Surviving Narcissism Exploring life after marriage to a narcissist. Learning and thriving by sharing our story. – Jesse Blayne

Have you ever had stuff in storage? Do you pay monthly rent on a storage unit?  Do you stuff boxes in an attic or on a garage shelf only to forget what is in the box, and then have to dig through to reacquaint yourself with your own belongings?

On June 23rd I put most of my life in storage.  That’s an analogy.  I didn’t really box everything up, label the boxes with a Sharpie, stuff the boxes on the highest shelf and turn the key on a lock that would keep ‘my stuff’ safe.

I had recently switched how my little house gained access to the internet, tried to limit how much we watched TV, and ditched the landline.  I was attempting to save us some money, while still allowing us access to the things we love and can learn from, without the possibility of turning little impressionable minds into jello with all the stuff we’d been watching on TV.

On June 23rd, we were ten days into our new internet plan, and we’d surpassed our allotted budget of internet usage by $100.  Yep.  I didn’t do a real great job on my homework.  This new plan didn’t account for how much we use the internet for learning, video streaming, Googling interesting videos on the best dogs for kids, how to design fashions for Barbie, or even watching The Jetsons.

It was a bozo move on my part.

We put a halt to all unnecessary internet usage until I could find a new option.

Whew!

And then a good friend came to town for a two week visit.

And then another good friend moved back to town.

We unplugged.  We walked a dog.  We drew smiling faces on the driveway with chalk.  We ate out at nice restaurants.  We sat in the shade and visited.  We read books and pulled weeds and walked along the river.  We went to a matinee and barbecued and had sleepovers.  We learned to play Screwy Louie and skunked each other in cribbage.  Will through a line in the creek and tried to catch dinner.  Jenny got a pedicure with grandma.  Lots of fun was had, stories were swapped and wine was opened.

The out-of-town friend took his dog and went home, and the friend who moved back is getting settled.

Now what?

I’m standing in front of a giant jump rope.  Each end of the rope is turned by the kids.  Jenny is spinning one end and Will is spinning the other.  I’ve got my hands up to mimic the motion of the rope.  I’m timing when I should jump in.

And I’m wondering if I should jump in.

And then I think about unpacking my life.  If I’ve been living quite nicely these last few weeks without the stuff that fills my usual routine, I have to wonder how much of that routine I really need to keep?  Maybe if I think of keeping the stuff of my routine in a box on a shelf in the garage, it won’t be so difficult to part with it.

Here’s what I’d like to keep in storage:

• The obsession with checking blog stats several times a day.  Once a week should tell me if I’m on track.
• The need to continually peek in on Twitter.  I’ll still check in, but I won’t feel compelled to go back to where I left off.  My life won’t be terribly diminished if I don’t keep up on what all the ‘cool kids’ are doing every minute of the day.
• The need to read every blog post that comes across my laptop.  Sometimes I’m a third of the way through reading a post, and I realize I’m only reading because I think I should, not because I’m interested or getting anything out of it.
• The compulsion to check email every time I walk by the laptop.
• The feeling that if I’m not working off of a list, I’m not being productive.

If I don’t need any of these things after six months, maybe I’ll decide I can toss them altogether.

And here’s what I’m going to unpack:

• Connecting regularly with friends and family both online and off.  If I haven’t gotten back to you, I will.
• Keeping up on the blog and working more diligently on the book.
• Reading regularly to the kids, preferably with lemonade, on lawn chairs, in the back yard.
• Coffee on the front step in the morning.

What would you take from your routine, pack in a cardboard box, and place on a high shelf in the garage?