Child of Narcissist / My Minimalism / parenting — 17 comments
02
Mar 12

The Good is Good Because of the Bad

Through tears he said, “I don’t wanna go. I’m tired.  Do we have to?  Do we have to do a dad visit?”

I said, “I’m sorry, Honey.  I know.  You are tired, but that’s not a good enough excuse to skip out on a visit.  You can be tired at dad’s house, too.”

He said, “I know that, but it’s not the same.  It’s not comfortable there.”

__________

Later, when sorting through Tech Decks and old Golf Magazines, picking up air soft ammo and discussing the logic behind owning seven backpacks, we found the wallet he lost last Thanksgiving.

“Mom!  Can you believe it?  There are gift cards in there, too.  I thought I’d never see that wallet again!”

I said, “You lead a charmed life, Cowboy.  Do you see that?”

He said, “I know, mom.  I do lead a charmed life.  Even if I have to go to dad’s today, I still have it pretty good.”

He walked out of the room to show Jen the found wallet.

A bit later he came back in and said, “I get it, mom.  The good is that much better because of the bad.”

Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 17 comments
29
Feb 12

Asking vs. Imposing

I could have backpacked in Europe for three weeks after I graduated from college.

I didn’t.

My brother did.

My brother backpacked and made memories.  He ended one phase of his life with a grand adventure.

He asked mom if he could borrow the money to make the trip.   She said, “Of course you can!”

I didn’t.

Oh, I could have… but I thought asking would be an imposition.

Now I know that asking isn’t an imposition when you ask those who care about you.

__________

 

I wrote a post for the Stratejoy Essay Contest.

I’m asking for your vote.

If you have the time and the inclination, Jen, Will and I would greatly appreciate your vote.

Love,

Jesse

 

 Click here to place your vote.

control / Random Observations / Tools — 25 comments
27
Feb 12

Why You Shouldn’t Make Your Bed Every Day

Finding order in making the bed.There are the frazzled days when, for no apparent reason, you feel out of sorts.

Maybe you blame it on the full moon.

Perhaps you need to eat more protein and less carbs – or less protein and more carbs – I can never remember.  You may be dehydrated, or you slept poorly.

You sit quietly, coffee in hand, sifting through the thoughts mulling around in your head, trying to filter out the cause of the frazzle-ness.  You find several potentials -  emails that need answers, an over-baked tray of cookies, the need to run out to get milk, or a dwindling supply of firewood.  None of them amount to enough to cause the Frazzle.

The exercise of sorting through and examining the thoughts helps you see that what you are craving, though, is control.

This moment – right here, right now – demands a bit of control.

Not the heavy-handed I’ll tell you what we are having for dinner and you will eat it kind of control, but the kind of control that attempts to gently pull in fractured energies and encourage focus.

In an uncharacteristically desperate attempt at gaining control I make the bed – the same one that will go for days without being made.

The making of the bed starts a snowball effect. (If I made the bed every day, I wouldn’t have an obvious place to start the snowball effect. Isn’t rationalization handy?)  The snowball builds as I clean the cat box, take out the trash, sweep the front stoop, straighten the cushions on the couch and refold the blanket on the rocking chair.

The completion of each chore, starting with making the bed, allows me to pull in all those scattered energies, get some semblance of control and focus on what’s really important – figuring out what to make for dinner.

 

 

 

 

Home School / Moving On / parenting / Random Observations — 20 comments
24
Feb 12

On White Knuckles and Comfort Levels

white knuckle drivingA semi hauling gasoline was in front, another semi was behind, and we were crawling along a snow-packed two-lane road under heavy cloud cover and falling snow. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 15 comments
21
Feb 12

On Determination and the Power in Words

which ones words hold power?Sitting on the cold pew, with the stiff lace collar scratching the tender skin of her neck, she glanced sideways to see them reading those black books.  She assumed there must be power in the words since they gathered together every Sunday to read from the same book. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 23 comments
17
Feb 12

Life in the Village Where Relationships Come First

the village where relationships come firstOnce upon a time there was a contented village where everyone worked together to pursue their goals, realize their dreams, raise their children and make the world’s best ice cream. Continue reading →

Moving On / parenting / Seeing My Path — 21 comments
12
Feb 12

Be Mine

Dear Valentine,

I’ve been waiting for you.

I knew you’d come around.

I knew you’d get to a point where you’d finally see your own beauty.  I knew that chip on your shoulder would heal and the anger would dissipate.

There is so much of you to love.

Your tender, compassionate heart never lets you give up.  Your enthusiasm and belief that goodness will prevail is a contagious quality.  The wisdom acquired from making mistakes and the lessons learned gives you a depth of character that is your most attractive quality.

You are graceful but still able to be silly; patient as well as spontaneous; and ready to laugh at yourself because you stopped taking yourself seriously.

You know you still have a lot to learn, and you aren’t afraid to change course in order to learn more.

Your actions back up your words.  You’ve stated your priorities and you invest your time and energies in those priorities.  You are an inspiration because of the choices you’ve made.

You are beautiful when you run around in your leopard print bathrobe and fuzzy red socks in the morning, before a shower, sipping cold coffee because you are busy with kids, feeding the cat, answering emails, stoking the fire, figuring out what to make for dinner, and swapping loads between washer and dryer.

You are beautiful when, with a kind voice, you announce that you need a break, and escape to the couch with a book and a steaming cup of Earl Grey.

You are beautiful flying down a ski hill, laughing at your own failed attempts at trying to catch your kids.

You are beautiful when you give what you can, but hold back before reaching the point of having nothing left to give.

You are beautiful when you cry during mushy movies, at the end of a great book, or when you look on your kids’ artwork.

You are beautiful when you let your kids follow their passions, even if it means you have sprouting potatoes in glasses of water in the window sill, ski wax all over the garage floor, and paint brushes in every corner of the kitchen.

You are beautiful when you try and fail and own your mistakes with grace and humor.

You are most beautiful when you keep trying without letting resentment cloud your heart or disappointment keep your spirit hidden.

I love that even on a crappy day, you are capable of finding beauty in stormy skies, piles of clean folded laundry, and a dinner that manages to please three different appetites.

I love the person you are now,  but I also love knowing that you haven’t arrived yet.  I can’t wait to see who you become.

I love that you’ve chosen to be kind to yourself.  I love that you know what you are worth and what you deserve.

Anyone would be fortunate to call you Valentine.

Won’t you be mine?

 

 

 

 

Moving On / Quotes / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 20 comments
07
Feb 12

S.O.S.

…there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own,
 that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,
 determined to do the only thing you could do –
 determined to save the only life you could save.
- Mary Oliver

 

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 19 comments
03
Feb 12

They Said

They said, “How bad can it be?  He doesn’t beat you.  He doesn’t gamble.  He isn’t gone every weekend.  You have a nice home.  How bad can it be?”

They said, “You know, it’s not easy being a single mom.  There will be lonely nights.  It’s a lot to handle by yourself.  Are you sure this is what you want?”

She said, “I don’t want to hear your reasons for leaving him.  I think he’s wonderful.”

He said, “I thought you were the perfect couple.  You looked like you were happy.  Wasn’t he making enough money for you?”

And when I started this blog, they said, “You shouldn’t dwell on all this negative stuff.  It just isn’t healthy for you or the kids.  Leave all this toxic stuff behind you.”

…

After I’d been writing for over two years, and the kids and I had clearly grown and worked through a laundry list of issues, they said, “Well, where are you going to go with this now?  You’ve survived.  You’re thriving, even.  You’ve clearly come out the other side and you’ve made great progress.  Why are you still writing about surviving narcissism?”

__________

This morning I received an email.  She said, “I saw the comment that came from another corner of the world.  I see how many there are.  I see how they all wonder if they might be crazy. I see how this impacts children.  I see how this might help.  I get it now.”

 

I knew she would.

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 21 comments
31
Jan 12

What Lifts You Up?

He said, “Mom, why do you think I’m outta sorts today?” Continue reading →

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