Scary is having your son’s 1st grade teacher ask you if there are problems at home that might explain your son’s nervous tic.
Scary is loosing contact with family and friends because your husband doesn’t like you to keep in touch over the phone or have company come for dinner.
Scary is not being able to sleep because you fear the treatment you’ll receive the next day because you will – once again – disappoint him and fail to meet his expectations.
Scary is believing that you have done something to bring about the treatment you are receiving.
Scary is staring out the window while sipping the morning’s first cup of coffee and realizing that the emptiness you feel every day is what you are going to feel for the rest of your life, if you don’t get out of this situation.
Scary is realizing you have forgotten who you are.
Scary is finally getting the courage to write him a letter explaining your fears and desperation, only to have him tell you that the issues are yours and he’ll support you in your efforts to fix them.
Scary is believing you don’t deserve any better.
Scary is knowing that your husband can’t see his own children for who they are, but tries to mold them into what he wants them to be.
Scary is knowing that if you stay, your children’s spirits will be snuffed out.
Scary is feeling so frightened and desperate that you pack your bags and leave the house you’ve lived in for thirteen years without having a backup plan.
Scary is knowing everyone thinks you are crazy for leaving such a wonderful person.
Scary is getting out, and fearing you’ll end up in another relationship with a narcissist.
Tags: child of narcissist, divorce, narcissism, narcissist behavior, narcissistic behavior, NPD, survive
That last sentence….*shutter*
What’s really scary is staying and living in that toxic environment. I’m happy for you and your kids that you’re on the other side now. Life is full of “scary,” but I would guess there’s not nearly so much of it these days for you three.
Z,
Yeah.
I know.
Pat,
Yep. Most the scary stuff is manageable now.
Sleeping well. No nervous tics. Breathing deeply.
So much less scary on this side. ;)
Bravery is knowing when to get out of a relationship that is going to suffocate both you and your children. You did what you had to do and you’ll all be better off for it. It took me half my marriage to realize my mother in law was ruining lives because she’s a narcissist. It’s taken me the other half to get my husband to realize she has a serious problem. Congratulations on discovering the toxicity in your life and getting out of it….you’re braver than you think :)
Jenn,
Thank you. ;)
It is my hope that those in similar situations come to know that it is not as scary on this side.
In fact, it takes more bravery to stay.
Sometimes we are pushed onto a path we never dreamed we would have to take.
I am so thankful for the kindness and prayers of others and the strength we have that has allowed the kids and me to persevere. It is not easy, but we are getting to the other side of “scary” one moment at a time.
It is such a comfort to read this blog. Thank you Jesse!
All the best to all of you . . .
Lynn,
And once we are on that new path, we learn what we are truly made of.
Hugs ;)
Beautiful post, Jesse, I am very proud of you for overcoming all that fear and making the brave move to leave, not knowing what was ahead. Real life begins after you release yourself from the N.
I thank God every day that I finally had the strength to walk away from my “friend” after 24 years.
“Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the entire staircase.”- Martin Luther King Jr.
**hugs**
NM,
You chose a most appropriate quote. ;)
Thank you.
Okay–the first and last lines broke my heart…I pray that your son is doing well.
And I applaud you for writing with so much honesty, not to mention the experience to back it up.
For some reason your closing line reminded me of the AA philosophy of “one day at a time.” Almost as if you have to remind yourself that even though you got out this time (and kudos to you for leaving so much behind for the sake of your mental health and your precious children), you’re one step away from the Narcissistic landmine.
When I finally get my shit together and make a Resource List for my private practice clients, I’m going to include a link for this wonderful blog.
Linda,
HELLO! From my perspective, you already have your shit together. ;)
I’m thrilled to say that we seldom see any nervous tics any more – a lot less anxiety and much more peace and contentedness around this little home.
I often say that – “one day at a time.” I’m not wearing blinders anymore, and while I’m mostly confident that I won’t get into another relationship with a narcissist, I am wary.
Thanks for your kind words about the blog.
p.s. Not sure why your comment ended up in spam. Duh. It’s SO NOT spam.