I heard this the other night and I immediately asked if I could use it. I’ve been thinking about how well it would tie into the next post I was planning to write. Just now I realized that this is worthy of a stand-alone piece.
Let me say, first of all, that I know that the world is populated with really good men. A lot of those good men also happen to be good fathers and good husbands. My brother and step-brothers, my cousins’ husbands, husbands of friends — all of them are stellar examples of fine men. They are the get-down-on-the-floor and play, bath-giving, diaper-changing, nose-wiping, up-in-the-middle-of-the-night kind of fully involved dads. And they are the kind of men who see that marriage is a partnership that requires lots of sacrifice and compromise. I know that a good man is not a mythical creature.
Having said that, I still wonder how it is that I managed to marry a Narcissist when there are some damn fine men out there. I know all the factors that steered me in the direction of Mark. No point in beating myself up about it.
The kids and I are looking forward to ski season. When I met Mark, I was the more avid skier. He was eager to get out and do more downhill skiing, so we enjoyed several ski seasons together before Will was born. I’ve heard the stories, and seen firsthand, how there are husbands out there who take turns. They actually opt to skip out on fishing or hunting or skiing trips because they have children. Mark was of the mind set that the raising of the children was my job. And on the weekends, it was still my job. There was never any discussion about the possibility of skipping a day of skiing or, heaven-for-bid, babysitting Will so that I might hit the slopes. It was just understand that when children are introduced into the relationship, the wife’s life changes, but the husband’s remains the same.
Recently Will was asking me why it is that I never go fishing anymore. Apparently, Mark kindly pointed out that when I used to be fun, I would actually go fishing. I explained that I used to enjoy flyfishing a lot. In fact, his father and I took up the sport together. Then I went on to explain that when Will was born, it fell on me to stay with the kids so that Mark could still fish. Jenny is now getting to the age where we could all fish together. But it’s been a lot of years, and I’m a little rusty on my casting. I’m going to find a good way to explain to Will and Jenny that there are men out there who take turns. That means that sometimes the whole family goes fishing, and the dad hangs with the kids a bit while the mom fishes, and then the mom hangs with the kids. You get the picture. It’s a novel concept. But, I’ve heard that it works.
That’s why I loved the comment that I heard from a new friend, the other night. She’s been divorced for about 8 years. I don’t know her well enough to know the details. I know her enough to know that she’s not the type to sit around and rant about her ex. She’s funny and smart and she has a great attitude. She seems like she’s moved on and is doing quite well. However, her ex recently reappeared and is causing her problems. While explaining how she’s handling the situation, she referred to her ex as her wasband.
Tags: divorce, humor, life, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, survive
