Posts Tagged: child of narcissist

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 2 Comments
3
Feb 12

They Said

They said, “How bad can it be?  He doesn’t beat you.  He doesn’t gamble.  He isn’t gone every weekend.  You have a nice home.  How bad can it be?”

They said, “You know, it’s not easy being a single mom.  There will be lonely nights.  It’s a lot to handle by yourself.  Are you sure this is what you want?”

She said, “I don’t want to hear your reasons for leaving him.  I think he’s wonderful.”

He said, “I thought you were the perfect couple.  You looked like you were happy.  Wasn’t he making enough money for you?”

And when I started this blog, they said, “You shouldn’t dwell on all this negative stuff.  It just isn’t healthy for you or the kids.  Leave all this toxic stuff behind you.”

…

After I’d been writing for over two years, and the kids and I had clearly grown and worked through a laundry list of issues, they said, “Well, where are you going to go with this now?  You’ve survived.  You’re thriving, even.  You’ve clearly come out the other side and you’ve made great progress.  Why are you still writing about surviving narcissism?”

__________

This morning I received an email.  She said, “I saw the comment that came from another corner of the world.  I see how many there are.  I see how they all wonder if they might be crazy. I see how this impacts children.  I see how this might help.  I get it now.”

 

I knew she would.

Child of Narcissist / home school / Moving On / parenting / Seeing My Path / Tools — 20 Comments
17
Jan 12

A Work In Progress

I am a work in progress and so is this blog.

First, some chronology to set the stage:

5 1/2 years ago -  Stuff three boxes, buckle two young kids into car seats, leave husband,  nice house, financially secure future, perpetual stomach aches and nicest yard* I’ll ever tend. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Moving On / parenting / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 16 Comments
13
Jan 12

Tales From Moving On

She hadn’t written him a letter explaining. She hadn’t told him she was leaving. She didn’t realize – until she saw her hands putting her journal, a laptop, and some clothes in a box – that she was leaving. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 19 Comments
9
Jan 12

They Look Through You

Whether it comes from years of looking inward, or years of not seeing clearly, I don’t know.  Their eyes take on a cloudiness that makes it look like they have a difficult time focusing on the rest of the world. Continue reading →

home school / parenting / Random Observations / Tools — 12 Comments
30
Nov 11

What Do You Need To Be Happy?

I could have said, “Geez you guys!  I can’t handle this stuff laying around everywhere!”

I could have said, “I want more time to do what I love, instead of having to pick up after you two!” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 15 Comments
28
Nov 11

Ignore the Two Steps Back

One step forward, two steps back.

One step forward, two steps back.

One step for……

 

I know, already!

 

 

Yet I can be found grumbling, kicking rocks and beating myself up with each one of those steps taken back.

 

My cheerleader voice says:

“Focus on the progress.”

“See how far you’ve come.”

“Hello, Girl!  You are way better off now than you were five years ago!”

“It’s okay to slip up once in awhile.”

 

And because I was never a cheerleader in real life – is high school real life? – I gravitate to the curmudgeon side of me that says:

“Why do you let him get to you?”

“Wow, Jesse, way to emulate grace and poise,” in a most facetious tone.

“Hello?  Have you forgotten what the pattern is here?”

 

And then the wise old soul in me – the one who lightens up, the one who doesn’t take all this shit too seriously, the one gently encouraged by the Universe, the one whose cup is empty says:

“Jesse, it’s okay.”

“That’s what it’s like to be human.”

“Slip-ups happen on the way to progress.”

“You are showing your kids that it’s okay to make a mistake, own it, and move on.”

“Remember that thing about the bitter and the sweet?”

“Just keep moving, honey, and don’t put so damn much emphasis on those two steps back.”



Moving On / parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 18 Comments
17
Nov 11

A Life Remodel

One day, I’m going to get an internship at the Behr Paint Factory.  I’ll show up for work in jeans and sit in one of those spinning desk chairs that tip back.  I’ll prop my feet on the desk and throw Nerf basketballs in the net above the coffee machine.  I’ll spend the whole day brainstorming with my jean-clad co-workers about paint names. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / home school / parenting / Quotes / Random Observations / Tools — 8 Comments
14
Nov 11

The Impact of Attitude

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company … a church … a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude … I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.
And so it is with you … we are in charge of our Attitudes.
C. Swindoll*

I have a choice.

I could wake this morning, annoyed that winter is on its way, and I’ll soon be shoveling walks and hauling firewood; or I could appreciate the built-in exercise routine that doesn’t require a monthly health club fee.

I could be angry that I am a single mom with full responsibility for raising two kids by myself; or I could appreciate how fortunate I am that they are with me 98 percent of the time.

I could be missing the much nicer house we used to live in, and the lack of money worries; or I could appreciate that this home is full of love and comfort, and my kids have learned valuable lessons that come from living within our means.

I could be annoyed by the mess from the English Muffins and coffee makings; or I could appreciate that they can make their own breakfast, and make me a cup while they’re at it.

I could be anxious that I’m single and 49; or I could revel in the sheer joy of being single and 49.

I could be worried about what the future holds, and whether I’ll benefit from the choices I’m making; or I could trust that the level of contentment I see in the three of us is a good indication that we are headed in the right direction.

I could be cranky about having started a bathroom remodel when I know next to nothing about such things; or I could turn this into a homeschool project where all three of us learn in the process.

I could bark at the kids when I can’t handle the mess; or I could acknowledge that this is their house, too, and gently ask them to help when I feel overwhelmed.

__________

 


I could choose to see what is wrong in our life and our choices; or I could choose to see what is right.


I can choose to wake with a positive attitude and greet my two with a smile and a kind voice that gets the day off to a good start.


I have a choice.


*Thank you, Kate.  ;)

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Seeing My Path / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 12 Comments
31
Oct 11

Scary

Scary is having your son’s 1st grade teacher ask you if there are problems at home that might explain your son’s nervous tic.

Scary is loosing contact with family and friends because your husband doesn’t like you to keep in touch over the phone or have company come for dinner.

Scary is not being able to sleep because you fear the treatment you’ll receive the next day because you will – once again – disappoint him and fail to meet his expectations.

Scary is believing that you have done something to bring about the treatment you are receiving.

Scary is staring out the window while sipping the morning’s first cup of coffee and realizing that the emptiness you feel every day is what you are going to feel for the rest of your life, if you don’t get out of this situation.

Scary is realizing you have forgotten who you are.

Scary is finally getting the courage to write him a letter explaining your fears and desperation, only to have him tell you that the issues are yours and he’ll support you in your efforts to fix them.

Scary is believing you don’t deserve any better.

Scary is knowing that your husband can’t see his own children for who they are, but tries to mold them into what he wants them to be.

Scary is knowing that if you stay, your children’s spirits will be snuffed out.

Scary is feeling so frightened and desperate that you pack your bags and leave the house you’ve lived in for thirteen years without having a backup plan.

Scary is knowing everyone thinks you are crazy for leaving such a wonderful person.

Scary is getting out, and fearing you’ll end up in another relationship with a narcissist.

Child of Narcissist / parenting / Quotes / Seeing My Path / Tools — 5 Comments
20
Oct 11

Selective Ignorance

Who am I to question the wise words of Maya Angelou? Continue reading →

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