With their pinkies pointing at my face, they backed me up against the kitchen counter saying, “Pinky swear you aren’t the one bringing us presents on Christmas morning! Pinky swear to it!”
What could I do?
I could have continued the charade. I’ve come up with some pretty clever lines over the years – lines that have let my kids keep believing, but how much longer should I keep lying?
And because the Universe always brings me what I need, when I need it most, I’d read this post earlier in the day, and was a bit prepared.
Over a dinner of grilled ham and cheese and homemade apple pie, I answered questions – lots of questions.
I was honest.
I begrudgingly gave up the fairy tale.
Diehard Believers
I said, “So… you know how you’ve been asking all those questions about how does he get in if people don’t have a chimney; how does he make it around the whole world in one night; does he really watch everything we do all year long? Well… what do you think? Do you really think all that is possible? Does it make sense to you?”
They could tell by the look in my eyes that the jig was up.
And then the questions started flying.
Will said, “What about the year we heard him on the roof?” I said, “That was your imaginations wanting to believe so badly that you convinced yourselves that you heard reindeer hooves on the roof.” Jenny said, “Or else it was a squirrel.”
Jenny said, “What about the reindeer hoof prints on the sidewalk?” I said, “Did you really see prints on the sidewalk?” Will said, “Well, we did see where some of the oats and carrots and been eaten.” I said, “That was me, honey, in my bathrobe at midnight, standing on the sidewalk, chewing up carrots, spitting out bits, and moving the oats around so it’d look like the reindeer had been there.”
There was a pause while they processed.
It wasn’t long before Jenny said, “What about the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny?”
I smiled back at her and didn’t say anything while she got used to the idea.
Then she said, “What about Larry the Leprechaun?”
I said, “You mean the guy you blamed your haircut on? That’s me, too.”
Will said, “But mom, we have leprechaun shoes!” (Will isn’t going to go down without a fight.)
I said, “Honey, I made those.”
Will said, “Where do all the Santa letters go?”
The Evidence
I pulled out my Christmas Files and started reading from Christmases Past. I had saved all the letters they had penned to Santa. There was laughing and a couple tears as the understanding settled in.
We went over what they’d asked for and what they’d actually received.
Will said, “So mom… when I asked Santa for the expensive skis, what did you think?” I said, “Now do you know why I strongly suggested that you put a couple more options on your list?”
Jenny said, “Is that why, on the Christmas when I wanted a second kitty, I also asked for a maroon sweater?” I said, “We do have a small house, honey.”
Kids Are Resilient
A light bulb went off in the room and Jenny said, “Does that mean that when I wanna smack Will for bugging me, I can go ahead and do it now?”
Will said, “Now we don’t have to be so nice to each other, right?”
I said, “Hey, you guys… what about karma? What goes around comes around, right?”
Jenny said, “But mom, kids think about Santa more than they think about karma.”
___________
There were more questions as they talked of what they thought was true.
It took the course of the evening for their thinking to shift.
I asked Jenny how she was doing with finding out about the truth of Santa. She held her hands to her chest, as if to clutch at her heart and said, “Mom, you know… this is very difficult for me right now. This may take a while to sink in.” With a mischievous twinkle in her eye she said, “I really think another piece of apple pie would help.”
A moment later Will said, “You know, mom, I still wanna write letters to Santa every year.”
Oh, Jesse–What a beautiful, tender, and touching story. Wow–I feel honored to have a smidgeon of influence…though it was actually Dr. Susan Giurleo that inspired me.
Can I tell you that I have tears in my eyes re: this part:
Jenny said, “What about the reindeer hoof prints on the sidewalk?” I said, “Did you really see prints on the sidewalk?” Will said, “Well, we did see where some of the oats and carrots and been eaten.” I said, “That was me, honey, in my bathrobe at midnight, standing on the sidewalk, chewing up carrots, spitting out bits, and moving the oats around so it’d look like the reindeer had been there.”
Oh, the love and wonder of motherhood, childhood, and the gift of creativity and fantasy :).
I feel so blessed to have connected with you this year, Jesse. Your writing and story are so inspirational.
May you, Jenny, and Will have the most blessed Christmas holiday with the altered but no-less-important Santa spirit :).
Linda,
Thank you. ;) And I have SO enjoyed reading your blog and exchanging with you on Twitter this year.
You know, honestly, as much as it saddens me to see the passing of this phase where my two believe in Santa, more than anything I miss being able to refer to Norad Santa and say, “Hey, you guys! You better get to bed! Santa’s gonna be here soon!”
My little one still believes and I let him. It’s completely selfish. Oh yes, I don’t want him to lose hope when it’s something he has heard from classmates and he still insists HE exists. But it makes it a bit more of a magical time for me to play the part. AND he is not asking for me to own up! (thank goodness)
I appreciate that you were honest with them. Your kids are well prepped to carry on the tradition of munching on carrots themselves one day. :)
How absolutely precious! I can’t even imagine how difficult a decision that was.
Of course, you captured it with all the love and uncomfortableness that comes when you put your kids first.
LOL: Jenny said, “But mom, kids think about Santa more than they think about karma.”
You are an amazing mom. Thanks for letting us tag along in a loving and functional family.
Merry Christmas to Everyone!
Z,
They were doubting a couple years ago. I kept it up for as long as I could without feeling like I was out and out lying to them.
Hang on for as long as you can.
It’s bothering me more than it’s bothering them that they know now.
Donna,
Merry Christmas, dear. Thanks for always being so darned supportive. ;)
I ditto Donna’s sentiments! Well said and so true.
Have the merriest of holidays this season and wishing you all a bright and shiny new year!
Jesse,
You handled this awkward parenting moment–we all face at times–perfectly. My older children had their fantasy squashed very early because my ex refused to allow Santa in our Christmas–bah humbug. The older kids kept the story alive for my youngest by telling him I was one of Santa’s elves–he believed for many years–thankfully. So “secret Santa” has a unique meaning to my kids. : )
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2012 to you!!!
Thinking of you! ; )
Lynn,
Thanks for giving us a glimpse of the enormous hearts in your children.
Merry Christmas.
Wishing you and your family the best.
Z,
Have fun spoiling your little guy!
Merry, merry Christmas!