I have learned how to throw a spiral. I ski even on the days when it’s too damn cold, and I’d rather be sitting by the fire reading a good book. I routinely embarrass myself on the golf course. I know the difference between an olie, a tic-tac, a fakie, a nosegrind and a kickflip. (Those are skateboarding terms, by the way.) I even remember to laugh at their burp competitions. I also let them spit sunflower seed shells at each other - until I can’t stand it any more. Continue reading →
Posts Tagged: humor
17
Jun 10
When Fear is the Bus Driver
“Whoa! That was a fun ride!” she says, facetiously. I’m sure it won’t be the last time Fear drives this bus. But, for now, I’m back behind the wheel. I’ve got to look into getting some seat belts installed on this thing. The view from the back seat was interesting, but a little blurry because Fear was driving so fast. That’s probably why I was up the night before last, vomiting. Fear does that to me. It’s a lot like car sickness. Continue reading →
14
Jun 10
From the Sidelines to the Stands
I spent some time on the sidelines. I was too close to the game, and couldn’t see the action well. I moved to the stands. I can see the game better, and it’s a lot more comfy here, too. It’s best that I’m further from the action. They can’t hear me when I fail at keeping my mouth shut. I’m sitting on one of those cushions with the attached back. There’s no one sitting in front of me, so my feet are up. I’ve got popcorn and an icy cold beer. Continue reading →
9
Jun 10
The Narcissist’s Instincts
I woke to the sound of our cat crunching on her breakfast. We buy her the good stuff. I’m sure that’s why she’s so nice to us. Then I heard her claws click across the hardwoods as she made her way down the hall and across my bedroom. I heard that pause right before she jumped on my bed. She snuggled in for a morning nap after filling her belly. My bed sets beside a sliding glass door that looks out on the Poplar in the back yard. Just as the cat closed her eyes, I saw a Robin land on the shed roof next to the Poplar. The Robin was probably a teenager. It didn’t have the downy fluff of a new bird, and it didn’t have the red breast of a young adult. It had the speckles of an adolescent Robin that’s just learning to fly. Continue reading →
6
Jun 10
When To Break From the Herd
I like cooking more than baking. With cooking I can improvise. With baking I have to follow rules. I love cookbooks, and I have quite a few that I refer to. I look at cookbooks like I do catalogs. There are a lot of great ideas in catalogs, but I never buy anything. I read recipes to get ideas, and then I close the cookbook, run to the store and get the ingredients. I get home, put the skillet on the stove and wing it. Continue reading →
2
Jun 10
Pros and Cons
I sort of know plants, but I’m lousy at identifying trees. My neighbor has a ginormous (is it a Maple? Green Ash?) in his front yard that creates the loveliest umbrella over our driveway. On a hot summer day (please let us have a few this year) there isn’t a better place to stand than the driveway, with a dripping popsicle, under the dense lacey shade of that tree. And as we drive down our street, with a carload of groceries, a new bike and a set of golf clubs, we can see that amazing tree from the first turn. It anchors the end of our block, marks our sanctuary, and protects us from the elements. Continue reading →
31
May 10
homekeeping 5
I did it. Saturday night I dropped some plates. I’m not proud of myself, but there it is. Actually, I didn’t so much drop them as fling them against the wall. Only two of ‘em. I can’t glue them back together. I will carry on with the four remaining plates.
25
May 10
Narcissism and Lip Service
Wikipedia defines lip service as an idiom meaning giving ‘approval or support..insincerely’. Lip service is not the sole domain of narcissists. We all give things lip service. “I’d love to meet you for lunch.” “Love that new haircut.” “Of course, those pants don’t make your butt look big.” “Your new boyfriend is very charming.” Continue reading →
23
May 10
Fear and the Holding Pattern
“Will the rest of your party be joining you?” “It’s too bad your dad couldn’t come with on your vacation.” “Father couldn’t join the family on the cruise?” “Shall I wait until the rest of the family gets here?” To the last comment, I politely smiled and said, “This is the entire family.” I started to wonder if the cruise ship passed through some sort of Mexican Riviera version of the Bermuda Triangle and dropped us right in the middle of 1950. Continue reading →
8
May 10
homekeeping 4
I still have to pack, but my toes are painted, fake tan is applied, kids’ hair is cut, the single plant that we do have is watered, and the fridge is empty. Continue reading →
