Posts Tagged: humor

Child of Narcissist / My Minimalism / Random Observations — 2 Comments
13
May 13

My Elevator Pitch

 

I’m on my way to a dentist appointment.  I’m wearing a cotton skirt, sandals, a faded denim blouse and a smile.  I can’t remember the last time I wore nylons or had a manicure.  I’m thinking about how much more garden I have to turn up before we get to start planting. I make a mental note to stop at the hardware store after the dentist.  I’ll get washers to fix the hose, check out the bedding plants and grab a bag of briquettes.  It’s warm enough for burgers on the grill tonight.  The sun tea should be ready in time for dinner.

The elevator doors close and a woman in a tailored business suit turns, looks me up and down and says, “So what do you do?”

“Hi.

Um.

Well…

I guide two outstanding young people through the minefield of dealing with a narcissistic parent.   I homeschool, practice living on a budget, and work from home.  I wrote a couple motivational books for those in difficult relationships, and I’m working on a novel.  I blog about narcissism to shed light on NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).    Through stories and pictures, I show how good life can be when brave steps are taken to leave an abusive relationship.  Creativity, humor and harmony are on my list of priorities, right after my kids, reading and sleep.  I drink too much coffee and try not to take myself too seriously.

Thanks for asking.

What do you do?”

The doors opened.  As she stepped one heel out of the elevator, she looked over her shoulder and said, “Are you hiring?”

 

 

 

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Random Observations — 8 Comments
3
May 13

Spiders Versus Narcissists

I watched the desert dust go down the drain and reached for a towel.  As I stood up after wrapping my hair, I saw the spider.  It had been hiding in the folds of the towel, minding its own business.  I stepped from the shower and laughed at myself.

In the old days, I’d have let out a scream.  I learned to stifle screams at a young age.  The best deterrent for a little girl is to have her dad make fun of her when she screams at a big hairy spider.  (Those screams inside my head were louder than the ones I dared to let out.)

More recently, I would have grabbed a shoe and attacked the critter.   If Jenny had been standing there, I would have gone into action and saved the day.

I pulled the shower curtain closed, leaving the spider to crawl up the damp stall.

I got to thinking about what scares me now.

 

I’m not afraid to travel alone with two kids.

I’m not afraid of heights, but I do hang on to Will and Jenny when they venture too close to the edge.

I’m not afraid of the dark or spiders or monsters under the bed.

I’m not afraid of strangers or big cities or camping in the woods.

I’m not afraid of wrinkles or gray hairs or mirrors.  (I am making progress on getting over my fear of swim suits.)

 

I’ve lived with narcissists.

Not much scares me any more.

 

 

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 2 Comments
28
Apr 13

You Can Run, But You Can’t Hide From a Narcissist

Leaving town is easy.  As you take off from the runway, you will breathe deep and relax.  You may even splurge on a cocktail for yourself and a couple of pops for the kids. You will count out loud the number of days that will happily pass without the stress of a dad visit. Continue reading →

Quotes — 2 Comments
11
Jan 13

Life Happens In The Ricochet

 

I have the choice of being constantly active and happy
or introspectively passive and sad.
Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.
- Sylvia Plath
 

Moving On / Parenting / Seeing My Path / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 22 Comments
4
Dec 12

On Red Flags and Starting Over

 

Does he monopolize the conversation?  Does he fail to ask of my life? Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 11 Comments
24
Oct 12

They Have Narcissism Radar

“Hercules was a big strong guy with long wavy hair.  Personally, I think he was a narcissist.” (The answer to one of her worksheet questions on Greek and Roman Mythology.)

“Mom, I’m positive Marie Antoinette was a narcissist – look at this picture.  She ordered a special palace to be built, just for her.”

“Who did Napoleon think he was, anyway?”

While watching the Grammys: “Mom, do you notice that it’s not about the music, it’s all about what they look like?  Do you have to be a narcissist to make it in music?”

 

They See Narcissism Everywhere

“Mom, do you figure only narcissists drive Escalades.  That name just sounds narcissistic.”

“Male lions have to be narcissists, why else do they sit around preening and expecting everyone to adore them?”

“Mom, don’t you think irises are narcissists?  Just look at ‘em.  They stand up taller than the other flowers and then they die fast if they are neglected.”

“Mom, I love peacocks, but they act like narcissists.”

 

“Mom, you know all the Disney Princesses are narcissists, right?  Cinderella is the worst.  She’s always standing in front of the other princesses fanning out her dress to hide the dresses of the other princesses.”  (You can’t make this stuff up.)

“Mom, do you think Tiger Woods is a narcissist?  Why else would he act that way on the course and treat his wife the way he did?”

 

Even cakes can be narcissists.  “Does that cake really need that much frosting and decorating?  It’s screaming for attention.  It has to be a narcissistic cake.”

“Mom, you can tell from the outside of a building, if a store caters to narcissists.”

 

When it comes to the necessary tools for surviving narcissism, their narcissism radar may be the most effective.

 

 

 

 

 

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 11 Comments
11
Oct 12

When Narcissists Carve Pumpkins

It’s highly unlikely that you’d get your favorite narcissist to spend an afternoon carving pumpkins with you.  They have much more important things to do.

But… if you find yourself on a day when the stars have aligned, the weather isn’t nice enough to do anything else, and you’ve sourced/doted on/adored your narcissist enough, he may acquiesce.

 

If he agrees, be prepared to hear some of the following:

 

“Hey, let’s keep the mess on the table.  Try to keep all the goo on the paper so it doesn’t get all over the house.”

“We don’t need those pattern thingys. Can’t you borrow some pumpkin carving tools from your mom?  I don’t want to have to spend any more than I have to on this project.  Besides, I can draw better than the folks that make those patterns.”

“Did you really just get pumpkin slime on your t-shirt?”

“Don’t draw the eyes so close together, that’s not what pumpkins look like.”

“We’ll keep these pumpkins at my house.  You guys get your own.”

“Make the mouth bigger.  You won’t be able to see it from the street.”

“No, that’s not how to do the eyes.  Here, let me show you.”

“Hey, watch it!  You got some on the floor.”

“Push up your sleeves.  You’re getting it all over everything.”

“You guys aren’t listening to me.”

 

At this point, the narcissist sighs deeply, asks you to hand him your tools and says, “Hey, I have an idea.  Why don’t you two go watch a show and I’ll finish the pumpkins.  That way they’ll be done right.”

 

On second thought, don’t ask your favorite narcissist if he wants to carve pumpkins with you.

 

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 15 Comments
28
Aug 12

The Narcissism Survivor’s Tool Box

Braced against the sheer, shaley side of a ravine, holding the handle bar of his bike, he yelled, “Dad!  Dad, I need help here.  I’m about to lose my bike!  Dad!  Help!”  He was torn between letting his bike fall to the 15 foot pool at the base of the ravine, or worse, falling with his bike. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Stories — 1 Comment
6
Aug 12

Bandaging with Humor

 

I thought better of it.

I tried to talk myself out of it.

I could come up with something else.

But I can’t quit laughing about the truth in this email I received right after he left town.  I got this from a friend who didn’t know what I was dealing with.  And he got it from the hilarious world of the internet.  (Timing is everything!)

 

The wife left a note on the fridge:

“It’s not working.
I can’t take it anymore!!
Gone to stay with Mother.”

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold…….

What the hell is she talking about?

 

It’s funny because it’s true.

 Laughter heals.

Moving On / Seeing My Path / Stories — 15 Comments
4
Aug 12

On Old Wounds and Changing Bandages

“Can I see you when I get out that way?” Continue reading →

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