Through tears she asked, “How come he says other kids do things well, but he can’t say that about me? How come he doesn’t think I’m great? What do I have to do to get him to say those things about me?” Continue reading →
Posts Tagged: love
28
Sep 11
Sound Advice
For what it’s worth, the following is a list of pearls – advice I’ve received over the last so many years.
Some was delivered by a caring family member or a dear friend.
Some was gleaned from a magazine article or a self-help book.
Some was uncovered while searching the internet in the wee hours.
Some was initially ignored.
These are the most useful words that I turn to when I don’t know where else to turn. These aren’t direct quotes, but paraphrases of helpful bits that have gotten us through.
- If it’s hard to get, it’s hard to keep.
- If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, run screaming in the other direction.
- Your gut always tells the truth.
- If you have to ask him to listen, he’s not interested.
- If she says she doesn’t have time, what she’s really saying is that she doesn’t want to.
- Respect is not a given, it should be earned.
- Respect has nothing to do with age.
- It doesn’t need to be this hard.
- If you want mail, you’ve got to send mail.
- If you want friends, you have to be a friend.
- It’s okay if everyone doesn’t like you.
- It’s okay to not like everyone.
- If you aren’t feeling good about yourself, it might be that you are surrounded by assholes.
- Good sleep is better than all the makeup in the world.
- Humor can be found in almost every situation; find the funny part and quit dwelling on the negative.
- They can treat me whatever way they choose; I can choose to accept that treatment or not.
- Keep talking until you find someone who understands and believes you – they are out there.
- Kids are wise old souls in new bodies – treat them accordingly.
- There’s no point in talking the talk if you aren’t planning to take some action.
- There’s nothing wrong with going to bed early. (See above on sleep and makeup.)
- Many things can be fixed with a hug and good music.
- We cross paths for a reason – it’s okay if we don’t stay on the same path forever.
*Share your favorite advice in the comments below. Let’s compile a fabulous list.
23
Sep 11
To Parents of Daughters
We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between a man who flatters her and a man who compliments her ~ a man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her ~ a man who views her as property and a man who views her properly ~ a man who lusts after her and a man who loves her ~ a man who believes he is God’s gift to women and a man who remembers a woman was God’s gift to man.
– Unknown *Thank you, Kate.
– Unknown *Thank you, Kate.
15
Sep 11
I Am Not A Goddess
“If you think this isn’t very hard, that’s because you have been steadily working on getting to this point this whole time. Continue reading →
12
Sep 11
On Full Moons, Rainbow Trout and Gratitude
The rainbow cleared the surface of the water to get a glimpse of the full moon. It was his job to report back to the others. “Yep, it’s full. They can’t catch us for at least another 24 hours!”
The ripples set off by the splash broke the seamless reflection of the sailboat. Without a breeze, the ripples smoothed quickly and returned the cove to a dark mirror spotted by boat lights and star haze.
Up until then, we’d been wondering if that sailboat had two masts. We couldn’t tell where the boat ended and the reflection began.
In our shorts, sweatshirts and Keens, we stood arm-in-arm, gazing at the moon hiding on the other side of the trees. Their leaves were still clinging to green. Even though it was September 11th, they weren’t ready to change into yellow, orange and brown.
Not yet.
When I asked what thoughts came to their minds when standing there bathed in moonlight, they both uttered something about being thankful.
Thankful for fish caught.
Thankful for new friends made.
Thankful for trees to climb with new and old friends.
Thankful for grandparents fun enough to camp with.
Thankful for a warm summer night when others had to get up early for school.
Thankful for the opportunity to appreciate our simple lives when others have lost so much.
Thankful for closeness and comfort and not so much stress.
Thankful for coffee in the morning, jeans to ward off the chill, warm chocolate milk and the opportunity to catch more fish.
__________
We pointed out the constellations that tried to stand out against the bright light of the moon. We knew some of the names and made up the others.
As we turned to walk back and tuck in for the night, we acknowledged the date. For a brief moment we felt awkward in our gratitude.
Was it enough to be thankful?
Should we do more?
And then we heard the splash. The rainbow cleared the surface again. We turned in time to see the ripples sending a code that said, “Come back tomorrow! Catch me if you can.”
30
Aug 11
He Wears Ray Bans
It turns out that he wasn’t wearing a Kevlar Vest after all. Continue reading →
18
Aug 11
On Cute Puppies and Leaving Well Enough Alone
If I could manage to keep them from putting that 6 week-old Pomeranian puff ball with irresistible brown eyes in my arms, I’d be fine. Continue reading →
15
Aug 11
Walls, Fences and Structures
An excerpt from Seeing My Path.
… I remind myself that all the structures in my life have been created by me.
The structures are determined by my relationships and my role in those relationships. The structures dictate where I go.
I think of the structures as guard rails that keep me on the path I’m traveling.
. . .
The structure prevented me from moving closer to who I was supposed to be.
On this plateau, with the sun warming my face, I can see – far down below – a maze of high walls. The walls are the structure I thought I needed to guarantee love and acceptance. They funneled me in the direction of pleasing others, helping others, and putting myself last.
What if I made the decision to raze those walls and create a new structure?
What if I trusted that love would come to me if I allowed myself to follow a path that didn’t put everyone else first?
Could it be that each step in the direction of my true self might bring me more strength and more love?
Then I heard myself having a conversation with… well… myself.
*To read more about how my choices and structures led to my marrying a narcissist, how I lost myself, changed course and finally got headed in my right direction check out Seeing My Path – In and Out of a Relationship With a Narcissist.
It’s a good story with a happy ending… so far. ;)
6
Aug 11
Delicious Beginnings and a Red Wagon
An excerpt from Seeing My Path…
“Remember when we were a kid and didn’t care? Do you remember back before we worried if our ears were too big, whether we talked too much, if our eyebrows were too caterpillar-like, or if our arms and legs were too long and skinny?
Can you remember a time before we started to think there was something wrong with us?
Let’s be that kid pulling a red wagon full of hopes, dreams and lessons to be learned.
Let’s be that kid before she’s hardened by disappointments, dashed hopes and unfulfilled dreams.
Let‘s be that kid before she lets the doubts change her opinion of herself – before she began to believe the criticisms or hurtful comments from others.
Let‘s be the kid who believed she could do anything and thought she was lovable and likeable and a joy to be around.
Can you imagine anyone not wanting to be around our kids? Try to feel that way about us. We, above all, know our intrinsic goodness. We know the depth of our character.
Let’s be the kid who is proud of the stories she writes and the cakes she bakes and the pictures she draws and the forts she builds.
Love us as much as we love the kids.
Forgive our screw ups.
Believe in our intentions.
Allow us to grow into who we are.”
*Notes from a conversation with myself, on a high plateau, somewhere in the middle of Montana.
