Posts Tagged: love
15
Sep 11
I Am Not A Goddess
“If you think this isn’t very hard, that’s because you have been steadily working on getting to this point this whole time. Continue reading →
12
Sep 11
On Full Moons, Rainbow Trout and Gratitude
The rainbow cleared the surface of the water to get a glimpse of the full moon. It was his job to report back to the others. “Yep, it’s full. They can’t catch us for at least another 24 hours!”
The ripples set off by the splash broke the seamless reflection of the sailboat. Without a breeze, the ripples smoothed quickly and returned the cove to a dark mirror spotted by boat lights and star haze.
Up until then, we’d been wondering if that sailboat had two masts. We couldn’t tell where the boat ended and the reflection began.
In our shorts, sweatshirts and Keens, we stood arm-in-arm, gazing at the moon hiding on the other side of the trees. Their leaves were still clinging to green. Even though it was September 11th, they weren’t ready to change into yellow, orange and brown.
Not yet.
When I asked what thoughts came to their minds when standing there bathed in moonlight, they both uttered something about being thankful.
Thankful for fish caught.
Thankful for new friends made.
Thankful for trees to climb with new and old friends.
Thankful for grandparents fun enough to camp with.
Thankful for a warm summer night when others had to get up early for school.
Thankful for the opportunity to appreciate our simple lives when others have lost so much.
Thankful for closeness and comfort and not so much stress.
Thankful for coffee in the morning, jeans to ward off the chill, warm chocolate milk and the opportunity to catch more fish.
__________
We pointed out the constellations that tried to stand out against the bright light of the moon. We knew some of the names and made up the others.
As we turned to walk back and tuck in for the night, we acknowledged the date. For a brief moment we felt awkward in our gratitude.
Was it enough to be thankful?
Should we do more?
And then we heard the splash. The rainbow cleared the surface again. We turned in time to see the ripples sending a code that said, “Come back tomorrow! Catch me if you can.”
30
Aug 11
He Wears Ray Bans
It turns out that he wasn’t wearing a Kevlar Vest after all. Continue reading →
18
Aug 11
On Cute Puppies and Leaving Well Enough Alone
If I could manage to keep them from putting that 6 week-old Pomeranian puff ball with irresistible brown eyes in my arms, I’d be fine. Continue reading →
15
Aug 11
Walls, Fences and Structures
An excerpt from Seeing My Path.
… I remind myself that all the structures in my life have been created by me.
The structures are determined by my relationships and my role in those relationships. The structures dictate where I go.
I think of the structures as guard rails that keep me on the path I’m traveling.
. . .
The structure prevented me from moving closer to who I was supposed to be.
On this plateau, with the sun warming my face, I can see – far down below – a maze of high walls. The walls are the structure I thought I needed to guarantee love and acceptance. They funneled me in the direction of pleasing others, helping others, and putting myself last.
What if I made the decision to raze those walls and create a new structure?
What if I trusted that love would come to me if I allowed myself to follow a path that didn’t put everyone else first?
Could it be that each step in the direction of my true self might bring me more strength and more love?
Then I heard myself having a conversation with… well… myself.
*To read more about how my choices and structures led to my marrying a narcissist, how I lost myself, changed course and finally got headed in my right direction check out Seeing My Path – In and Out of a Relationship With a Narcissist.
It’s a good story with a happy ending… so far. ;)
6
Aug 11
Delicious Beginnings and a Red Wagon
An excerpt from Seeing My Path…
“Remember when we were a kid and didn’t care? Do you remember back before we worried if our ears were too big, whether we talked too much, if our eyebrows were too caterpillar-like, or if our arms and legs were too long and skinny?
Can you remember a time before we started to think there was something wrong with us?
Let’s be that kid pulling a red wagon full of hopes, dreams and lessons to be learned.
Let’s be that kid before she’s hardened by disappointments, dashed hopes and unfulfilled dreams.
Let‘s be that kid before she lets the doubts change her opinion of herself – before she began to believe the criticisms or hurtful comments from others.
Let‘s be the kid who believed she could do anything and thought she was lovable and likeable and a joy to be around.
Can you imagine anyone not wanting to be around our kids? Try to feel that way about us. We, above all, know our intrinsic goodness. We know the depth of our character.
Let’s be the kid who is proud of the stories she writes and the cakes she bakes and the pictures she draws and the forts she builds.
Love us as much as we love the kids.
Forgive our screw ups.
Believe in our intentions.
Allow us to grow into who we are.”
*Notes from a conversation with myself, on a high plateau, somewhere in the middle of Montana.
4
Aug 11
Dear Universe
Dear Universe,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to write this book.
With grateful tears and a happy, excited heart…
Love,
Jesse
30
Jul 11
Letting Go of the Rope
She never could get up on water skis. Oh sure, she tried. Continue reading →
24
Jul 11
Dear 27-Year-Olds
Hey you!
Hang on.
This isn’t all there is.
If it feels thick and slow and hard to breathe, that’s because it often feels that way – especially right now. That thick feeling is offset by another feeling… of lightness.
That lightness comes if you let it – if you don’t try to attach to it. Don’t cling to the lightness out of fear. Let it come and go. Trust that when the lightness leaves, it will also return.
___________
There are glimpses of understanding.
Sometimes it all makes sense.
Go out under the moon and catch your breath.
Walk by yourself in a Spring rain and get soaked. Smell your skin and the wet earth and listen to the grass grow.
You will see that it makes sense.
Let a newborn baby wrap its tender hand around your calloused finger. Feel the energy in that tiny hand.
That makes sense.
The hardness makes sense, for without it, there is no appreciation for ease.
__________
Show us who you are. What are you hiding from? If you won’t let us see you, how can we come to know you and love you.
Open yourself up to the possibility of being loved for who you are – flaws and all. We all have them.
Ask for a hand, because we are all here for no other reason than to support and nurture each other.
Can you let another nurture you?
You don’t have to be so tough.
Let us see you.
Let us know you.
You deserve to be loved for who you are.
__________
Hang on.
It gets sweeter.
There is joy to be found in a morning spent pulling weeds or a night spent falling asleep on the couch getting lost in a book.
There is good spaghetti yet to eat.
There are children to watch grow and hikes to take.
There are flowers to be picked and friends to be made.
There is good wine to share.
There are mountains of buttery popcorn to be devoured while sitting in a dark theater next to your best friend watching a new summer blockbuster in air conditioning when it’s 98 degrees outside.
There will be phone calls from old friends who miss you.
There will be bright spots right around the corner.
Hang on.
