This is the beginning. This is where I start to sort out what it means to survive narcissism. I am still coming out on the other side of this relationship. I’m not sure anyone knows how long it takes to make sense of the experience. Maybe I will always attempt to make sense of it. But with lots of humor and the help of great friends, I’m beginning to see what I’ve learned, and what I continue to learn about why I ended up in a relationship with a narcissist.
Now I can say that it continues to be an entertaining journey. I’m not sure I would say that if I hadn’t gotten out. When I was in the relationship, I was too busy looking at the trees to see the forest. From this new perspective, the forest isn’t scary anymore. And the trees weren’t that difficult to cut down. I’m braver than I thought I could be. Now I can see that those trees were comical, not menacing. I’m sure it sounds crazy when I say the trees were comical, but if I hadn’t laughed at the bizarreness of those episodes, I’d still be there, struggling for my next breath.
I gained a lot of confidence from educating myself about this disorder. This blog helps me to vent, make sense of, laugh at, and maybe even help someone else. This blog will not be clinical, or negative, or cynical. There is a time when a survivor needs to commiserate, and feel sad, and lick wounds. This blog is about how crazy, funny, insane and ridiculous it is to live with a narcissist. It is that humor that made me realize that my relationship was not normal. His behavior was too strange. It was not because I continued to screw up. His behavior WAS NOT NORMAL. I’ve got a lot of stories. Maybe those stories will shed some new light on this disorder. At any rate, it’s always good to share stories with other survivors. There’s nothing quite like that moment when a survivor looks at you and knows exactly what you are talking about because they’ve been there. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of having all this craziness understood by another in a way that only happens if that person has experienced the same thing.
Revision (2/5/10)
I just reread this post…
Who was I kidding? While this blog isn’t clinical, it is at times negative, somewhat cynical, and definitely sarcastic. I’m still packing my chainsaw, just in case.
Tags: divorce, humor, life, narcissism, narcissistic behavior, NPD
I really like this website. I am currently going through a divorce was a “N”, and while I am happy that I am getting out of this situation it is still very daunting. I have a 5, 3, and 1 month old baby and he walked away from us like we don’t even exist anymore. He’s living with another woman and won’t even be honest about it.
I tried to call and talk to his family and his mother told me she doesn’t believe anything that I am telling her, she is mad at me for divorcing her son, and she thinks I am mentally challenged.
So on days like today it is nice to read this blog and not feel crazy or alone.
Thanks for posting this. I am just coming out of a three year very crazy bizarre relationship with a narcissist….so bizarre I could not even see how bizarre it was.
Deanna,
Welcome. Glad you found us. You know that we know how you feel.
Jesse
I had no idea I was in love with a narcissist until I started to realize that this relationship was so unhealthy, I was in the emergency room 3 times within a year with anxiety and panic. My body was shutting down because I was not allowed to be myself in this one-sided relationship. It was devastating that this man had no regard for me or even valued what I brought to this relationship. I was with this man for 4 years off and on and then when we finally got together and I moved in with him, did he show his true colors. After I finally left and picked myself up from this fake relationship, I got a call from him telling me that his teenage son, whom I loved very much, committed suicide. I am still picking myself up off of the ground from what this man did to me. These people need help.
Denise,
I’m glad you found us. I hope you find some comfort here. I completely agree with you, that these people need help. However, I don’t believe that a narcissist ever comes to the point of realizing that they need help.
Jesse