Posts Tagged: support


29
Feb 16

If You Know a Child of a Narcissist

child of a narcissistThere’s a good chance you know a child of a narcissist.

This post is written for you if your friend or loved-one or relative is suffering – or has suffered – at the hands of a narcissist.

Your heart aches for her.  You want to make things better for him.  You want to ease their pain, even if just for a moment.

You can’t make it all go away.  You can’t love them enough to make up for what their parent couldn’t or wouldn’t do.  You can’t swoop in and be the caretaker they have always longed for.

You can acknowledge their hurts.  You can listen and believe them when they explain who their parent was/is. Continue reading →


14
Oct 14

The Difference Between Can’t and Won’t

all that ocean and not a narcissist in sightGuest Post by Jenn

Way back in May of this year I was dealing with issues stemming from the sideline Narcissist in my life.  I call her a sideline Narcissist because she doesn’t live in my home, or in my town, but she very much influences my life because she raised my husband.  Thank the Gods he managed to survive his childhood and now we have our own little darlings, who are also influenced by the sideline Narcissist.  But I digress.

Back to the issue the sideline Narcissist was inconveniently causing back in May.  After I had sent out an email to extended family members letting them know that we wouldn’t be traveling to Kentucky as we normally do, the husband received an email from his mother.  She stated she would like the kids for two weeks in July and then again for another two weeks in August – at her house, which is ten hours away from where we live.  The big problem here is that my MIL cannot physically handle the rigors of caring for two very active young boys plus their sister for more than a few days.  She wanted them for two weeks at a time.  Cue the drama where the sideline Narcissist does a happy dance.

So the husband and I actually agree that his mother cannot have the kids for two weeks.  Then we even go so far as to agree that he should go with the kids for their one-week visit.  We then agreed that he would talk to his mother about why she couldn’t have the kids by herself.  And that’s where all the happy dancing on my end stopped because although the husband said he would talk to her, in reality it wasn’t happening.  I even gave him a date to have it done by, since he’s horrible at procrastinating.  That date came and he hadn’t had the TALK.

We were in July now, and I was angry – grinding my teeth and harrowing-in-my-gut angry – when I saw him.  Because what I saw was that he wouldn’t talk to his mother even though it was in his kids’ best interests. He didn’t want me talking to the sideline Narcissist about this problem because I was “too aggressive” –  in his words.  Whereas what I saw was that he was entirely too passive.  So I sat in my anger and I felt my body drawing in around me, and at some point I got tired of the anger.  It takes a lot of energy to maintain that kind of anger and I didn’t want to do it anymore.  So I pulled myself aside and had a chat.  The fancy schmancy counseling degree I have teaches you certain skills.  So I asked myself what I would do with some random dude off the street who walked in and had an angry wife and a mother he couldn’t talk to.  And that’s when it hit me. Continue reading →


1
Mar 13

Help In The Night

She wanted to switch on the light, but she didn’t dare wake him.  On those sleepless nights, if the moon wasn’t too bright, she could see stars through the skylights above their bed.  Maybe one day, when she was free to pursue her own interests, she’d learn the constellations – Cassiopeia, Orion and the others.  The names made her think of possibility.

Possibility was what she needed to believe in right now.

Was it possible to feel good again?

Was it possible to create a healthier life – better than this life full of fears and disappointments and anger?

She gently turned back the covers and stepped out of bed.  She had tiptoed down the stairs enough times in the dark to feel her way down without bumping into anything.  Once downstairs, she could turn on a light, slide out the drawer in the office desk, and reach into the back for a small, innocent-looking spiral notepad.  The pages were worn.  The pad was almost full.  She had turned down corners on pages that held the notes that touched her most deeply. Continue reading →


28
Jan 13

Encouragement

Most of us,
swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about,
need only a bit of praise or encouragement –
and we will make the goal.
– Robert Collier

24
Jan 13

Survivor Support

In Survivor Support, I will call your attention to a new commenter who reaches out to us for encouragement or guidance or a compassionate ear.

We have created a most healthy group of wise individuals who send positive ripples out whenever needed.

It’s time to send more ripples.

Survivors and Thrivers, please see Kristin’s comment on this post.

Thanks,

Jesse