Posts Tagged: the power in writing


21
Jan 17

Why I Didn’t March

Have you ever stood outside a narcissist’s man cave yelling at him that it’s time he helped with the laundry and took a turn at entertaining the kids, only to be told that that is woman’s work?

Have you stood in front of a narcissist, hands on your hips, telling him that you will no longer be ignored and that it’s time that your dreams were made a priority, too, only to hear him say, “But if you focus on my dreams, we’ll both be happy.”

Have you written the letter that says, “I’m done!  I will not live like this anymore!  For my sake, and for the good of this family, things have to change around this place,” and he responds with, “Geez, settle down.  Did you forget to eat breakfast again?”

 

Has screaming, yelling and demanding attention ever worked with a narcissist? Continue reading →


29
Jun 16

Here We Go Again … Or Not

here we go againI had planned to check out the third in the Harry Potter Series, but some lucky kid, who finds him or herself with long, empty summer days, got to it first.  Even with an ongoing list of books I’m dying to read, if I go to the library with one particular book in mind, it’s impossible for me to switch gears.  But since I can’t go home empty handed, I stopped to see what’s in the New Books.

 

__________

 

To preface things a bit, I must explain that I’ve believed in reincarnation since I was in high school.  I don’t remember why.  (I recently learned that INFJs struggle with remembering much of their childhood, and that certainly applies, in my case.)  Also, as an INFJ, I wasn’t influenced by a friend or a relative.  But in that way that INFJs have, I simply knew (more like felt) this belief in reincarnation and karma was right for me. Continue reading →


5
May 16

A Book Doesn’t Steal The Covers

A Book Doesn't Steal the CoversA book doesn’t care if you fold the laundry “correctly.”  A book doesn’t care what time you put dinner on the table.  As far as a book is concerned, you never have to sweep the floor.

A book doesn’t expect anything from you.  It doesn’t get mad at you if you have other projects to tend to.  A book contentedly waits for you to find a moment to return to it.  You can give it 100% of your attention, or let it set there, by the bed, for weeks, before opening it up again.  Either way, you aren’t in trouble.

A book doesn’t get jealous of your friends or your family or your successes or the other books you’ve read.  A book doesn’t continually remind you of your failings, unless it’s one of those preachy self-help books, but it’d be healthier to stay away from those books anyway.

A book never gives you the stink-eye, or the silent treatment.

A book doesn’t mind if you eat while reading it.  It doesn’t care if you dog-ear its corners, or smear a skosh of peanut butter on one of its pages, although the thought of that makes me cringe. Continue reading →


8
Aug 14

Random Thoughts at the Five Year Mark

starting overwow.

This blog is five years old.

wow.

 

Things have changed a lot in five years.  We not only survive, but we thrive on a mostly daily basis.  The health of my kids (and myself!) is testament to the power of connection, the awesomeness of being heard, the cathartic healing found in knowledge and the magic of friendship. Continue reading →


7
Mar 14

To Whom It May Concern

You’ve fortified your boundaries.  You carry the cheat sheet in your bag.  Your backbone is stronger than it’s been in years.  You have a teetering stack of journals that proves the value of writing out your thoughts.  Most days you’ve moved so far beyond those old hurts that you can’t even remember the specifics.

And then it happens again.

He says something that cuts to your very core.  That one button is pushed – the one that only he can push.  The button you thought you’d melted and discarded months ago.  How does he find it?

You get off the phone and you shake your head.  Maybe you shake your head hard enough to erase the thoughts from your brain.

  Continue reading →


22
Jan 14

Fanfare is for Narcissists

before it meltsFanfare is for narcissists.

That’s why – without all the folderol – I’m telling you that my books are available for free on Smashwords.com.   Visit my page on their site and click through to enter the codes*.

 


SMPath

Seeing My Path is a series of conversations I have with myself over a few road trips to a plateau outside the town where I live in Montana.  Sometimes humorous and often self-deprecating, the conversations are an assessment of some of the crappy choices I’ve made.  The convo progresses to the wake-up call that sends me in a new healthy direction.  I’m still heading in that direction today.  (Thankfully.)

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code LU97P for Seeing My Path.

 

wghhsmcover

Words Got Her Home is a compilation of quotes and pictures that motivated me to get off the old path and stay on this new one.  It’s a quick read that I still refer to on some of my “down” days.

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code RN36H for Words Got Her Home.

 

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, I think you’ll enjoy the books.

I’ve been on this path for awhile.  I’ve learned a lot about narcissism – enough to help myself and my kids learn to live a thriving life even while still dealing with narcissism.

It’s my goal to help others dealing with narcissism – especially kids.

The codes will be effective until February 22.

Please.

Get the books.

I hope they shed some light and encourage you on your path.

Thank you for being here.

 

*You can either visit smashwords.com and search for Jesse Blayne, or click on my page.

 


18
Nov 13

What Happened to Christmas?

december snow“What happened to Christmas?”

“Don’t you mean, ‘What happened to Thanksgiving?’  Didn’t there used to be a holiday somewhere in there between Jack O’ Lanterns and Christmas trees?  You remember, don’t you?  That holiday that brought everyone together for turkey and pie.”  Basil pours a cup of coffee and hands it to Gladys.

Margaret slides the pie server under another piece, “Oh, I always did love Thanksgiving.  I think that holiday was my favorite.”

Jon rolls to a stop on his skateboard, “My fav was Christmas.  Yeah….  for a kid of divorced parents, Christmas rules.  All their guilt turns into way too many Christmas presents for me.  Gotta love that.”

“Jon, dear, you know that isn’t what Christmas is about, don’t you?”  Margaret hands Jon a sliver of pie. Continue reading →


10
Oct 13

When the Narcissist Sees His Own Flaws in His Children

mirrored leaves“Underlying all of the constant campaigning needed to uphold this position is a profound vulnerability that lies at the very core of his psyche. Such is the narcissist who must mask his fears of inadequacy by ensuring that he is perceived to be a unique and brilliant stone. In his offspring he finds the grave limits he cannot admit in himself. And he will stop at nothing to make certain that his child continually tries to correct these flaws. In actuality, the child may be exceedingly intelligent, but has so fully developed feelings of ineptitude that he is incapable of believing in his own possibilities.”

 – Joshua Braff, The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green



7
Oct 13

The List of Lessons

list of lessonsShe drew a thick black line down the center of a sheet of unlined paper.  On the left she wrote the names of people she’s known.  Some no longer played an active role in her life, and some impact her life on a daily basis.  Some stand in the periphery.  Others are knocking at her front door, and some sleep in the rooms at the back of her house.

They all carry clipboards full of notes.

A lot of the names appear on her Christmas card list.  It might be the woman she’d had coffee with on a daily basis in college, but now she was hard-pressed to remember the woman’s adult children’s names.  It might be the guy she’d lived with in college who made it hard for her to look her grandfather in the eye because of the whole “living in sin” thing.

 

The left column listed names of individuals – all of whom left a print on her life. Continue reading →


13
May 13

My Elevator Pitch

 

I’m on my way to a dentist appointment.  I’m wearing a cotton skirt, sandals, a faded denim blouse and a smile.  I can’t remember the last time I wore nylons or had a manicure.  I’m thinking about how much more garden I have to turn up before we get to start planting. I make a mental note to stop at the hardware store after the dentist.  I’ll get washers to fix the hose, check out the bedding plants and grab a bag of briquettes.  It’s warm enough for burgers on the grill tonight.  The sun tea should be ready in time for dinner.

The elevator doors close and a woman in a tailored business suit turns, looks me up and down and says, “So what do you do?”

“Hi.

Um.

Well…

I guide two outstanding young people through the minefield of dealing with a narcissistic parent.   I homeschool, practice living on a budget, and work from home.  I wrote a couple motivational books for those in difficult relationships, and I’m working on a novel.  I blog about narcissism to shed light on NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).    Through stories and pictures, I show how good life can be when brave steps are taken to leave an abusive relationship.  Creativity, humor and harmony are on my list of priorities, right after my kids, reading and sleep.  I drink too much coffee and try not to take myself too seriously.

Thanks for asking.

What do you do?”

The doors opened.  As she stepped one heel out of the elevator, she looked over her shoulder and said, “Are you hiring?”

 

 

 


1
Mar 13

Help In The Night

She wanted to switch on the light, but she didn’t dare wake him.  On those sleepless nights, if the moon wasn’t too bright, she could see stars through the skylights above their bed.  Maybe one day, when she was free to pursue her own interests, she’d learn the constellations – Cassiopeia, Orion and the others.  The names made her think of possibility.

Possibility was what she needed to believe in right now.

Was it possible to feel good again?

Was it possible to create a healthier life – better than this life full of fears and disappointments and anger?

She gently turned back the covers and stepped out of bed.  She had tiptoed down the stairs enough times in the dark to feel her way down without bumping into anything.  Once downstairs, she could turn on a light, slide out the drawer in the office desk, and reach into the back for a small, innocent-looking spiral notepad.  The pages were worn.  The pad was almost full.  She had turned down corners on pages that held the notes that touched her most deeply. Continue reading →


23
Feb 13

Words Got Her Home

Motivational words to create change.

Mantras, prayers, meditations, famous quotes,
personal Post-Its, and journal entries –
these are the words I used to move on
and create a better future for myself and my kids.

This new ebook is a compilation of the powerful words
that made a difference in our lives.

 

Find Words Got Her Home on Smashwords.com or Amazon.com.

 

Thanks for reading!


15
Feb 13

Words Got Her Out

A few more boxes to pack and load into the car and she’d be done.

She thumbed through magazine clippings that had been filed in an office drawer.   Some clippings dated back to her college years – that dreamy phase of, “When I grow up and marry, I hope my kitchen has …..”

There were clippings of herb gardens, bathroom paint colors in sage and mint, examples of open shelves instead of upper cabinets for the ideal kitchen, and nursery ideas.

__________

Her girlfriends thought she was crazy for not wanting upper kitchen cabinets.  She loved how open shelving prevented her from collecting junk. Continue reading →


23
Jan 13

Letter of Resignation

Dear Narcissist,

We resign as caretakers.

We will no longer protect you, make excuses for your behavior or come to your defense.  We will not sweep your abuses under the rug.  We will not pretend like your treatment is acceptable.

We will not allow you to manipulate us or control us.

You will not hurt us again.

We will not feel sorry for you.

I will not coach your children on what to say to you in order to keep the peace.  I will point out your behaviors to make sure that the children understand that they are not to be blamed for your mistreatment.

We will not cater to you, tiptoe around you or deal with your mood swings.

We will not allow you to make us feel inferior.

 

We are good enough.

 

We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.

 

We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.

 

We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.

 

Signed,

Jesse, Will and Jenny

 

 

*Survivors,

You may be thinking that by now we would have successfully moved on.  Just yesterday I heard myself coaching Will on what not to say to his father over the phone.  After almost seven years, I still fall into the trap of protecting the narcissist.


15
Jan 13

The Jigsaw Puzzle

She was too exhausted to untie the bundle.  He stood next to her and excitedly pulled at the bow that was wrapped tightly around the four corners of the blanket.  His hands were shaking.  He fumbled a bit, but the blanket fell open to reveal the most precious gift.  He gently placed the baby in her arms.  They didn’t notice the green organza bag that fell out of the blanket to the floor.

They cooed at the baby while the nurse placed the green bag inside an overnight bag.

__________

A couple days later a tired, happy, new mom unpacked the overnight bag.  Inside she found the shiny green bag.  Was it a gift from the hospital?  In her exhaustion, had she forgotten who’d brought her this unusual gift?  She opened the bag to find seven brightly colored pieces from a jigsaw puzzle.  Surely there was a puzzle somewhere that was missing important pieces.  Who could this belong to?

She was too tired to sort out the mystery, so she placed the green bag on the shelf above the changing table. Continue reading →