cuz I am Woman « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: cuz I am Woman

A Narcissism Litmus Test

“Hey, Sandy! How are things? I haven’t seen you in awhile. Have you met Anne? She’s our new backup bartender. You’re going to like her.”

“Hello, Anne. Nice to meet you.” Sandy laughed and pointed at Hank. “I bet you get a real education working with this guy.”

Anne shook Sandy’s hand and said, “You know, I’ve tended other bars, and thought I’d heard it all, but Hank definitely has some new stories.”

Hank laughed, “Who, me? What can I get ya, Sandy?”

“I’m going to pretend that it’s warm enough for a gin and tonic.” Continue reading →

Random Observations — 21 Comments
15
Feb 16

I look at Jenny and say, “I wonder what I should make for dinner. I’ll go look through the freezer.” As I walk downstairs and head for the freezer, I wonder about painting the basement and look at the pictures on the wall that would need to be moved, in order to paint. I see a landscape that my grandmother painted and I remember her friend, who taught painting, and where she lived and how her friend lived next to a gal I went to high school with and that gal now lives in Missouri and I start thinking of the flooding in Missouri and how many were forced to move; and I think of our move and wonder what people think of that and I think it doesn’t matter what they might be thinking, because what really matters is where I’m going to put a garden in the spring and that leads to thinking about what the forecast is for today and hmm… maybe I should make a pot roast for dinner, because it’s quite overcast out there and this weather calls for comfort food; and I wonder if this overly long sentence should have more commas (or is it semi-colons?) and then I think that I never have known when to use a semi-colon, and …

I look down and wonder why I am standing in front of the freezer.

This is the odyssey of overthinking. From my dreams, I would have to assume that overthinking occurs while I’m sleeping, too. For me, overthinking is my constant state of being.

Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting / Random Observations — Comments Off
6
Feb 16

Defining Terms

“Today is ballroom skiing.”

“Huh?”

“Every time you come back from skiing, you share tales of near misses, close calls with concussions, clothes-line incidents and big-air jumps. Today you are skiing on new/used skis after having broken a ski. You know what ballroom skiing is. I want to see ballroom skiing.”

(I define ballroom skiing as big, wide, gentle turns and little to no air.)

I am nervous about Will skiing on some used skis that he found on eBay. They need a lot of tuning, a little waxing and some trial and error. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 10 Comments
31
Jan 16

Attack of the Shoulds

I should read more.

I should exercise more.

I should call family and friends more.

I should push Will more in school.

I should get Jen to the skating rink more. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 12 Comments
15
Jan 16

On Finding Happiness or Where’s the Embroidery Floss?

We moved, you know. We packed up all our stuff and headed 90 miles west. We’ve been here three and a half months now. Everything is put away. We are finding a groove. We are recreating our old schedule in these new, much larger digs.

We even survived the holidays in this new place.

Barely.

A couple weeks before Christmas I was working on a homemade gift that needed to be finished and mailed. I had to have some purple embroidery floss. That’s when the craziness began, or I should say, the craziness got a little crazier. Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / The Bartender — 6 Comments
30
Nov 15

I Do Not Like Green Pumpkin Pie

“Hey Jesse! How was your Thanksgiving?”

“Well, we all came down with that stomach bug. Only three of the four of us could even eat the dinner. My pumpkin pie turned green. And the dogs ate all of the salami we’d sliced for appetizers. It was the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had, and I’m NOT being facetious. How was yours? Oh… I’ll have a Fat Tire, please.”

Hank laughed, “Wow! You sound like a beer-drinking Erma Bombeck.”

“I’d bet she tossed back a few in her day. Seriously, though, how was your turkey day?”

“Nice and quiet, just how I like it.” Hank placed an almost over-flowing glass of beer in front of Jesse. Continue reading →

Moving On / My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver — 11 Comments
10
Nov 15

My Little Altar or How to Find Comfort in a New Home

We are mostly unpacked. We’ve unpacked enough so that I’ve created a little altar in the walk-in closet. I know! I have a walk-in closet! I’ve never before had such a decadent thing. In lieu of running out and shopping for clothes to fill all the empty hangers, I inadvertently decided to turn part of the closet into an altar.

(When I first saw the walk-in closet, I gasped and told him that I didn’t have enough clothes to fill it. He said, “That’s okay. This might just become your hiding place when you need to get a break from the rest of us.” I shook my head and innocently said, “Whatever do you mean?”)

An altar wasn’t my plan. I didn’t do a Google search for altars. I’m not sending up offerings to the Gods and Goddesses hoping for good vibes to rain down on our new chapter, although I wouldn’t mind if they sent a little good juju our way. It just happened, as all good things often do.

I was unpacking and finding homes for things. This new chapter seems to require different arrangements of pictures and rocks and shells and feathers and momentos that have been gathered in this new chapter. But I am not ready to part with all the sweet keepsakes from the closed chapters.

I’ve also been looking for what may turn out to be my comfort zone in this new home. I’m getting close. The house is starting to smell more like us – Thieves essential oil, dark roast coffee, laundry soap, Italian Seasoning and a bit of garlic. Some of our artwork is up on the walls. The kitchen shows a lot of our favorite tools. There is plenty of room to spread out our craft projects and make messes. And yet, I’m still looking for that spot where I can take a deep breath, sit for a minute and try to remember what’s important versus what it is I’m currently stewing about. Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 2 Comments
5
Nov 15

A Bird’s Eye View

Keep your crystal ball, I want a bird’s eye view of the path I’ve chosen. Make no mistake, I don’t want to know the outcome. I’m not rushing off to a fortune teller in hopes of getting validation that I’m on the right track. I’ve consulted the runes enough times to get confused over their seemingly mixed signals. They offer some encouragement, but I want more than that.

I want to sore above the trees and get the kind of perspective that only a bird can get. I want a view of the horizon. I want to see right up to the edge without any spoilers. I don’t want to know how it ends. I don’t want to know if there will be a “happily ever after.”

I want to know if I chose the correct path. I want to see if the guideposts are meant for me. I want reassurance that the struggle is due, without knowing the payoff.

Please don’t tell me to have faith.

I’ve had faith before. I’ve continued blindly on what I thought was the right path. The signs along the way were screaming at me to turn around. But I had faith, and I kept going down that path. I had faith, but I didn’t believe. Continue reading →

Moving On / Spirit Guides / Stories — 5 Comments
15
Sep 15

On Popcorn, Track Record and the New Guy

“Oh dear! I can’t bring myself to watch.”

“Pass the popcorn, Margaret. This is getting good.”

Margaret passed the bowl of popcorn to Gladys. “Gladys! How can you be so insensitive? She’s struggling. Can’t you see that?”

“Of course I can see that. That’s why it’s getting good!” Gladys scooped up a handful of popcorn in one hand and with the other, she deliberately ate one popped kernel at a time, while watching the drama unfold.

Basil walked over and sat next to Gladys. “Uh oh. She’s at it again, isn’t she.” Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations — 4 Comments
11
Aug 15

When Your Lizard Brain is Your Dating Coach

If your lizard brain stands in as your dating coach, odds are you’d better stay home.

Lizard Brain: You aren’t wearing those shoes are you?

Me: Why not? What’s wrong with them?

LB: Well, those heels will probably make you taller than he is, but it’s up to you. Continue reading →

Control / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 9 Comments
17
Jul 15

On Feeling Sorry for the Narcissist

She couldn’t help herself, she felt sorry for him. She knew the details of his childhood. She knew he’d been all but abandoned when he most needed caregivers. Each and every time she looked at him, she could see that hurt little boy who longed to be acknowledged, loved and cared for.

What kind of monster would she be if she didn’t feel sorry for him? She could be the one to show him love … finally. She could be the one to show him his worth. Someone had to do that for him. Why not her? Once he felt safe and secure in her love for him, all would be right. Then he would be whole, and he could give her what she needed.

He was drawn to her kind heart, the way dirt is drawn to that rubber floor mat you walk over as you enter from the garage. He probably wasn’t even aware of the magnetic attraction he felt for her. He didn’t realize that she was motivated by feeling sorry for him. Here was a woman who was willing to put herself aside for him. She would do anything to prove how much she loved him and that gave him power. Every time she felt sorry for him, he would glow in the focus of her attentions.

Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Parenting / The INFJ and the Narcissist - A Series / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 7 Comments
14
Jul 15

The INFJ and the Narcissist – Part 11

Toddlers are not easy to control. They are messy, busy, loud and curious. If the narcissist expects a toddler to be some sort of positive reflection of the image he’s trying to portray, he’ll have his work cut out for him.

That doesn’t mean the narcissist won’t try to get his toddler to be a perfect reflection of him.

She had come to terms with the fact that she would be parenting on her own. He had even said that everything having to do with the child was “her domain.” At first, she felt alone and resentful. She hadn’t signed up to do this all by herself. As time went on, though, she was too busy to feel any resentment. Besides, she rather liked focusing all her energies on the child. The interactions were joyful – something she hadn’t felt with the narcissist since the beginning.

But, as one might expect, the more she focused on the child, the angrier the narcissist became. When a narcissist is angry, he attempts to control. Continue reading →

Parenting / Random Observations — 6 Comments
3
Jul 15

Under the Rug

She grew up watching her mom sweep everything under the rug. Her mom grew up watching her mom sweep everything under the rug. It was what they did. Their hurts, disappointments, frustrations and expectations all went under the rug.

In the beginning, only the big stuff made it under the rug – the aunt’s DUI, the brother’s marital transgressions, the grandfather’s financial mess. (There were some things under the rug that are too big to mention here – like the time her husband back-handed her.) But, as time went on, she found it easier to sweep even the little things under the rug. Disappointments fit under there nicely, thereby preventing an inevitable argument if she dared to mention those disappointments.

When the kids were younger, it wasn’t an issue. They didn’t notice her lifting the corner of the rug several times a week, and if they did, they thought it was normal. The difficulty came when the kids got old enough to notice. They couldn’t help but trip over the heap under the rug. They’d hear dad’s harsh words, see mom grab the broom, and they just knew she’d reach for the corner of the rug.

Recently she’d come home with a new, much larger rug to accommodate the pile. She moved the old rug to her daughter’s room. The colors in the rug worked well with the colors in her daughter’s duvet. That’s how she would justify the purchase of the larger rug.

She never took the time to explain to the kids why she hid things. Better to leave it alone than open up that can of worms and have to deal with all the issues heaped under the rug. The kids got to the point where they pretended not to notice. They’d look the other way when mom reached for the broom. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / The Bartender — 4 Comments
15
Jun 15

Uncharted Territory

When Hank smiles, his eyes crease, filling the white crows feet created by off hours spent on the river in the sun. “Nice to see you, Janna. What’ll you have?”

“A gin and tonic would be great. Thanks. How are you? It looks like you’ve managed to find the sun when you aren’t tending bar.”

Hank laughed, “Yep. The weather has finally made up its mind. Now if I could get the fish to do the same. How are you?”

“I’m well. I think.”

“Uh oh. Sounds like there’s a story there.” Hank places a napkin in front of Janna, and tops it with her drink. “Hey, was it last month you were in here, all excited about a new man in your life? How’s that going?” Continue reading →

Random Observations / Spirit Guides / Stories — 1 Comment
28
May 15