I call myself Jesse Blayne. I use a pseudonym because I live in a small town, and I write a lot about my ex-husband and narcissism.
And I’m a chicken.
In 2009 I started blogging about my experiences with narcissism.
I wrote out of anger and desperation. I was trying to prove that I wasn’t the one who was crazy. I was trying to convince myself that my failed marriage wasn’t all my fault.
Then some kind people – like you – found my blog.
They said things like:
“OMG, I’m not the only one!”
“My husband does the same things, and I thought it was all my fault.”
“I’m so glad I found someone who knows exactly what I’ve been going through.”
I found a group of folks that I could connect with, and things started to make sense.
I found encouragement, understanding, humor and camaraderie.
That was then, this is April of 2016…
Why am I still writing about narcissism? When does the surviving turn to thriving? Are you really ever going to move on? Aren’t you hanging on to the past by continuing to write about your ex?
Those are the questions I get asked by people closest to me, and this is what I tell them:
- I continue to write about narcissism in the hopes of helping those who may stumble upon this blog. I remember the confusion and desperation of a narcissistic relationship, as if it happened yesterday. I know the need to understand if I was the crazy one – if everything that was wrong was all my fault.
- I’ve illustrated that Jen and Will and I are thriving more days than not. Some days thriving looks a little different than others. It’s a messy journey with more detours than I ever imagined. I write of our little successes as a way to give hope.
- Yes! I am moving on! For me that means turning those difficult years into a positive by sharing our story and potentially helping others get to their own point of moving on.
- And I continue to write about my ex because he continues to be a thorn in my side … well, in the kids’ sides. I don’t have much to do with the ex, but my kids deal with him, and I’m here for them. I write about it because so many folks parent with a narcissist.
So, what’s going on here?
In the beginning, I came up with fake names. Jen and Will are my kids. Wait… they’re way more than that. They are my life coaches, guides, cohorts, comic relief, fellow travelers and role models. Mark was the name I picked for the ex. More recently, I’ve found other ways to refer to him, and I rarely use the name, Mark. ;)
The stories of the Spirit Guides came to me when I was wondering what it would be like to have guidance from the other side. What if they could share their wisdom and experience and shed a little light on the crap we deal with on this side?
The bartender series is sort of like the Spirit Guides. Hank, the bartender, is a trusted, wise old soul who dishes out advice and cold beers. (I secretly have a crush on Hank.)
INFJ and the Narcissist is a continuing story of the dynamics of that all-too-common pairing.
I ramble a lot and not all of it has to do with narcissism. Some has to do with homeschool or cherished recipes, or parenting. Some posts are about my attempts at relationships since divorce, and the self-care made necessary by my failed attempts at those relationships. (I guess that’s part of moving on.)
This blog depicts the typical roller coaster life – my roller coaster. I believe there are more highs than lows, although your definition of a high is probably different than mine. But if nothing else, maybe my lows will help you realize that your lows aren’t as low as you thought, and perhaps that’s why our paths have crossed. ;)
I’m glad you are here.
I hope you find some comfort and make some friends.
Contact me – JesseBlayne (at) gmail (dot) com.
Or find me on Twitter – @JesseBlayne.
Oh, and I wrote a couple books. One is about getting out of the relationship with the narcissist, and the other is about the quotes and good words that got me to a better place. I’m currently (well, when I’m not cleaning up the messes I make) working on a mystery for kids.