Posts Tagged: the power in writing

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting — 12 Comments
23
Jan 13

Letter of Resignation

Dear Narcissist,

We resign as caretakers.

We will no longer protect you, make excuses for your behavior or come to your defense.  We will not sweep your abuses under the rug.  We will not pretend like your treatment is acceptable.

We will not allow you to manipulate us or control us.

You will not hurt us again.

We will not feel sorry for you.

I will not coach your children on what to say to you in order to keep the peace.  I will point out your behaviors to make sure that the children understand that they are not to be blamed for your mistreatment.

We will not cater to you, tiptoe around you or deal with your mood swings.

We will not allow you to make us feel inferior.

 

We are good enough.

 

We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.

 

We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.

 

We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.

 

Signed,

Jesse, Will and Jenny

 

 

*Survivors,

You may be thinking that by now we would have successfully moved on.  Just yesterday I heard myself coaching Will on what not to say to his father over the phone.  After almost seven years, I still fall into the trap of protecting the narcissist.

Random Observations / Stories — 15 Comments
15
Jan 13

The Jigsaw Puzzle

She was too exhausted to untie the bundle.  He stood next to her and excitedly pulled at the bow that was wrapped tightly around the four corners of the blanket.  His hands were shaking.  He fumbled a bit, but the blanket fell open to reveal the most precious gift.  He gently placed the baby in her arms.  They didn’t notice the green organza bag that fell out of the blanket to the floor.

They cooed at the baby while the nurse placed the green bag inside an overnight bag.

__________

A couple days later a tired, happy, new mom unpacked the overnight bag.  Inside she found the shiny green bag.  Was it a gift from the hospital?  In her exhaustion, had she forgotten who’d brought her this unusual gift?  She opened the bag to find seven brightly colored pieces from a jigsaw puzzle.  Surely there was a puzzle somewhere that was missing important pieces.  Who could this belong to?

She was too tired to sort out the mystery, so she placed the green bag on the shelf above the changing table. Continue reading →

Random Observations — 6 Comments
20
Nov 12

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Thank you for blessing me with Will and Jenny.  Their presence is proof that I deserve good in my life.

 

Thank you for presenting me with the lessons I need.  Thanks, also, for your patience while I re-learn a lot of those lessons.

 

Thank you for knowing how much I can handle, and for not dumping it on me all at once.

 

Thank you for leaves to rake, fresh air to breathe, snowflakes to anticipate and the change in the seasons.

 

Thank you for each new quiet morning, the fullness of the day, and the tranquility of night.

 

Thank you for not taking me too seriously, and for not laughing at me when I do.

 

Thank you for friends – those who’ve come and gone and left their mark, and those who’ve stayed for the long haul.

 

Thank you for family and their impact on our lives.

 

Thank you for giving second, third and fourth chances so that I may continue to try and get it right.

Child of Narcissist / Guest Posts / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / Seeing My Path / Stories — 5 Comments
16
Nov 12

When Your Best Friend is a Narcissist

Best friends have tea together.Guest Post by Anonymous

 

At the age of 12, she didn’t know why she cared so much about her friend, the one who was a notorious mean girl.  The one who played the games that mean girls do…  She didn’t understand why that friend mattered so much to her, even more than those she had known forever, even more than the ones who had proven themselves to be kind, caring girls….

She didn’t understand until nearly a quarter of a century later why that person seemed “right” – seemed familiar….  In the two years before she ended the friendship with her narcissistic friend, she often questioned herself, “Why do I even care so much about someone I don’t respect, someone that has hurt me so many times?”

She didn’t put two and two together, that the friend who called her names and ignored her, was a lot like her dad, who shamed her and ignored her. Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Random Observations / Tools — 1 Comment
1
Nov 12

Stopping the Noise

autumn leaves and a watering canStop for a minute and look around you.

Let your eyes fall on something you would normally ignore.

Focus on the negative space that surrounds a Starbucks go cup.  Notice the way the arm of a chair curves to meet the seat.  Appreciate the pressed corners of the collar on a charcoal grey wool coat.

See the color of the cement when it’s wet.  Try to think of the name of the color of a curled leaf.  Is it amber?  Is it burnt umber?

  Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Guest Posts / Parenting / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 31 Comments
18
Oct 12

The Tyranny of Narcissism

 

Guest Post by Zaira

Tyranny is unjust, harsh, oppressive, and abusive, but most importantly, it lacks legitimacy.  This describes my marriage and continues to be my experience with the Narcissist.  If you have been involved with a narcissist, I am sure you can relate to counting the days until you are completely free to cut all communications.

I am hoping to survive the next 8 years and 4 months without going completely broke or found guilty in contempt of court.   He has promised both of these gifts to me.

There was a time, shortly after I left him, that he tried to convince me that we could work it out.  Every poem, flower delivery, and byline of “I love you” made my stomach cringe.  I recognized that person from a distant memory – the one who wooed and impressed me so long ago.  The harder he tried, the worse the nausea got.  There was something punching me from the inside screaming to be strong and end it.  It knew he was lying then.  I knew he was lying then… playing a part to save face.  Now I am reminded often that I was right.

Here is a snippet of what I receive now in my Inbox:

“An interesting email, however you sound like a bad campaign speech.  You have not answered a single question and spout unfounded accusations.” Continue reading →

Parenting / Stories — 23 Comments
30
Jul 12

Mom, Why Would Somebody Hack Your Site?

“You guys, the site was hacked.”

“What do ya mean?”

“Somebody found a way to get into the site and change the coding.”

“How do ya know?”

“Aunt Pat called.  She said she tried to open a post through Google Reader and the link to the post said something about Viagra.  The Google search results are saying the site may be compromised.”

“What’s Viagra?”

“It’s a prescription a man might take to make his penis hard.”

“Why would a guy do that?”

“So he can have sex, I guess.”

“You need a prescription to have sex?”

“Nevermind.”

 

“So what are you gonna do?”

“I’ll have to fix it.  Maybe it’s time to start over.”

“But mom, the blog has helped you and us and other people.  You’ve been working on that for three years.”

“It’ll be okay, mom.  You lead a charmed life, remember.”

“Thanks, guys, but you don’t need to worry about this.  This is my thing to sweat about.”

“It’ll be okay, mom.  I just know it.”

 

“Mom, you know that stuff you were saying about Mercury in Retrograde?  Is it that?”

“It fits, dontcha think.”

 

“Why would somebody want to put Viagra on your site?”

“I dunno, honey.”

 

“Why would somebody hack your site?”

“I dunno.”

 

“That’s dumb.”

 

“That’s mean.”

 

“I know.”

Moving On / Quotes — 10 Comments
26
Jul 12

Finish Each Day

 

Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit
to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

 

Moving On / My Minimalism / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 17 Comments
14
Jun 12

The Best Kind of Party

Planning life like you would plan a partyGrab a pen.  We’re going to plan a party.

Really.

This’ll be fun.

What if you planned your life like you would plan the ultimate party?

Wait….  don’t tell me you hate planning parties.  That’s probably because you think that you have to invite certain people, serve particular foods and drinks, provide a sparkling evening that will please everyone and clean up the mess when it’s over. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Stories / The Bartender — 5 Comments
22
May 12

Trees Need Wind

trees need windA guy walks into a bar…

On his way to finding his favorite stool, he looks around to see if he recognizes any faces.  He waves at Joe, who is sitting in his usual corner, tie undone, disheveled hair, two empties and a new beer in front of him.

He could go talk to Joe, but he knows all the stories.  Joe will bemoan the fact that he works harder than anyone else.  He’ll mention – again – that his wife has threatened to leave him.  He’ll wonder why his kids want to have nothing to do with him.

The guy doesn’t need to be the shoulder today, so he smiles at Joe and moves on.

He sees Ellen in the corner, snuggling up to a new victim.  She hikes her skirt up a bit to show more leg as she sips her chardonnay.  The victim has yet to learn that Ellen uses up men at the same pace that she sips her wine.  The guy walks by their table just as Ellen leans her shoulders back in an effort to let her blouse fall open just enough. Continue reading →

Parenting / Quotes — 6 Comments
6
May 12

Anything Can Be


Listen to the Mustn’ts
Listen to the mustn’ts, child
Listen to the don’ts
Listen to the shouldn’ts
The impossibles, the won’ts
Listen to the never haves
Then listen close to me–
Anything can happen, child
Anything can be. 

-Shel Silverstein
 
 
Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 15 Comments
4
May 12

On Enjoying the Ride

Imagine how sweet this journey would be if we quit second-guessing every one of our decisions.  What if we reveled in the things that went well for longer than we stewed over the things that went wrong.

We’d more easily live in the moment, if we quit beating ourselves up over how we mishandled the last moment.

 

Potholes Along the Way

Festering, lingering, dwelling on the difficult does not help us learn the lesson better; it keeps us in a holding pattern and prevents the arrival of new lessons. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 15 Comments
21
Feb 12

On Determination and the Power in Words

which ones words hold power?Sitting on the cold pew, with the stiff lace collar scratching the tender skin of her neck, she glanced sideways to see them reading those black books.  She assumed there must be power in the words since they gathered together every Sunday to read from the same book.

She doubted how much power could be in those tiny black letters on the filmy pages since there were hardly any pictures mixed in.

It was when they stood to sing that she felt a surge of energy.  The people seemed lighter when they were singing – less dreary.  Were the words in the songs more powerful, or did the music imbue the words with magic?

__________

When she learned to read, she discovered the magic found in words and books.  She claimed a favorite corner in the school library – the only one with a window.  She’d sit in the quiet with a stack of books and inhale the scent of library dust, which smelled nothing like ordinary house dust which she’d scattered to new corners with a Pledge-soaked cloth. Continue reading →

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