I sat in the lobby of the old hospital building when my kids were in their last counseling session. The session was over two hours long. I sat and waited. I should have gotten groceries. I should have run to the bank. I could have done a lot of things. Will was concerned that Mark might take them ’somewhere’ after the session. To offer Will some comfort, I promised that I’d be sitting there when the kids got out of the session. Continue reading →
Posts Tagged: survive
26
Jun 10
CliffsNotes to a Newborn
21
Jun 10
I Am The Stream
I thought about posting the most damning quotes from the emails received from Mark in the last few days. I thought I might even write about how Mark is telling Will that while every boy needs a mom, they don’t need a mom who poisons them with the hate they feel for that boy’s dad. I thought I’d even post entire copies of those emails. (Trust me. They far exceed the 1000 word limit that a lot of bloggers prefer.) I thought of posting his criticisms and defending myself. His writings further prove his disorder, so it certainly would be more fodder for this blog. Continue reading →
20
Jun 10
Happy Father’s Day to Me
I have learned how to throw a spiral. I ski even on the days when it’s too damn cold, and I’d rather be sitting by the fire reading a good book. I routinely embarrass myself on the golf course. I know the difference between an olie, a tic-tac, a fakie, a nosegrind and a kickflip. (Those are skateboarding terms, by the way.) I even remember to laugh at their burp competitions. I also let them spit sunflower seed shells at each other - until I can’t stand it any more. Continue reading →
17
Jun 10
When Fear is the Bus Driver
“Whoa! That was a fun ride!” she says, facetiously. I’m sure it won’t be the last time Fear drives this bus. But, for now, I’m back behind the wheel. I’ve got to look into getting some seat belts installed on this thing. The view from the back seat was interesting, but a little blurry because Fear was driving so fast. That’s probably why I was up the night before last, vomiting. Fear does that to me. It’s a lot like car sickness. Continue reading →
15
Jun 10
Fear on the Frontlines
I am scared. My stomach hurts.
Mark talked to my mom before his counseling session today. He admitted that yesterday’s visit did not go well. He said he thinks he can’t reach Will. I’m stunned that he can see this. Continue reading →
14
Jun 10
From the Sidelines to the Stands
I spent some time on the sidelines. I was too close to the game, and couldn’t see the action well. I moved to the stands. I can see the game better, and it’s a lot more comfy here, too. It’s best that I’m further from the action. They can’t hear me when I fail at keeping my mouth shut. I’m sitting on one of those cushions with the attached back. There’s no one sitting in front of me, so my feet are up. I’ve got popcorn and an icy cold beer. Continue reading →
12
Jun 10
So That’s What A Dad Does
I just took this photo in our back yard. It reminds me of all the fun that was had around our house this week. Those drops of water are getting ready to slide down the tulip leaf. You can almost hear the drops saying, “WEEEE-EEE!” Just as I started this post, I took another look at that leaf and thought, “Geez, that looks just like the tongue that belongs to a kid who’s been sucking on a green popsicle.” And that, too, is appropriate for this week. While it wasn’t warm enough for popsicles, there was a whole lot of tongue wagging going on. They NEVER ran out of stuff to talk about. Continue reading →
9
Jun 10
The Narcissist’s Instincts
I woke to the sound of our cat crunching on her breakfast. We buy her the good stuff. I’m sure that’s why she’s so nice to us. Then I heard her claws click across the hardwoods as she made her way down the hall and across my bedroom. I heard that pause right before she jumped on my bed. She snuggled in for a morning nap after filling her belly. My bed sets beside a sliding glass door that looks out on the Poplar in the back yard. Just as the cat closed her eyes, I saw a Robin land on the shed roof next to the Poplar. The Robin was probably a teenager. It didn’t have the downy fluff of a new bird, and it didn’t have the red breast of a young adult. It had the speckles of an adolescent Robin that’s just learning to fly. Continue reading →
6
Jun 10
When To Break From the Herd
I like cooking more than baking. With cooking I can improvise. With baking I have to follow rules. I love cookbooks, and I have quite a few that I refer to. I look at cookbooks like I do catalogs. There are a lot of great ideas in catalogs, but I never buy anything. I read recipes to get ideas, and then I close the cookbook, run to the store and get the ingredients. I get home, put the skillet on the stove and wing it. Continue reading →
5
Jun 10
Sitting On The Sidelines
Sometimes I have wished that I could take the messy parts of life, put them in a cardboard box, seal the box with packing tape and put it on a high shelf in the garage. It isn’t realistic to send the box out with the trash. Oh, if we could just get a reprieve from thinking about that stuff. I’d label the box with a thick, black Sharpie - “Do Not Open Until Mentally Prepared to Deal”. The box would collect dust. I’d move it occasionally. I’d take it down and think I was ready to open it. I’d take a box cutter and slit the tape and just the opening of the top would let a vapor into the garage. The vapor would cloud everything, and I’d grab the tape and hurriedly seal the box back up. I’d put the box back on the shelf, wait for the vapor to dissipate and tell myself that in another couple weeks, I’d better be able to handle the contents of the box. Continue reading →
