I am scared. My stomach hurts.
Mark talked to my mom before his counseling session today. He admitted that yesterday’s visit did not go well. He said he thinks he can’t reach Will. I’m stunned that he can see this. Continue reading →
14
Jun 10
From the Sidelines to the Stands
I spent some time on the sidelines. I was too close to the game, and couldn’t see the action well. I moved to the stands. I can see the game better, and it’s a lot more comfy here, too. It’s best that I’m further from the action. They can’t hear me when I fail at keeping my mouth shut. I’m sitting on one of those cushions with the attached back. There’s no one sitting in front of me, so my feet are up. I’ve got popcorn and an icy cold beer. Continue reading →
12
Jun 10
So That’s What A Dad Does
I just took this photo in our back yard. It reminds me of all the fun that was had around our house this week. Those drops of water are getting ready to slide down the tulip leaf. You can almost hear the drops saying, “WEEEE-EEE!” Just as I started this post, I took another look at that leaf and thought, “Geez, that looks just like the tongue that belongs to a kid who’s been sucking on a green popsicle.” And that, too, is appropriate for this week. While it wasn’t warm enough for popsicles, there was a whole lot of tongue wagging going on. They NEVER ran out of stuff to talk about. Continue reading →
09
Jun 10
The Narcissist’s Instincts
I woke to the sound of our cat crunching on her breakfast. We buy her the good stuff. I’m sure that’s why she’s so nice to us. Then I heard her claws click across the hardwoods as she made her way down the hall and across my bedroom. I heard that pause right before she jumped on my bed. She snuggled in for a morning nap after filling her belly. My bed sets beside a sliding glass door that looks out on the Poplar in the back yard. Just as the cat closed her eyes, I saw a Robin land on the shed roof next to the Poplar. The Robin was probably a teenager. It didn’t have the downy fluff of a new bird, and it didn’t have the red breast of a young adult. It had the speckles of an adolescent Robin that’s just learning to fly. Continue reading →
06
Jun 10
When To Break From the Herd
I like cooking more than baking. With cooking I can improvise. With baking I have to follow rules. I love cookbooks, and I have quite a few that I refer to. I look at cookbooks like I do catalogs. There are a lot of great ideas in catalogs, but I never buy anything. I read recipes to get ideas, and then I close the cookbook, run to the store and get the ingredients. I get home, put the skillet on the stove and wing it. Continue reading →
05
Jun 10
Sitting On The Sidelines
Sometimes I have wished that I could take the messy parts of life, put them in a cardboard box, seal the box with packing tape and put it on a high shelf in the garage. It isn’t realistic to send the box out with the trash. Oh, if we could just get a reprieve from thinking about that stuff. I’d label the box with a thick, black Sharpie - “Do Not Open Until Mentally Prepared to Deal”. The box would collect dust. I’d move it occasionally. I’d take it down and think I was ready to open it. I’d take a box cutter and slit the tape and just the opening of the top would let a vapor into the garage. The vapor would cloud everything, and I’d grab the tape and hurriedly seal the box back up. I’d put the box back on the shelf, wait for the vapor to dissipate and tell myself that in another couple weeks, I’d better be able to handle the contents of the box. Continue reading →
02
Jun 10
Pros and Cons
I sort of know plants, but I’m lousy at identifying trees. My neighbor has a ginormous (is it a Maple? Green Ash?) in his front yard that creates the loveliest umbrella over our driveway. On a hot summer day (please let us have a few this year) there isn’t a better place to stand than the driveway, with a dripping popsicle, under the dense lacey shade of that tree. And as we drive down our street, with a carload of groceries, a new bike and a set of golf clubs, we can see that amazing tree from the first turn. It anchors the end of our block, marks our sanctuary, and protects us from the elements. Continue reading →
31
May 10
homekeeping 5
I did it. Saturday night I dropped some plates. I’m not proud of myself, but there it is. Actually, I didn’t so much drop them as fling them against the wall. Only two of ‘em. I can’t glue them back together. I will carry on with the four remaining plates.
29
May 10
Venting Prevents Action
“What do I have to do to be good enough so dad will love me?” “How come I have such a bad dad?” “My life won’t be good without a good dad.” And to that I said, “Honey, do I have a bad life? How am I doing? I have a pretty darned good life, don’t I?” And through alligator tears Jenny said, “It’s just not fair. When are you going to get us a real dad?” I wanted to say, “Well it’s not like I can put a post on Craig’s List saying, “Need one great dad for two amazing little people. Must like listening, Barbies, joke telling, card trick teaching, golfing, fishing, bow hunting, skiing and relating. Don’t need husband. Narcissists need not apply.” Continue reading →
27
May 10
Beauty Through the Act of Loving
Yesterday’s post was about beauty and insecurity and denying who I am. It was a difficult post to write. I’m not even sure where it came from. Getting that necklace in the mail was akin to jamming a stick of dynamite in a dam that I didn’t even know existed. Feelings, emotions and tears started flowing, and they weren’t going to stop. Apparently, they haven’t stopped yet. I’m not done with the topic, and I’m convinced that this flood is sending me further down the path that I’m supposed to be on. The tidal wave of emotions is pushing me faster, and I’m not afraid. In fact, I can’t wait to see how far it takes me. This is another exercise in authenticity and speaking truth. Both of those expressions are over-used. But if we set out in search of those things, with integrity, the pursuit of authenticity and truth gets us closer to who we are meant to be. Continue reading →
