Surviving Narcissism Exploring life after marriage to a narcissist. Learning and thriving by sharing our story. – Jesse Blayne

I’ve been writing on this blog for almost a year.  I remember the day I received my first comment.  “Will!  Jenny!  Someone actually commented on my blog!  They liked my blog enough to comment.  Someone read what I wrote!  You guys!  Isn’t that crazy/weird/awesome/scary/fantastic?”

And then I felt self-conscious.  I’m not sure why it didn’t occur to me to be self-conscious prior to receiving that first comment.  But a comment does mean that someone actually read the blog, rather than some sort of spambot stopping by and doing whatever it is spambots do.

And then I received another comment.

These comments were from complete strangers.  There were people out there, that I didn’t know, and they were reading  and taking the time to send encouraging words back.

It felt great.  Better than great.

I was connecting with people.  People were connecting with me.  I found a way to bond with complete strangers.  I found comfort in their words.  Their words made me think, and dig deeper.  Their words sparked new ideas for new posts.  Their words kept me writing when I was deep in a well, and couldn’t see light coming from above.

Their words made me feel like I wasn’t floating in a small lifeboat, by myself, on a stormy sea.  I had company in my boat – company with blankets, coffee, snacks, stories, words of encouragement, compasses and maps.  Their words acted like life vests.

Their words were Coleman Lanterns in a cavern, portholes in a tunnel, and flames to unlit candles.

The more I wrote, the more comments I received.

Some of my posts didn’t receive any comments, and then I would wonder if everyone had stopped reading.  Maybe they moved on to something more interesting.  I’d briefly wonder if I was back to floating my boat alone.

Then the next post would hit a collective nerve, and spark deeper discussions.

Family members, friends and complete strangers rallied around me and buoyed me up when I most needed it.

Other comments felt like making eye contact with a complete stranger at a cocktail party, introducing myself and discovering – after sharing a bit of history – how much we really had in common.

Some comments helped me see my situation from a new perspective.  These comments helped me to be objective or detached or less emotional and more clear-headed about where I had been, and more importantly, where I needed to go.

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I started this blog as a way to vent, process and work through the bizarreness of my failed marriage.  I didn’t anticipate receiving guidance, encouragement, wisdom, tenderness and thoughtfulness from family, friends and complete strangers.  Okay, I knew I would receive all kinds of support from my amazing family and friends, but not to the extent that I did.

Just this morning I read some of my first posts.  Sure, I cringed a little (a lot) and edited a few things.  My writing has matured some.  My perspective has changed dramatically.  I have experienced tremendous growth and healing in only twelve short months.  My kids have come so far.  Our goals (actually, my goals for our little family) of health, harmony and creativity are realized on a daily basis.

This growth has little to do with my writing, and everything to do with the outpouring of love and encouragement and understanding received by all of you marvelous folks that take the time out of your day to type your thoughts.

This isn’t just a flowery love letter.

This is a call to action.

You may be proud of your independence.  You may think you don’t need anyone.  But the truth is, none of us was meant to take this journey alone.

Maybe you aren’t comfortable bringing coffee cake to the little old lady who lives by herself at the end of the hall.  Maybe you can’t bring yourself to offer a shoulder to the woman, working in the next cubicle, whose husband is undergoing cancer treatments.  Maybe the guy you play poker with every other Friday night is going through a wicked divorce, but you don’t have a clue what to say.  Maybe your sister’s son is struggling with making friends, and you’d like to be there for him but you don’t know what to do.

Here’s your chance to share your experience, wisdom, intelligence, heart and love, without a lot of exposure or risk.

Comment on a blog.  Put yourself out there.  Do it anonymously, if that is more comfortable for you.

What is the point of getting all your experience, building all that character, reading all those books, and climbing all those mountains if you don’t share all that you’ve learned?

Think of the ripple effect.  Think of the small impact that can snowball and impact so many.

I look at how my life has changed.  I look at how my kids’ lives have changed.  These changes are a direct result of the impact of comments that were made on this little obscure blog.

It takes very little time.  It doesn’t require that you spend money.  It isn’t a lifelong commitment.

Find the words that come from your heart.  Type them in the comment section of a blog.  Send out your good words to the universe.

You may be pleasantly surprised at what the universe delivers back to you.