doesn’t need to be this hard.
  • If you want mail, you’ve got to send mail.
  • If you want friends, you have to be a friend.
  • It’s okay if everyone doesn’t like you.
  • It’s okay to not like everyone.
  • If you aren’t feeling good about yourself, it might be that you are surrounded by assholes.
  • Good sleep is better than all the makeup in the world.
  • Humor can be found in almost every situation; find the funny part and quit dwelling on the negative.
  • They can treat me whatever way they choose; I can choose to accept that treatment or not.
  • Keep talking until you find someone who understands and believes you – they are out there.
  • Kids are wise old souls in new bodies – treat them accordingly.
  • There’s no point in talking the talk if you aren’t planning to take some action.
  • There’s nothing wrong with going to bed early.  (See above on sleep and makeup.)
  • Many things can be fixed with a hug and good music.
  • We cross paths for a reason – it’s okay if we don’t stay on the same path forever.

    •  

*Share your favorite advice in the comments below.  Let’s compile a fabulous list.

parenting / Quotes / Random Observations / Tools — 16 Comments
23
Sep 11

To Parents of Daughters

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between a man who flatters her and a man who compliments her ~ a man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her ~ a man who views her as property and a man who views her properly ~ a man who lusts after her and a man who loves her ~ a man who believes he is God’s gift to women and a man who remembers a woman was God’s gift to man.

– Unknown

*Thank you, Kate.
Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 28 Comments
20
Sep 11

Settle Down

studying-women1 Continue reading →

Home School / Moving On / parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 7 Comments
12
Sep 11

On Full Moons, Rainbow Trout and Gratitude

The rainbow cleared the surface of the water to get a glimpse of the full moon. It was his job to report back to the others. “Yep, it’s full. They can’t catch us for at least another 24 hours!”

The ripples set off by the splash broke the seamless reflection of the sailboat. Without a breeze, the ripples smoothed quickly and returned the cove to a dark mirror spotted by boat lights and star haze.

Up until then, we’d been wondering if that sailboat had two masts. We couldn’t tell where the boat ended and the reflection began.

In our shorts, sweatshirts and Keens, we stood arm-in-arm, gazing at the moon hiding on the other side of the trees. Their leaves were still clinging to green. Even though it was September 11th, they weren’t ready to change into yellow, orange and brown.

Not yet.

When I asked what thoughts came to their minds when standing there bathed in moonlight, they both uttered something about being thankful.

Thankful for fish caught.

Thankful for new friends made.

Thankful for trees to climb with new and old friends.

Thankful for grandparents fun enough to camp with.

Thankful for a warm summer night when others had to get up early for school.

Thankful for the opportunity to appreciate our simple lives when others have lost so much.

Thankful for closeness and comfort and not so much stress.

Thankful for coffee in the morning, jeans to ward off the chill, warm chocolate milk and the opportunity to catch more fish.

__________

We pointed out the constellations that tried to stand out against the bright light of the moon. We knew some of the names and made up the others.

As we turned to walk back and tuck in for the night, we acknowledged the date. For a brief moment we felt awkward in our gratitude.

Was it enough to be thankful?

Should we do more?

And then we heard the splash. The rainbow cleared the surface again. We turned in time to see the ripples sending a code that said, “Come back tomorrow! Catch me if you can.”

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 2 Comments
9
Sep 11

The Surrender

the-flow1A definition of surrender from merriam-webster.com: Continue reading →

Moving On / parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 40 Comments
6
Sep 11

It Takes a Good Leavin’ Alone

stonesWhen he sends the epically long email explaining that he hasn’t introduced the kids to his girlfriend because they don’t show that they care about his life, they never come over anyway, and he really didn’t think it was any of their business… Continue reading →

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