There is an undercurrent of truth seekers in the river of life. Continue reading →
Posts Tagged: narcissistic behavior
24
Jan 12
You Can’t See Me Until I Do
17
Jan 12
A Work In Progress
I am a work in progress and so is this blog.
First, some chronology to set the stage:
5 1/2 years ago - Stuff three boxes, buckle two young kids into car seats, leave husband, nice house, financially secure future, perpetual stomach aches and nicest yard* I’ll ever tend. Continue reading →
13
Jan 12
Tales From Moving On
She hadn’t written him a letter explaining. She hadn’t told him she was leaving. She didn’t realize – until she saw her hands putting her journal, a laptop, and some clothes in a box – that she was leaving. Continue reading →
9
Jan 12
They Look Through You
Whether it comes from years of looking inward, or years of not seeing clearly, I don’t know. Their eyes take on a cloudiness that makes it look like they have a difficult time focusing on the rest of the world. Continue reading →
5
Jan 12
The Day She Gave Up On Herself
She hadn’t planned to turn her back on herself. She didn’t wake up one morning and say, “This feels like the right day to put myself aside for this relationship.” Continue reading →
28
Nov 11
Ignore the Two Steps Back
One step forward, two steps back.
One step forward, two steps back.
One step for……
I know, already!
Yet I can be found grumbling, kicking rocks and beating myself up with each one of those steps taken back.
My cheerleader voice says:
“Focus on the progress.”
“See how far you’ve come.”
“Hello, Girl! You are way better off now than you were five years ago!”
“It’s okay to slip up once in awhile.”
And because I was never a cheerleader in real life – is high school real life? – I gravitate to the curmudgeon side of me that says:
“Why do you let him get to you?”
“Wow, Jesse, way to emulate grace and poise,” in a most facetious tone.
“Hello? Have you forgotten what the pattern is here?”
And then the wise old soul in me – the one who lightens up, the one who doesn’t take all this shit too seriously, the one gently encouraged by the Universe, the one whose cup is empty says:
“Jesse, it’s okay.”
“That’s what it’s like to be human.”
“Slip-ups happen on the way to progress.”
“You are showing your kids that it’s okay to make a mistake, own it, and move on.”
“Remember that thing about the bitter and the sweet?”
“Just keep moving, honey, and don’t put so damn much emphasis on those two steps back.”
31
Oct 11
Scary
Scary is having your son’s 1st grade teacher ask you if there are problems at home that might explain your son’s nervous tic.
Scary is loosing contact with family and friends because your husband doesn’t like you to keep in touch over the phone or have company come for dinner.
Scary is not being able to sleep because you fear the treatment you’ll receive the next day because you will – once again – disappoint him and fail to meet his expectations.
Scary is believing that you have done something to bring about the treatment you are receiving.
Scary is staring out the window while sipping the morning’s first cup of coffee and realizing that the emptiness you feel every day is what you are going to feel for the rest of your life, if you don’t get out of this situation.
Scary is realizing you have forgotten who you are.
Scary is finally getting the courage to write him a letter explaining your fears and desperation, only to have him tell you that the issues are yours and he’ll support you in your efforts to fix them.
Scary is believing you don’t deserve any better.
Scary is knowing that your husband can’t see his own children for who they are, but tries to mold them into what he wants them to be.
Scary is knowing that if you stay, your children’s spirits will be snuffed out.
Scary is feeling so frightened and desperate that you pack your bags and leave the house you’ve lived in for thirteen years without having a backup plan.
Scary is knowing everyone thinks you are crazy for leaving such a wonderful person.
Scary is getting out, and fearing you’ll end up in another relationship with a narcissist.
20
Oct 11
Selective Ignorance
Who am I to question the wise words of Maya Angelou? Continue reading →
16
Oct 11
Ignorance is Bliss
Children’s talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.
- Maya Angelou
14
Oct 11
A Different Version of Normal
At his address, the toys are neatly put away, the art supplies stay tucked in the cupboard and the towels are folded the minute the dryer buzzes. Continue reading →
