You’ve fortified your boundaries. You carry the cheat sheet in your bag. Your backbone is stronger than it’s been in years. You have a teetering stack of journals that proves the value of writing out your thoughts. Most days you’ve moved so far beyond those old hurts that you can’t even remember the specifics. Continue reading →
Cabin fever makes me cut my hair, even though the results from the last seven home haircuts were arguable. The money I save from not getting a professional cut is diverted to gas for trips to the ski hill where I wear a hat and no one would see my fabulous haircut anyway. Continue reading →
and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for -
in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car,
and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.” - Ellen Goodman
Forty years later, we’ll step off that hamster wheel and wonder if it’s worth it. We’ll turn to our kids and start to say, “Hey, I dunno if this is such a good idea.”
They won’t hear us over the din of their own spinning wheels.
She hammers at a sunflower seed to expose the nut inside. “I know, right? I wasn’t sure I could lower my body temp much more. You figure Mother Nature is on a holiday somewhere? Maybe she left town and forgot to turn up the heat.”
“Oh, that sun feels good. We might get a chance to thaw out a bit before the next storm moves through.”
“Yes, I should think the humans will have a chance to restock the feeders. We better fill up our caches while we can.”
Stretching his wings and fanning his feathers, “I know. But we’ve earned this thaw. We can spare a few minutes to just soak up some sun and sing without having to worry about anything.”
I heard them this morning outside my window. The sun lit their stage. Pillows of snow topped the roofs of their houses. They were singing and chirping as if they’d feared they’d never warm up enough to sing again.
I stood for a minute and listened. They sounded frantic and excited and optimistic – like kids when the temps raise enough to go out and sled without the fear of windchill temps on a wet face after a face-plant.
And then they quieted for a moment.
Tucking in his wings and hopping closer to his companion, “So… if the humans begin to come out, does that mean the cat will be out again, too?”
And then the chirping and singing crescendoed.
A child’s world is full of boundaries – boundaries designed to keep her out of harm’s way and help her get along in society. Continue reading →
Jen laughed and said, “Oh! I will.”
“Tell me about him. What’ll he be like?”
Swinging her skis she said, “Well, he’ll listen to me. And he’ll be interested in me.”
“Oh, that’s good. That would be nice. What else?”
“He’d read a lot, but also be interested in working on projects with me. And he’d be funny, but not embarrassing funny. He’d put up with a mess and not yell.”
Our skis were swinging together as we continued to climb.
“So mom, tell me who you’d pick to be your dad next time.”
“Oh, like you, I guess. He’d listen and be interested in me. He’d read and be funny. I’d like him to be kind and compassionate. He’d appreciate craft projects and art and still hunt and fish. He’d be nice to kids and old people and animals.”
Jenny looked at me and said, “Oh yeah! He’d have to be nice to animals. What else?”
“Well, he’d understand that family is more important than work and that relationships come first.”
I looked at Jen, “Would you care what your dad looked like?”
“Nah, I don’t think it matters, do you?”
“No, it doesn’t, but I don’t want him to be too clean. Know what I mean?”
Jen flinched, “Oh ick. I know what you mean. Yeah, not too clean.”
As we approached the top of the lift, we scooted forward to the edge of the chair to get ready to ski off. I laughed, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Wait. I’m not sure if I’m describing a dad or a partner.”
We skied down the off-ramp and Jen yelled, “They are a lot the same!”
That’s why – without all the folderol – I’m telling you that my books are available for free on Smashwords.com. Visit my page on their site and click through to enter the codes*.
Seeing My Path is a series of conversations I have with myself over a few road trips to a plateau outside the town where I live in Montana. Sometimes humorous and often self-deprecating, the conversations are an assessment of some of the crappy choices I’ve made. The convo progresses to the wake-up call that sends me in a new healthy direction. I’m still heading in that direction today. (Thankfully.)
When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code LU97P for Seeing My Path.
Words Got Her Home is a compilation of quotes and pictures that motivated me to get off the old path and stay on this new one. It’s a quick read that I still refer to on some of my “down” days.
When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code RN36H for Words Got Her Home.
If you’ve enjoyed this blog, I think you’ll enjoy the books.
I’ve been on this path for awhile. I’ve learned a lot about narcissism – enough to help myself and my kids learn to live a thriving life even while still dealing with narcissism.
It’s my goal to help others dealing with narcissism – especially kids.
The codes will be effective until February 22.
Get the books.
I hope they shed some light and encourage you on your path.
Thank you for being here.