I know. I know. My last post was about Enlightenment.
You may be thinking I must not be enlightened if I still get crabby.
Enlightenment is a process. Crabbiness is a part of that process.
The good news is that I’m not nearly as crabby as I used to be. (My kids might take issue with that last statement.)
I remember Mark telling me, “Maybe you should look into taking St. John’s Wort. How come you sleep all the time? You seemed more energetic when we were first going together.”
I started to look at my family health history more closely – depression runs on both sides. Is there a family out there that doesn’t have depression running through it somewhere?
Maybe he was right. I seemed to be down a lot. I was tired a lot. I couldn’t get enthusiastic about anything.
Gee, I wonder why?
Just try waking up every morning, spending the day trying to please and meet unattainable standards, only to fall in bed each night as a complete and total failure.
One morning, during the typical floor scouring process, I was on the deck shaking the rugs. I was snapping the kitchen rug. It made this pleasing crack sound with each snap. I felt myself release aggressions each time I snapped the rug. I suddenly had this vision of a taller person, grabbing my shoulders, lifting me off the deck boards and giving me a good snap to release all the crabbiness.
Ahhh….
What a relief.
I still think of that every now and then.
I’m not taking anything for depression. Every once in awhile, when I feel the crabbiness coming on, I’ll fix a cup of tea and sit down and re-evaluate. Sometimes I’ll go for a glass of wine instead. Some days I go out and walk the little hill in front of my house. I pump my legs, increase the blood flow and pretty soon I don’t feel like I’m mad at the world.
Still, there’d be nothing quite like having someone give me a good hard, get-all-the-dirt-and-crabbies-out snap.
I know there are times when Will and Jenny wish they could.
I can TOTALLY relate. The inner dialogue is utterly exhausting too. Maybe an INFJ thing.
I can say that since radically (for me) changing my diet, the fatigue/depression/mood swings has improved drastically. It took a while but now a marked difference.
Regardless, you are sooooo on the right path and doing great things.
xo
Allison,
Thanks for the encouragement.
I see a healthier diet as part of this new path. I’ve put off taking care of myself – in that regard – for far too long.
I took the St. Johns Wart whenever I felt homicidal. Yes, he introduced it to me and amazingly, it helped me feel nothing. Probably saved his life! Lol!
Zaira,
It scares me to think that if I’d taken larger quantities, I’d still be married to him.
Oh God! I didn’t think about it like that, but so true.
(For the www record) I hope you all know my last comment was exaggerated and sarcastic. He hated that about me, probably another reason for SJW. :)
Zaira,
Funny, guess because I’ve been there (and am equally sarcastic) I knew you weren’t serious.