Posts Tagged: love

Seeing My Path / Stories / The INFJ and the Narcissist - A Series / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 11 Comments
25
Oct 13

The INFJ and the Narcissist – Part 2

The infj and the narcissist 2Those INFJ traits make for a tenacious individual when it comes to working on relationships.  She would never run out of the desire to try.  She’d contort herself into whatever shape he needed in order to make this work.

If he wanted an outdoorsy woman, she’d happily put on hiking boots.

If he wanted a woman who only had time for him, she’d quit returning the calls from friends and family.

If he wanted a companion who followed his dreams, she’d tuck her dreams away in a box on a shelf in the closet.

  Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 2 Comments
7
Oct 13

The List of Lessons

list of lessonsShe drew a thick black line down the center of a sheet of unlined paper.  On the left she wrote the names of people she’s known.  Some no longer played an active role in her life, and some impact her life on a daily basis.  Some stand in the periphery.  Others are knocking at her front door, and some sleep in the rooms at the back of her house.

They all carry clipboards full of notes.

A lot of the names appear on her Christmas card list.  It might be the woman she’d had coffee with on a daily basis in college, but now she was hard-pressed to remember the woman’s adult children’s names.  It might be the guy she’d lived with in college who made it hard for her to look her grandfather in the eye because of the whole “living in sin” thing.

 

The left column listed names of individuals – all of whom left a print on her life. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 14 Comments
20
Aug 13

Only If You Dare

Invite the narcissist in your life to go to the movie you’ve been waiting all summer to see, but only if you dare. If it isn’t his idea, he won’t like the movie, and he won’t spare your feelings by pretending to like the movie. He’ll exit the theater, after sleeping through most of the film, and say something like, “Yeah, this was one of those movies.”  Those movies aren’t on his list – his master list of all things approved by him.

 

Tell the narcissist in your life that you’ve grown two inches this summer and that you are running out of jeans, but only if you dare.  He may agree to take you shopping, but not to the places you like.  He won’t mince words when telling you which jeans he likes, and which jeans he hates.  He never likes the jeans you like.  He will look at your little sister and say,”Where’d you get that top?”  When your sister tells him the name of the shop, he’ll shrug his shoulders as if to say, “No wonder.”

You will come home with new jeans that you don’t want.

  Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations — 11 Comments
22
Jul 13

On Goddesses, Full Moons and the Wisdom of a 10 Year Old

We were walking to the park.  The day’s heat was turning into the moist cool of night.  “So…  that was probably the longest phone call you’ve had with your dad in as long as I can remember?”

“Yeah.  Whew!  A lot… of questions.”

“Well…  what do you think?”

“What I am supposed to think?”

“I said that wrong.  How do you feel?” Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Spirit Guides / Stories — 7 Comments
27
May 13

One Afternoon at the Cemetery

She winds the strands of her beaded necklace through delicate fingers. Tilting her head back, she exhales, and points the ember in the direction of the couple yelling at their dog.

“What is it with people and their dogs? I mean, dogs are swell, but why bring your dog to the cemetery and then yell at it for running through the grass and sniffing at other folks?  For God’s sake!  Get that dog to a park, let it run and stop yelling at it.”

“Gladys, you’re dropping ashes on your dress. Shouldn’t you be more careful, dear?”

“Thanks, Margaret, but you know I’ve got more dresses where this one came from. It’s just a dress. What kind of pie are you making today? Lemon chiffon? Banana cream? Or blueberry? I love hot blueberry pie dripping with real cream – not that stuff they call cream now-a-days.”

“Hey, Gladys. You sure they can’t hear us? You sure I can skate off of these grave markers? Nobody’ll care, right?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Parenting — 23 Comments
7
Mar 13

Before You Have Kids

 

How are you with it not being all about you?  When you walk into a room, are you good with blending in, or must you stand out?  Do you get uncomfortable if a conversation doesn’t center on your job or your car or your haircut?

Are you quick to anger if your plans are derailed?

Do you insist on controlling everything, including the people in your life?

 

How adaptable are you to not being able to watch your favorite show at the scheduled time, every week, eating the same food in the same spot on the couch? Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Quotes — Comments Off on On When to Forgive
4
Mar 13

On When to Forgive

How do we forgive our fathers, maybe in a dream?

Do we forgive our fathers for leaving us too often, or forever, when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage, or making us nervous, because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our fathers for marrying, or not marrying our mothers, for divorcing, or not divorcing our mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?

Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning, for shutting doors, for speaking through walls, or never speaking, or never being silent?

Do we forgive our fathers in our age or in theirs?  Or in their deaths, saying it to them, or not saying it?

If we forgive our fathers what is left?

 
– Thomas Builds-the-Fire 
from the movie, Smoke Signals

 

 

Moving On / Quotes / Stories — 4 Comments
17
Jan 13

On Broken Hearts

“Well,” the Goddess said,
“your heart didn’t heal straight the last time it broke.
So we’ll break it again and reset it so it heals straight this time.”
– Jane Yolen
 
 
 
 
 

*Maybe if we looked at it this way,
a broken heart wouldn’t seem insurmountable.

Random Observations / Stories — 15 Comments
15
Jan 13

The Jigsaw Puzzle

She was too exhausted to untie the bundle.  He stood next to her and excitedly pulled at the bow that was wrapped tightly around the four corners of the blanket.  His hands were shaking.  He fumbled a bit, but the blanket fell open to reveal the most precious gift.  He gently placed the baby in her arms.  They didn’t notice the green organza bag that fell out of the blanket to the floor.

They cooed at the baby while the nurse placed the green bag inside an overnight bag.

__________

A couple days later a tired, happy, new mom unpacked the overnight bag.  Inside she found the shiny green bag.  Was it a gift from the hospital?  In her exhaustion, had she forgotten who’d brought her this unusual gift?  She opened the bag to find seven brightly colored pieces from a jigsaw puzzle.  Surely there was a puzzle somewhere that was missing important pieces.  Who could this belong to?

She was too tired to sort out the mystery, so she placed the green bag on the shelf above the changing table. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 13 Comments
11
Dec 12

On Default Settings and Choice

Stumbling in the dark, hoping to avoid stepping on the cat on my way to making that first cup of coffee in the morning, I do not have the presence of mind to plan on having a happy day.   Once I’ve had those first sips and my eyes start to focus, I am not any closer to consciously thinking, “Today is going to be really happy.”

Will is six-month-old puppy-happy every day, and even he doesn’t get out of bed and announce, “Today I’m going to be really happy.”  He just is.  That is his default setting.

My setting is more in the range of – get along; don’t rock any boats; hope to get a few things done and feel like I’m a decent person by the end of the day kind of setting.

 

Grooves and Defaults Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Seeing My Path / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 30 Comments
4
Dec 12

On Red Flags and Starting Over

 

Does he monopolize the conversation?  Does he fail to ask of my life?

Does he care more about his looks than I care about mine?  Do I get to be the pretty one in this relationship?

Does he treat Jen and Will like they are a nuisance?

Does he have friends?  Does he get along with his family?  How does he talk about his kids?  How does he treat a waitress or the clerk at the grocery?

Does he act entitled?  Does he lack empathy? Continue reading →

Random Observations — 6 Comments
20
Nov 12

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Thank you for blessing me with Will and Jenny.  Their presence is proof that I deserve good in my life.

 

Thank you for presenting me with the lessons I need.  Thanks, also, for your patience while I re-learn a lot of those lessons.

 

Thank you for knowing how much I can handle, and for not dumping it on me all at once.

 

Thank you for leaves to rake, fresh air to breathe, snowflakes to anticipate and the change in the seasons.

 

Thank you for each new quiet morning, the fullness of the day, and the tranquility of night.

 

Thank you for not taking me too seriously, and for not laughing at me when I do.

 

Thank you for friends – those who’ve come and gone and left their mark, and those who’ve stayed for the long haul.

 

Thank you for family and their impact on our lives.

 

Thank you for giving second, third and fourth chances so that I may continue to try and get it right.

Random Observations — 6 Comments
29
Oct 12

Bringing Out the Best in Each Other

Bringing out the best in each other.The turning leaves are enhanced by the dusting of white on the river bank.  The leaves aren’t frosted in white, and the white bank isn’t covered with amber leaves.

The leaves and the snow bring out the beauty in each other.

__________

She offers to fill my calendar along with her own, and laughs when I say, “We’ll take a rain check on that one.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / My Minimalism / Parenting — 20 Comments
15
Aug 12

Surviving Nicely – 3

The third anniversary of this blog quietly came and went.

__________

I harvested pales of fresh raspberries and discussed freezer jam recipes.

I collected rocks with Jen and counted the different types of butterflies that landed on the wildflowers beside the cabin.  We lost track of the count when we spied two frogs in a rain puddle.

I took pictures of a grinning Will and the trout he was catching. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Stories — 1 Comment
6
Aug 12

Bandaging with Humor

 

I thought better of it.

I tried to talk myself out of it.

I could come up with something else.

But I can’t quit laughing about the truth in this email I received right after he left town.  I got this from a friend who didn’t know what I was dealing with.  And he got it from the hilarious world of the internet.  (Timing is everything!)

 

The wife left a note on the fridge:

“It’s not working.
I can’t take it anymore!!
Gone to stay with Mother.”

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold…….

What the hell is she talking about?

 

It’s funny because it’s true.

 Laughter heals.

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