Over chocolate milk, Rice Krispies and coffee we had a venting session about yesterday’s dad visit. It used to be that our rants were punctuated with tears and “How long do we have to do these visits?” Now the rants are filled with laughs, OMGs, “Can you believe hims?” and “How long do we have to do these visits?” Continue reading →
You Might Be a Narcissist If …
16
May 13
In Good Company
28
Apr 13
You Can Run, But You Can’t Hide From a Narcissist
Leaving town is easy. As you take off from the runway, you will breathe deep and relax. You may even splurge on a cocktail for yourself and a couple of pops for the kids. You will count out loud the number of days that will happily pass without the stress of a dad visit. Continue reading →
4
Dec 12
On Red Flags and Starting Over
Does he monopolize the conversation? Does he fail to ask of my life? Continue reading →
27
Nov 12
When Kindred Spirits Have Coffee
“I can’t believe we haven’t really talked since before we were both married.” Continue reading →
9
Nov 12
What is Said and What is Heard
He said: Your face looks full with that haircut.
She heard: Your face looks fat; I hate your haircut.
She said: That looks pretty good, but you should have done it this way.
He heard: That looks pretty good, BUT …
They said: Are you sure it’s a good idea to homeschool the kids?
She heard: You’re going to ruin them for life.
He said: I can’t live like this anymore.
She heard: Do things my way or I’m out of here.
He said: I don’t care what we do, you decide.
She heard: I don’t enjoy spending time with you enough to make the effort to decide.
She said: I don’t care what we do, you decide.
He heard: It’s okay if you spend the evening with friends; I won’t be mad if you don’t come home.
He said: That’s okay, bud, I’ll have the shop wax my skis.
He heard: You aren’t capable of waxing my skis.
He said: Maybe you shouldn’t be so sensitive.
She heard: If you didn’t get your feelings hurt so easily, I wouldn’t have to be careful about what I say.
They said: You should write blog posts that are this long, on this many days with these kinds of headings.
She heard: You are doing it all wrong.
He said: I like it better when you do it this way.
She heard: I don’t like you the way you are.
She said: I heard you, but we are doing it my way.
He heard: Don’t bother telling me what you want because I’m not listening anyway.
She said: Pack your bags, we’re going to stay at grandma’s.
They heard: We are going to live with people who let us be who we are.
They said: Love you.
She heard: Love you.
24
Oct 12
They Have Narcissism Radar
“Hercules was a big strong guy with long wavy hair. Personally, I think he was a narcissist.” (The answer to one of her worksheet questions on Greek and Roman Mythology.)
“Mom, I’m positive Marie Antoinette was a narcissist – look at this picture. She ordered a special palace to be built, just for her.”
“Who did Napoleon think he was, anyway?”
While watching the Grammys: “Mom, do you notice that it’s not about the music, it’s all about what they look like? Do you have to be a narcissist to make it in music?”
They See Narcissism Everywhere
“Mom, do you figure only narcissists drive Escalades. That name just sounds narcissistic.”
“Male lions have to be narcissists, why else do they sit around preening and expecting everyone to adore them?”
“Mom, don’t you think irises are narcissists? Just look at ‘em. They stand up taller than the other flowers and then they die fast if they are neglected.”
“Mom, I love peacocks, but they act like narcissists.”
“Mom, you know all the Disney Princesses are narcissists, right? Cinderella is the worst. She’s always standing in front of the other princesses fanning out her dress to hide the dresses of the other princesses.” (You can’t make this stuff up.)
“Mom, do you think Tiger Woods is a narcissist? Why else would he act that way on the course and treat his wife the way he did?”
Even cakes can be narcissists. “Does that cake really need that much frosting and decorating? It’s screaming for attention. It has to be a narcissistic cake.”
“Mom, you can tell from the outside of a building, if a store caters to narcissists.”
When it comes to the necessary tools for surviving narcissism, their narcissism radar may be the most effective.
18
Oct 12
The Tyranny of Narcissism
Guest Post by Zaira
Tyranny is unjust, harsh, oppressive, and abusive, but most importantly, it lacks legitimacy. This describes my marriage and continues to be my experience with the Narcissist. If you have been involved with a narcissist, I am sure you can relate to counting the days until you are completely free to cut all communications. Continue reading →
16
Oct 12
Mission Impossible: Relationship With a Narcissist
You could make a conscious choice to give up on pursuing your dreams, your goals and your passions. Continue reading →
11
Oct 12
When Narcissists Carve Pumpkins
It’s highly unlikely that you’d get your favorite narcissist to spend an afternoon carving pumpkins with you. They have much more important things to do.
But… if you find yourself on a day when the stars have aligned, the weather isn’t nice enough to do anything else, and you’ve sourced/doted on/adored your narcissist enough, he may acquiesce.
If he agrees, be prepared to hear some of the following:
“Hey, let’s keep the mess on the table. Try to keep all the goo on the paper so it doesn’t get all over the house.”
“We don’t need those pattern thingys. Can’t you borrow some pumpkin carving tools from your mom? I don’t want to have to spend any more than I have to on this project. Besides, I can draw better than the folks that make those patterns.”
“Did you really just get pumpkin slime on your t-shirt?”
“Don’t draw the eyes so close together, that’s not what pumpkins look like.”
“We’ll keep these pumpkins at my house. You guys get your own.”
“Make the mouth bigger. You won’t be able to see it from the street.”
“No, that’s not how to do the eyes. Here, let me show you.”
“Hey, watch it! You got some on the floor.”
“Push up your sleeves. You’re getting it all over everything.”
“You guys aren’t listening to me.”
At this point, the narcissist sighs deeply, asks you to hand him your tools and says, “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t you two go watch a show and I’ll finish the pumpkins. That way they’ll be done right.”
On second thought, don’t ask your favorite narcissist if he wants to carve pumpkins with you.
26
Sep 12
What Control Looks Like
Control looks like two exhausted kids, asleep in their car seats, while dad detours to wash the car after a long day of hiking. “Never mind how exhausted and hungry you guys are, this car has to look good.” Continue reading →
