Guest Post by Zaira
Tyranny is unjust, harsh, oppressive, and abusive, but most importantly, it lacks legitimacy. This describes my marriage and continues to be my experience with the Narcissist. If you have been involved with a narcissist, I am sure you can relate to counting the days until you are completely free to cut all communications.
I am hoping to survive the next 8 years and 4 months without going completely broke or found guilty in contempt of court. He has promised both of these gifts to me.
There was a time, shortly after I left him, that he tried to convince me that we could work it out. Every poem, flower delivery, and byline of “I love you” made my stomach cringe. I recognized that person from a distant memory – the one who wooed and impressed me so long ago. The harder he tried, the worse the nausea got. There was something punching me from the inside screaming to be strong and end it. It knew he was lying then. I knew he was lying then… playing a part to save face. Now I am reminded often that I was right.
Here is a snippet of what I receive now in my Inbox:
“An interesting email, however you sound like a bad campaign speech. You have not answered a single question and spout unfounded accusations.”
“There is nothing you can say to try and explain what you did. This excuse isn’t even worth reading.”
“As far as the previous info; WE never had that conversation. As with most things, YOU have these conversations in your head and expect me to know the outcome.”
So, I wasn’t surprised when he filed a petition for contempt over the start date for our son’s spring break. (I said it was on Monday, he insisted it was on Friday and the court order is not specific.) In fact, he threatened me with it, which fueled my conviction to keep my weekend with our son.
After 6 months, I was finally served the papers. I laughed at first. The plea sounded like he didn’t get spring break visitation at all, which would then put me in contempt. It requested incarceration as punishment.
What kind of reasonable person would request that the mother of their child be JAILED for a dispute on which day spring break started? Even if the court did see it his way, he lost two overnights. BIG DEAL!
Before I could remind myself that I am not dealing with a rational person, or even an adult, anger and anxiety crept up on me. That hard ball formed in my stomach. I wrote to my attorney, who I can no longer afford. (She pities me, so I get free advice.) Thankfully, she pointed out that the “master” does not have the authority to put me in jail, reassured me that my argument is solid, and encouraged me to plug on pro se.
I am renewed and the nausea has subsided.
If you are a victim of narcissism, I don’t need to tell you the story behind the quotes to show you that they are unjust, harsh, oppressive, abusive, and illegitimate.
You have encountered similar tyranny.
Your body aches from the abuse.
Your inner voice screams from the oppression.
But somehow, when you let it, that inner core of strength rises with the help of anger and determination.
Your voice is heard.
The will for a better future prevails.