humor « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: humor

The Narcissism Survivor’s Tool Box

Braced against the sheer, shaley side of a ravine, holding the handle bar of his bike, he yelled, “Dad! Dad, I need help here. I’m about to lose my bike! Dad! Help!” He was torn between letting his bike fall to the 15 foot pool at the base of the ravine, or worse, falling with his bike.

He was able to reach his water bottle. After taking a sip, he tried to yell again, but he couldn’t get his dad’s attention. He would have to hang on longer.

He waited, balanced on the brink, wondering why he’d agreed to go on another one of these all-day adventures.

The adventures had gotten better now that he was older, but he still ended up with an upset stomach from the exposure and risk that his dad took for granted.

Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Stories — 1 Comment
6
Aug 12

Bandaging with Humor

I thought better of it.

I tried to talk myself out of it.

I could come up with something else.

But I can’t quit laughing about the truth in this email I received right after he left town. I got this from a friend who didn’t know what I was dealing with. And he got it from the hilarious world of the internet. (Timing is everything!)

The wife left a note on the fridge:

“It’s not working.
I can’t take it anymore!!
Gone to stay with Mother.”

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold…….

What the hell is she talking about?

It’s funny because it’s true.

Laughter heals.

Moving On / Seeing My Path / Stories — 15 Comments
4
Aug 12

On Old Wounds and Changing Bandages

“Can I see you when I get out that way?”

She replied to his email – the one she shouldn’t have opened – with, “As friends.”

He didn’t like that answer. (Do guys ever like that answer?)

He waited to call, hoping she’d make the first move.

She didn’t. Continue reading →

Parenting / Stories — 23 Comments
30
Jul 12

Mom, Why Would Somebody Hack Your Site?

“You guys, the site was hacked.”

“What do ya mean?”

“Somebody found a way to get into the site and change the coding.”

“How do ya know?”

“Aunt Pat called. She said she tried to open a post through Google Reader and the link to the post said something about Viagra. The Google search results are saying the site may be compromised.”

“What’s Viagra?”

“It’s a prescription a man might take to make his penis hard.”

“Why would a guy do that?”

“So he can have sex, I guess.”

“You need a prescription to have sex?”

“Nevermind.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

“I’ll have to fix it. Maybe it’s time to start over.”

“But mom, the blog has helped you and us and other people. You’ve been working on that for three years.”

“It’ll be okay, mom. You lead a charmed life, remember.”

“Thanks, guys, but you don’t need to worry about this. This is my thing to sweat about.”

“It’ll be okay, mom. I just know it.”

“Mom, you know that stuff you were saying about Mercury in Retrograde? Is it that?”

“It fits, dontcha think.”

“Why would somebody want to put Viagra on your site?”

“I dunno, honey.”

“Why would somebody hack your site?”

“I dunno.”

“That’s dumb.”

“That’s mean.”

“I know.”

Quotes — 6 Comments
28
Jun 12

Laughter Reveals Character

If you wish to glimpse inside a human soul and get to know a man,
don’t bother analyzing his ways of being silent, of talking, of weeping,
of seeing how much he is moved by noble ideas;
you will get better results if you just watch him laugh.
If he laughs well, he’s a good man.

– Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / Random Observations / Stories — 5 Comments
2
Jun 12

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up – 3

By the end of the third full day of rain, we’d filled our Yahtzee pages and played enough Aggravation to understand how the game got its name.

We’d run through Oh, Hell and Cribbage, too. In a desperate move, I suggested Trivial Pursuit, even though I could clearly remember how the game was a yawn fest when I was a kid.

Jenny escaped to the garage to work on a project with grandpa.

Will, grandma and I dusted off the Trivial Pursuit box and pulled out the cards. It wouldn’t be long before we’d lose Will. We fumbled with questions like, “What team retired baseball player Stan Musial’s No. 6?” and “Who’s the barber in The Barber of Seville?”

It was Will’s turn. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 21 Comments
15
May 12

My Conversation With Audrey Hepburn

I steeled myself enough to peek over the edge of the covers. Audrey was staring back at me.

“This is kind of late for you, isn’t it Dear? Shouldn’t you be well into the morning’s chapter of reading by now?”

“I know, Audrey. I know. This is late. I’m hiding. I’m playing the role of the ostrich today.”

“I see. So because you received a call with some unsettling news on Saturday, and slumped around in a funk all day Sunday, you think what you really need to do today is sleep in and avoid the rest of the world?”

“Well… yes. I am going to fold my tent. I will fold it neatly and tuck it away. I’ll spend the day in bed with the covers pulled over my head and wait for everything to blow away in the wind.” Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 15 Comments
4
May 12

On Enjoying the Ride

Imagine how sweet this journey would be if we quit second-guessing every one of our decisions. What if we reveled in the things that went well for longer than we stewed over the things that went wrong.

We’d more easily live in the moment, if we quit beating ourselves up over how we mishandled the last moment.

Potholes Along the Way

Festering, lingering, dwelling on the difficult does not help us learn the lesson better; it keeps us in a holding pattern and prevents the arrival of new lessons. Continue reading →

Homeschool / My Minimalism / Parenting / Random Observations — 11 Comments
1
May 12

A Tale of Manifesting

“Mom, didn’t you say you were going to take us to a play about Camelot?”

I’d lost the note I’d written. At the beginning of April, I’d discovered a college production of a funny version of King Arthur and Camelot. I’d forgotten to buy tickets and the date was fast approaching. “Will, I’m glad you reminded me. I’ll get online and find out where to get tickets after we get back from the hardware store.”

__________

We’d gone to Home Depot under the guise of exploring options for a homeowner repair. We came home with a pile of seed packets instead.

They each got to select a couple different packets for their corner of the garden. Jenny selected celosia, forget-me-nots and celery. She doesn’t actually like celery but her imaginary friend does. Will selected a packet of habanero seeds and sweet onions. I picked basil, California Poppies, hollyhocks, and nasturtiums. I’m sure there were more in there. Continue reading →

Moving On / Quotes / Random Observations / Tools — 16 Comments
5
Apr 12

Perspective

My breathing is loud. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. I can’t remember if this is the sixth or seventh lap.

Does it even matter how many times I climb this hill, just as long as I get out here and move?

I get to the top and survey the river. Through the pounding I hear my thoughts:

You are reaching for the cheaters more than you used to.
Maybe it’s age that keeps you from remembering how many times you’ve walked up the hill.
Remember when your ass was below your waist and not behind your knees?
You ought to have given more thought to what it would be like to physically keep up with two young kids at the age of 50.
When did you get to the age where Mom Jeans are comfortable?
Isn’t it time to consider coloring your hair?

I head down the hill and wonder if this upcoming birthday could quietly sneak away in the night without anyone in my family doing anything about it. Through huffs and puffs, I laugh at myself because I know it’s not so much about the day, as it is about my perceptions of what it’s like to be turning 50. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 6 Comments
2
Apr 12

He Might Be A Narcissist If …

… before you were married, he said flattering things about the way you dressed and the clever way you put yourself together. After marriage, he tells you how he never liked boots with skirts, and that you shouldn’t wear your hair short because it makes your face look full.

… he refuses to suggest that you spend a day doing something you’ve been talking about – something he knows you’ve been dying to do – until you beg him to go with you.

… he spends more time getting ready in the morning than you. His lotions and potions take up more space in the bathroom than your creams, and he often smells more fragrant than you.

… before marriage he was convinced you did everything perfectly. Now that you’ve been married for eight months you’ve mysteriously forgotten how to cook an egg, sweep a floor, make a proper bed or keep the car tidy.

… he says you spend too much time reading and not enough time watching the stuff he likes on T.V. Continue reading →

Opportunistic / Random Observations / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 42 Comments
29
Mar 12

Narcissists in the Desert

We’re home.

The vacation zen is making it hard to focus.

I’m short on words but long on photos.

Looking through the 300-plus photos, I started laughing at how much cactus is like a narcissist. Continue reading →

Parenting / Random Observations — 12 Comments
13
Mar 12

Riding With Tigger and Marcel

She’ll pick up her school papers and take herself off to her room to work. He has never willingly gone to his room. In fact, when she goes to her room, he follows her and only stops when his nose comes within inches of her closed door.

He walks around the house while brushing his teeth. When he’s in the bathroom, he’s singing. It doesn’t occur to her to sing in the bathroom.

He likes to know what the plan is, what we are going to have for lunch and dinner, and whether we will be having company. She wants to be left to wing-it, she has to be reminded to eat, and she’s cool with not having anyone over for days at a time.

When he’s working on a project, he’ll stop in the middle to brainstorm a new project. She doesn’t think about what’s next, because she’s so deeply immersed in what she’s doing now.

He’s the first to make us laugh with a joke or a funny voice. She’s the first to come up with a new painting technique. Continue reading →

Control / Random Observations / Tools — 25 Comments
27
Feb 12

Why You Shouldn’t Make Your Bed Every Day

There are the frazzled days when, for no apparent reason, you feel out of sorts.

Maybe you blame it on the full moon.

Perhaps you need to eat more protein and less carbs – or less protein and more carbs – I can never remember. You may be dehydrated, or you slept poorly.

You sit quietly, coffee in hand, sifting through the thoughts mulling around in your head, trying to filter out the cause of the frazzle-ness. You find several potentials – emails that need answers, an over-baked tray of cookies, the need to run out to get milk, or a dwindling supply of firewood. None of them amount to enough to cause the Frazzle.

The exercise of sorting through and examining the thoughts helps you see that what you are craving, though, is control.

This moment – right here, right now – demands a bit of control.

Not the heavy-handed I’ll tell you what we are having for dinner and you will eat it kind of control, but the kind of control that attempts to gently pull in fractured energies and encourage focus.

In an uncharacteristically desperate attempt at gaining control I make the bed – the same one that will go for days without being made.

The making of the bed starts a snowball effect. (If I made the bed every day, I wouldn’t have an obvious place to start the snowball effect. Isn’t rationalization handy?) The snowball builds as I clean the cat box, take out the trash, sweep the front stoop, straighten the cushions on the couch and refold the blanket on the rocking chair.

The completion of each chore, starting with making the bed, allows me to pull in all those scattered energies, get some semblance of control and focus on what’s really important – figuring out what to make for dinner.