He Might Be A Narcissist If …

… before you were married, he said flattering things about the way you dressed and the clever way you put yourself together.  After marriage, he tells you how he never liked boots with skirts, and that you shouldn’t wear your hair short because it makes your face look full.

… he refuses to suggest that you spend a day doing something you’ve been talking about – something he knows you’ve been dying to do – until you beg him to go with you.

… he spends more time getting ready in the morning than you.  His lotions and potions take up more space in the bathroom than your creams, and he often smells more fragrant than you.

… before marriage he was convinced you did everything perfectly.   Now that you’ve been married for eight months you’ve mysteriously forgotten how to cook an egg, sweep a floor, make a proper bed or keep the car tidy.

… he says you spend too much time reading and not enough time watching the stuff he likes on T.V.


He’s Probably A Narcissist If …

… he’s convinced you like your family way too much.

… he doesn’t like his family at all.

… his three “friends” who appeared at the wedding haven’t resurfaced in the eight months you’ve been married.  When you ask of his friends, he complains that you are keeping him from spending time with them.

… none of the neighbors are good enough to invite over for cocktails.  There are few individuals that he believes are truly in his league.

… he has to put in all those extra hours at work because no one else is capable of handling things as well as he is.

… he’s never met a lawyer, accountant, architect, or doctor who knows how to do their job without him having to guide them.


He’s More Than Likely A Narcissist If …

… he believes children are to be spared the messiness of making mistakes.  They should learn from his mistakes in order to make life easier for him.

… he’s incapable of commenting about someone or something without the conversation turning back to him.  In a conversation with his daughter he might say, “Sally, that barrette looks pretty.  How do you think it would look in daddy’s hair?”  Then we can all giggle and laugh about how daddy would look so silly with a barrette in his hair.   Seriously?  Who cares how it would look in his hair, but he has to try anything to get the conversation back on him.

… he is next to you in bed – awake – listening to you cry.  Instead of asking you what has you troubled, he says, “Could you move to the spare bedroom?  I have to get up early for work in the morning.”

… he thinks he is entitled to write personal letters to young female employees, as part of his position as role model.

… you need his permission before buying a skirt or coloring your hair.


You Are Most Likely Dealing With A Narcissist If …

… he doesn’t particularly like women.

… he gives you the silent treatment if you dare to disagree with him.

… when you question him about your relationship, he ignores you for days.  When he’s done ignoring you, he’ll strike up a shallow conversation and act like nothing has happened.  He’ll act surprised if you mention that he was giving you the cold shoulder.

… he believes he is entitled to avoid answering your questions.  There will be hell to pay if you try to avoid answering his.


He Might Be A Narcissist If …

… he says,  “I have plenty of other things that require my time, but I have been patient enough to listen to you as you go on and on.  The least you could do is be interested in sex.”

… you can’t remember a time when you looked in his eyes and felt connected – even back before you were married when he led you to believe he liked you in boots and skirts.

… nobody would believe you if you told them what he’s like at home.

… he doesn’t know what to do when you aren’t feeling well so he stays away.

… at the end of almost every conversation with him, you find yourself thinking, “I’m fine.  Thanks for asking,” because he doesn’t ask of you or how you are doing. If you tell him you’d like him to ask about your stuff, he says, “I guess I figured you’d tell me if you want me to know something.”


You May Want to Move On If …

… after spending time with him, you feel as if he pushed you flat on your back, placed an anvil on your chest, stood over you grinning and said, “There, now try to breathe.”








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  1. Great post. People need to pay attention to this stuff. What I want to know is — Does the N have to have ALL these characteristics? Could it only be one or two in each “might-probably-more than likely category”?

  2. Pat,

    Short answer = no.

    Long answer:

    Most of the tests (and how accurate can they really be) I’ve seen will say something like, “If you have 5 out of 9 characteristics,” or “If on a list of 15 characteristics, you clearly exhibit 8 qualities…” then it’s a pretty good indication that you are a narcissist.

    That being said, NPD is a spectrum disorder. There are many highly functioning, well-liked narcissists amongst those you/we know. Healthy narcissism propels careers. Narcissism on steroids ruins lives.

    Our task is to rein in all those young budding narcissists while they’re still on the fence.

    If we can….

  3. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no, yes, yes, yes, yes, no, no… I think I’m screwed……

  4. Annie,

    I don’t know what to say…

  5. Oh Annie, I am sorry. I know how you feel since mine are all ‘hell yes’. :/

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